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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for thinking this would be ok?

81 replies

Okbug77 · 19/02/2025 14:25

Looking for opinions and some advice on what others would do or think in this situation please, it’s eating me up and I just need to know if I’m reading it totally wrong or just majorly overthinking the whole thing!

I’ve been going to the same nail salon for over 4 years now, every 3 weeks consistently to a girl that is self employed there. I would consider myself a regular client and we have shared every detail of our lives with each other, celebrated the ups and downs over the years - new houses, babies etc. I bring her gifts, lunches, coffees, she has met my kids, we are “friends” on social media and someone I would consider as a friend even if we don’t see each other as such outwith appointments. I had to cancel my appointment before Christmas due to illness and we were all dropping like flies. I gave more than a few days notice and cancelled well within the time limit, she said she didn’t have another appointment for me and wouldn’t be able to fit me in for a couple of months and asked if I’d still like to book in with her given the fact she wouldn’t be able to fit me in until then. Christmas is a busy time of year I understood that and I’m always respectful of her time so I accepted the next available appointment and asked if she could contact me if she happened to have any cancellations before then. She knew I had a special occasion coming up and was celebrating a big birthday but she never got in touch which I thought was odd. I booked in with another salon so I could have my nails done as I was also going on holiday and it left enough time that I had a chance to remove them before my next appointment with her. So 10 weeks rolls around and I go to the appointment, the vibes felt off immediately but I put it down to the fact that it was late in the day and that maybe she was tired and had a long day. We sat in silence for most of it usually we have great conversations and have quite a bit to catch up on and fill each other in on what’s been going on between my appointments but it just felt awkward 😕

At the end of the appointment when it came to pay she said she has stopped using her card machine now and she will only be accepting cash or bank transfer. I usually pay by bank transfer anyway but I recently changed banks after trouble with my current one and I still had to set up some of her details to transfer the payment over on my new account. My new card had just arrived the day of the appointment and I didn’t have time to confirm the details of the new card on my internet banking app to do it yet and that I would do it right away when I got back to my car - that was literally parked right across the street from the salon. Her next client was there waiting already so I thought I was saving her time and this is where it all went wrong…She refused to let me leave the salon without paying and went on to give an example of how once she did someone’s nails and she had to chase them for payment and that it was unacceptable, at this point I offered to go to the cash machine along the street and I could even leave my car keys with her until I came back but again she refused and said in no way would I be able to rebook unless I paid. So mortified at what was happening in front of another client, I sat down in the waiting area to set the details up and she said she would just wait and make her run late until I’d done it and huffed and puffed while she sat over me. To make matters worse, the app kept crashing but she kept saying how she knew I was connected to the WiFi so it shouldn’t be a problem. It eventually worked thank god 😳the payment went through and I left, I was so embarrassed. I like to think I’m a person of reason so I’ve thought maybe I need to see it from her perspective and that I wouldn’t be able to go into a shop and leave without paying but maybe I’m too trusting I don’t know, I wouldn’t have had a problem if the roles were reversed? It’s just wild to me that she wouldn’t trust that I’d pay her when I’ve never given her any cause for concern regarding payment before and we’ve known each other for years or AIBU here?

She usually sends me an email with my next appointment I had to message her a week after my appointment asking if she had the next one booked in for me and I got the confirmation shortly after but it wasn’t for my usual service. She knows I can’t do that day or time and I always book in for extra nail art but she said that’s all she had and to let her know if I can’t make it. So I said I couldn’t and there was another time available which she has booked me in for but again not the correct service but she said she wouldn’t have time. I’m feeling like she is just being awkward and that she is maybe trying to sack me as a client?! I have no idea how to go about this I feel like our next meeting is going to be really awkward now. Someone tell me if I’m missing something here or how you see it?

OP posts:
Sunnydiary · 19/02/2025 16:20

I understand OP.

I went to the same hairdresser for 20 years. We chatted through divorce/marriage/bereavement and although we weren’t “friends” we had a close relationship where we shared personal info. Not just shite about holidays 😀

She suddenly became quite frosty and I have no idea why. She returned from maternity leave and when I gave her a wrapped baby present, she just tossed it to the side without even saying thank you.

I decided to go elsewhere after that. I strongly suggest you do the same. Her behaviour is inexcusable.

DeepFatFried · 19/02/2025 16:23

I wonder if she has a new boss or something? Who is very controlling.

Puzzling and upsetting to be treated as you were on your last visit. I would cancel for the next appointment and find a new salon.

Silvers11 · 19/02/2025 16:26

Okbug77 · 19/02/2025 16:12

I know this wasn’t a friendship as such, she was providing a service which I paid for I guess friend or not it doesn’t excuse her behaviour towards me at my last appointment but that’s just how I am as a person. Maybe too friendly? Believe me I feel even more stupid and embarrassed now realising that I’ve been quite naive about the situation

No need to feel stupid. Her behaviour was totally unprofessional. Something similar happened to me at my Hairdressers a few months ago ( I go every 4 weeks either for a trim or a cut and colour and have done for years). I too was having difficulty with a new credit card. Difference is my hairdresser ( one of the owners) was totally ok and said I could just pay her next time I saw her. I insisted on going to fetch my OH ( waiting nearby in the car) and got him to use his card. No way would she have behaved like your nail person did

Diningtableornot · 19/02/2025 16:27

OK, here's my guess.
This woman doesn't have great boundaries and is the habit of being extremely friendly and revealing about her personal life to all her clients. So they bring in their kids, buy her coffee etc.
And then something went wrong. A client expected too much or wanted to postpone payment or whatever. Perhaps several clients did this over a couple of months and she got furious and resentful and chucked them out. Then you cancelled an appointment at Christmas and she thought Bloody hell another one, she'll have to go.
In other words, I don't think you did anything wrong apart from mixing business with pleasure a little too much (at her invitation). You certainly haven't been stupid or naive.
Hope you find a new tech who is just as good at the nail art!

Vaxtable · 19/02/2025 16:29

Cancel, find someone else and don’t recommend her

FrogPonds · 19/02/2025 16:29

Okbug77 · 19/02/2025 16:12

I know this wasn’t a friendship as such, she was providing a service which I paid for I guess friend or not it doesn’t excuse her behaviour towards me at my last appointment but that’s just how I am as a person. Maybe too friendly? Believe me I feel even more stupid and embarrassed now realising that I’ve been quite naive about the situation

You did nothing wrong, OP. Apart from anything else she was outrageously unprofessional to a longterm customer.

Okbug77 · 19/02/2025 16:32

WigglyVonWaggly · 19/02/2025 15:39

Are you certain that there was nothing discussed at the last ‘friendly’ appointment that she’s in a passive aggressive huff about? Nothing going on outside the salon that’s filtered back to her? If not, she’s clearly miffed that you cancelled before Christmas but is being totally and utterly unreasonable. You gave her adequate notice and are not a repeat canceller. It definitely sounds like she’s not interested in booking you in and is trying to make it difficult so you’ll give up, but it’s hard to understand. You got on well so why would a cancellation change things and make her so unpleasant?

I guess you can either message and ask - ‘it’s very obvious that I’ve done something to upset you and I’m not sure what so I can’t put it right. Can you tell me what’s wrong?’. Or, just find someone else. I’d do the latter as her conduct is really unprofessional and petty!

Edited

We live in quite a small town and everyone knows everybody’s business but luckily my life is drama free and I don’t gossip about others or in a school mum clique like some so I have no idea what the tea could be there if that’s the case! 😂

OP posts:
BigHeadBertha · 19/02/2025 16:32

My feeling is that you most likely know when you are friends with someone. Both of you sharing your personal issues with each other, her asking to see your kids, you bringing her a takeout meal now and then, every three weeks for four years.

Well that sounds to me like it's clearly a connection that's progressed beyond business-only. Also, if she had been only pretending to be your friend to get your continued business, then why would she even want to end that deal. It would be a shame to think we shouldn't ever strike up a friendship with someone we hit it off with, regardless of how we meet.

Anyway, I think the most likely explanation here is that something happened. And whatever it was, she is very angry about it and wants to get rid of you over it.

I'd send her a carefully worded text or email. You don't have anything to lose and it doesn't mean you have to have anything to do with her after that. In fact, her turning on you so nastily without telling you why would be a good reason to stay away from her, in my book. Who wants to risk going through that again, unless there was some big weird but possibly understandable explanation for her behavior. Either way, I'd be curious to know what her problem is.

Please keep us posted. Sorry you were treated so poorly.

pilates · 19/02/2025 16:34

I’m surprised you wanted to go back after the way she treated you. She was rude and unprofessional. Go and find another salon there are are enough of them out there. And don’t get so involved.

ShouldIRetrain · 19/02/2025 16:34

I would just cancel and go elsewhere. Life is too short to worry about why or what you have done.

BrendaSmall · 19/02/2025 16:38

I’d book in with the other nail tec in the salon!
Sounds like she’s not happy because you cancelled before Christmas, maybe she was expecting you to call in with something for her for Christmas as you’ve been so generous before

Tourist29 · 19/02/2025 16:42

She’s not the woman from the traitors is she?

coolkatt · 19/02/2025 16:45

Redscrunchie · 19/02/2025 14:33

She wasn't a friend - she was being nice to you to keep your custom. She sounds nasty, cancelling an appointment is par for the course in her profession and she has handled it really unprofessionally.

Go somewhere else OP.

Exactly this,
Childish and unprofessional

Ddakji · 19/02/2025 16:49

Is there a cultural issue in play here that might mean some degree of misunderstanding or change in attitude?

Okbug77 · 19/02/2025 16:51

BigHeadBertha · 19/02/2025 16:32

My feeling is that you most likely know when you are friends with someone. Both of you sharing your personal issues with each other, her asking to see your kids, you bringing her a takeout meal now and then, every three weeks for four years.

Well that sounds to me like it's clearly a connection that's progressed beyond business-only. Also, if she had been only pretending to be your friend to get your continued business, then why would she even want to end that deal. It would be a shame to think we shouldn't ever strike up a friendship with someone we hit it off with, regardless of how we meet.

Anyway, I think the most likely explanation here is that something happened. And whatever it was, she is very angry about it and wants to get rid of you over it.

I'd send her a carefully worded text or email. You don't have anything to lose and it doesn't mean you have to have anything to do with her after that. In fact, her turning on you so nastily without telling you why would be a good reason to stay away from her, in my book. Who wants to risk going through that again, unless there was some big weird but possibly understandable explanation for her behavior. Either way, I'd be curious to know what her problem is.

Please keep us posted. Sorry you were treated so poorly.

Edited

This is why I have asked for outside opinions because I can’t see what I have missed here. To me it was more than just a business transaction and being friendly, I am a naturally friendly person though and I maybe should start holding my cards closer to my chest 🤷‍♀️ my friends have told me that I was too nice in this situation and that they would go and sort her out 😂 joking of course but to clarify, I didn’t give her gifts every 3 weeks that would be bonkers. It was maybe only a few of times for big life events, having kids, new home, engagement etc and coffees and food over the 4 years were maybe a handful of times at the most but I just thought that was being considerate when she had been complaining about not getting lunch break during my appointment and didn’t have time to get anything

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 19/02/2025 16:57

Businesses need to advise customers if they only take cash. That was the first thing she did wrong. You offered to leave your car keys with her while you went to get cash and she refused. Totally unreasonable of her. At that point you should’ve taken all your belongings to the cash point and gone back and paid.

Why on earth would you want another appointment with someone who is so fucking rude and unreasonable? And is probably insisting on cash to avoid paying tax.

And please bear in mind the chatty nail technician, hairdresser, anyone who is doing work for you is not your friend. You talking about your life adds some interest to a long day of repetitive work.

Okbug77 · 19/02/2025 17:04

SiobhanSharpe · 19/02/2025 15:21

Might she have discovered that you had had an appointment with another nail salon in the intervening period and was offended? Weird if so, especially as she was unavailable.

I told her about the appointment I’d made with the other salon because I was going on a family holiday to celebrate a big birthday for myself and mother in law and my next appointment wasn’t for 10 weeks so I had no choice. Come to think of it, she didn’t even wish me a happy birthday 😆 I maybe should’ve stayed with the other salon instead of going back. There are alot of nail techs in the area now but it’s not always been the case so she perhaps did feel threatened

OP posts:
Okbug77 · 19/02/2025 17:13

Ddakji · 19/02/2025 16:49

Is there a cultural issue in play here that might mean some degree of misunderstanding or change in attitude?

No, we are both from the same town and grew up living here. Of similar age and background. But quite clearly very different people !

OP posts:
NippyNinjaCrab · 19/02/2025 17:24

It's definitely a combination of the appointment cancellation and then you went to another salon. She got the hump because you had to cancel at Christmas so she decided to be awkward and piss you off by not fitting you in for 10 weeks! You had the audacity, in her eyes, to get your nails done somewhere else rather than have shit nails on your special birthday 🎂
She sounds awful, bitching about other salons and techs is a no no, you sound lovely and kind. Take your custom elsewhere. 💅

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 19/02/2025 17:26

After her last performance and then giving you shit appointments with no time for nail art I'd fuck her off and go back to the other salon you used when she was unavailable. You are paying her for a service and she's behaving like a twat, no-one has time for that.
I'd also leave it as long as possible to cancel her but I'm a bit of a petty bitch.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 19/02/2025 17:28

Redscrunchie · 19/02/2025 14:33

She wasn't a friend - she was being nice to you to keep your custom. She sounds nasty, cancelling an appointment is par for the course in her profession and she has handled it really unprofessionally.

Go somewhere else OP.

This.

Find better more professional service.

She sounds vile.

Ladysodor · 19/02/2025 17:32

In all honesty you were never friends with her. You were nothing more than a client, albeit reliable and friendly. I think you overestimated the nature of your ‘friendship.’

honeylulu · 19/02/2025 17:36

I think it must be the Christmas cancellation (though she's been completely unreasonable about it). Surely she wouldn't have had any difficulty filling the space at that time of year with a few days notice! Another poster has said they reckon she wanted you to pay for it anyway. I think that might be right - she assumed you would because of your generous nature and got the hump when you didn't offer.

The odd behaviour started right after after that with her saying she couldn't fit you in for a couple of months! Really? A client she knows comes every 3 weeks???

Her behaviour particularly at your final visit was awful. Please cancel your appointment and don't go back. She's shot herself in the foot. Don't try asking why, she's hardly going to admit that she's sulking because you didn't give her money for nothing.

You sound very nice. Direct your nice energy to people who deserve it!

JollyHolly30 · 19/02/2025 17:37

Sounds like she's annoyed (or jealous) that you went elsewhere to have your nails done before your holiday, even though it was due to her not being able to fit you in.

Go elsewhere from now on. She's treated you appallingly in front of another customer.

longapple · 19/02/2025 17:46

BrendaSmall · 19/02/2025 16:38

I’d book in with the other nail tec in the salon!
Sounds like she’s not happy because you cancelled before Christmas, maybe she was expecting you to call in with something for her for Christmas as you’ve been so generous before

This! Book in with the other person at the same salon and give her a lovely smile and a wave as you give your money to someone else in front of her! Then post on Facebook about what a great job they did and say you highly recommend them!