Can I ever move on

[LoveFridaynight]

Does it get better? Does time start moving again? Since my mum died Saturday night I've been a mess. Every day feels endless when all I want to do is pick up the phone and call my mum.
She ended up in hospital after a really bad fall and after a week she seemed to give up. Wouldn't eat or drink, barely awake in the end. I know she was in pain and isn't anymore. I know it wasn't entirely unexpected, I know she had a good life, she was 82. But l just feel crushed.
I can't sleep or eat (or I do eat I'm sick) and can't stop crying. I feel so lonely.
They say time helps but time is barely moving. It feels like this hole has been in my life for months but it's only been 4 days.
My dad will not open up at all and I know after 56 years together he must be devastated. Can I ever move on?

You won't move on from your grief. It will always with you and the loss does not diminish

BUT with time, it will be less raw. And you will have other, positive experiences that will be enjoyable

Imagine your grief as a box in a room, and furure experiences as other boxes. In 6 months time, the grief box will be the same size, but it'll be one box in a pile of 20. In a year, the grief box will be in a pile of 100

Hope this helps a little

Also, have a look at onion theory ie you lean in to support your Dad and reach out to people who can support you

X

I'm sorry for your loss. You absolutely will feel better as time passes. It might help to think about the fact that she reached a good age? My mum was only 73 when she passed, and DH's mum was just 61. But yes, things will gradually get better with the passage of time, I promise.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Don't try and fight the emotions; let them happen as they happen.
It WILL get easier, I promise. It will always be there but it will easier. It takes time. 4 days is still very soon. X

I am so sorry for your loss 💐

You will be able to start to see a light at the end of the tunnel, but don’t try and rush there. Let grief do its thing and just feel it. Sometimes the only way through it is to just let it happen.

There’s 7 stages of grief (or so they say) so just let them all happen.

There’s a quote I really like - ‘grief is like the ocean, it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim”

I found I felt much worse four days after the death of my Mum than on the day she died. You will feel awful and very sad for some considerable time. But you will find that it diminishes over time (particularly if your relationship was healthy and uncomplicated) and you will move on. You can't rush the process, though. I'm sorry for your loss. 💐

I had a brilliant relationship with my mum, even near the end when she was suffering from Alzheimer's. I don't want to help with the funnel. It feels so weird going over to my parents house and knowing it's just dad there. It's his 80th on Sunday and all he wanted was to have mum home. I think it'll be horrendous getting through everything. First birthday, first Mother's day and I don't even want to think about Christmas. I actually feel like my heart's broken
I try so hard to be strong for my dad and children but then end up crying on DH. I'm sure he must be sick of it.

You are grieving the loss of your mother. It's absolutely natural to cry for a long time - if he's sick of it, he's not very nice

You seem ashamed or worried or guilty for feeling so broken up by her death and I wonder why that is? Why is grief over the loss of your mother not something you can understand and accept?

You will "feel better" in time, but it's a slow process - months rather than days.

He hasn't said he's sick of it I just worry he might think that. I am struggling to come to terms with it. I worry my mum didn't know how much I love her and I try to convince myself she is no longer in pain and has been reunited with her family but I don't know if I quite believe it.
Guilt, maybe a bit. I used to go and see her once a week but in the last year I missed a few visits which I regret so much now.

The regrets after the death of a parent can assume overwhelming proportions, even for people who spent a lot of time with their parents. You regret things like: the things you wish you'd said or asked, things you did say that you wish you hadn't, the places you wish you'd taken them, not spending MORE time with them... there will be more.

Other people have commented on the grief process. As they say, I found it changed as time went on but I will tell you that you learn to deal with. It does return in spades when you are bereaved again, however. Try as time goes on to do or say the things with your remaining parent.

My dad found a note my mum had left for us children. Just saying she loved us, was sorry for when she was snappy (she wasn't) and what things she'd left us.
That made me cry even more.but I waited until I got home. I am terrified my dad is going to die too. As I said he's nearly 80! so not young and although he hasn't said it I don't think he's coping very well. He's obviously missing mum so much.