To block DM on FB using deceased DD's fb acct

[Chickenpuppet]

Years ago my DD set up a fb account. My DM was dismissive of FB but also not very tech savvy. When she realised the benefits of using FB she started to use his acct to interact with friends and family. It stayed in his name though. He passed last Summer it was quite sudden and a shock for us and I for one am still very distressed. DM continues to comment on things using his account and his name. I have offered to change the name and details for her but she refuses, saying it was both of their's but it only comes up with his name. I find it mortifying to have my late father comment or to have notifications about him. Before he died I could square it with myself that she would have told him what she was writing and he could read it for himself, but now I and DC find it irritating at best and upsetting otherwise.
AIBU to take a stand and block her?

You can rest or hide friends accounts so you don't see their posts for a set period without unfriending them. Can't remember the proper term for it but it's definitely an option.

It's less extreme than sending a death certificate to Facebook so they can freeze the account, which has just been suggested!

Oh Lord, yes, I don’t think OP should do that.

You can snooze someone for 30 days but again, I don’t think that stops them seeing your posts and commenting on them. Just you seeing their posts.

You can also set any posts you do make to only be visible to a certain audience, that way she'll still be friends with her mum on FB but she wouldn't see any posts come up to be able to comment on anything.
If she somehow found out she was restricted from seeing your posts, I'd just say something like "I'm sorry mum, but I told you that I found it upsetting to still see Dad's name as if he's still here and now commenting on my posts, and you didn't listen. This way you get to keep the account like you wanted, and I don't have to be upset either? Win, win, yes?"

A follow-on thought: how you feel about this now is not necessarily how you will feel about it in another year, two years, five years, ten years time. Confronting your mum is unlikely to help. So go for the most low-key option that helps you get through today - in this case, probably muting/hiding the account and backing off facebook a bit. You can always unmute (or whatever the term is) later.

It could be a form of unresolved grief i.e. the 21st century version of not emptying out their wardrobe.

I think it's completely understandable that you, as her daughter, A) want to help her move on and B) don't want to see your deceased father messaging you on Facebook. It must be incredibly distressing for you and family while you're trying to process your own grief.

In fact, I find it completely bizarre that anyone would say it's fine for her to continue doing indefinitely. It's not healthy for her, or for anyone else involved.

I initially thought it was your DD (daughter) and not your DF/DDad. Had it been the former, that would have been outrageous.

However, as she had used it in his lifetime as ‘their’ Facebook account, I don’t think you get a say in getting her to stop.

If you tell her gently that each time you see his name on a comment, it jolts and upsets you because, like her, you miss him very much, would she be open to amending the name to add hers?

I had a similar thing - a private message from my dead mum via a different platform.

I actually thought it was a sick joke from someone and was really upset. When it became obvious the message was from my living parent and not my recently deceased one, but via an account my mum had set up originally, I had a chat and we changed it.

Or just "my dad."

Why not we need this confusing ambiguous abbreviation of everything? It's pointless if it's not even clear what it means! (DF = Dear Friend, doesn't it?)

Convention on MN is that DF = Dear Father, not friend.

But I really don't care enough to argue with you.

I think I would find this hard. My mum still has an email with my step dad’s name in it years later and that bothers me because very sadly, he isn’t here. But it’s her email and her decision so never said anything. With something public though I think I’d try to get her to understand it is odd and could be misleading. If she doesn’t see it I would mute it