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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how my autistic son may develop

14 replies

UpTheJunction123 · 18/02/2025 23:57

My lovely boy just turned 6 and has a diagnosis of ASD. He didn’t say a word until he was 3, 4 for anything meaningful and you still can’t have a conversation with him but he has quite a lot of language now in the form of getting his needs/wants met and a heap of echolalia. 😊 His understanding is fairly good now too, can follow most basic instructions. He can count, knows the alphabet, colours, all that stuff but obviously his development is really behind. He isn’t interested in other kids either and spends a lot of time watching videos on things to do with his special interest that he has had since he was 2 (pirates) and is still in pull ups. He is in a base classroom in a mainstream school and doing well there. He enjoys going and the staff are lovely and feel he’s progressing. I know none of you have a crystal ball, and all autistic children are individual and different, but I guess I could really do with some hope of how my son may progress? Has anyone else been in a similar position? Thanks so much for taking the time to read my post.

OP posts:

Notgivenuphope · 19/02/2025 00:00

I know an autistic guy in his mid 20s. He passed his GCSEs, didn’t do college by choice, works in a cafe and is working towards being a supervisor, has friends, passed his driving test and is hoping to move out of home into a house share soon.
As you say experiences differ but with the right support he can do very well.

Ang3leyes · 19/02/2025 00:01

Make sure all his autism related needs are very well met and he will do well.
there are a lot of sensory toys that can help him like lava lamps and chew toys.
he may be masking at school and it may be too much for him so try not to overwhelm him or it will increase his self harming/difficult behaviour
get him involved in nature and physical tasks like baking

Original poster

UpTheJunction123 · 19/02/2025 00:04

Thank you 😊 great to hear the story of the older guy with ASD and my son definitely loves being out in nature 😊 one of his favourite things to do is go for walks to the loch or as he calls it, the “pirate island” 😂 I’m not much of a baker but I’ll definitely give this a go too as I think he will really enjoy it!

OP posts:

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 19/02/2025 00:10

Get him into Scouting if you have a good group near you. It helped my ds so much with becoming independent and he found like-minded pals there. He travelled far and wide with them. Sometimes it felt like he was away every weekend! He has made friends for life (So far! Now 22)

July76 · 10/03/2025 10:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

glassof · 10/03/2025 10:12

My ds (now 14) is diagnosed. I knew from 18m but diagnosis was just over a year ago. He masked well and was just thought of a quirky! He kept up at school but emotionally and socially he struggled. He is now in year 10, getting ready for gcses, has a few friends (all like him!), current hyper focus is music and has taught himself guitar to grade 5! I worried he would never have full independence but I think he will now.

No one can know what will happen, but my advice is throw yourself in and enjoy the quirks! Accept support, and be kind to yourself.

dnasurprise · 10/03/2025 10:38

My ds diagnosed at 3 now 12. Loveliest, most beautiful boy in the world and makes us so proud. He is doing well at mainstream in year 7, managed the transition to secondary school very well. Has quite a few friends. Still has extreme interests but they are fun and he really enjoys them (currently manga/anime). Never liked team sports but have managed to persuade him to focus on swimming in recent years which is keeping him fit (as he has a tendency to overeat this is necessary).
Conversation is not like it would be with a NT 12 year old - he tends to ramble on about what he likes but he does talk, can sometimes be very funny and I foresee a good level of independence in the future.

DancingLions · 10/03/2025 11:17

My DS was diagnosed as a young child, he's now in his 30s! He's one of the best humans I know. He's kind, caring and absolutely hilarious. Very witty.

He has a degree, although he did attend Uni later than average and has a decent job now. He is quirky but found like minded friends, so has a good social life. He has zero interest in a relationship though, but that's ok with me as long as he's happy. He's also worked and lived abroad for a while.

I would say just let your child go at their own pace and enjoy the person they are. I genuinely wouldn't want to change any part of him and I'm super proud of everything he's achieved.

Mintymatchmakerheaven · 10/03/2025 11:46

No one can tell you unfortunately. My dc is doing a masters and loves travelling abroad but still has issues socially

Loveduppenguin · 10/03/2025 11:49

There is a saying “if you know/meet one person with autism, then you know/met one person with autism” everyone presents differently so they all develop differently, unfortunately no one can answer this question for you.

Supersimkin7 · 10/03/2025 11:51

Autism didn’t do Bill Gates any harm.

itsjustbiology · 10/03/2025 11:59

My dh is 61 and autistic ..he has worked all his life,has many friends and has children. a life ,hobbies and me! He is awkward and not easy,has zero sense of humour but is perfect for me. We have a lovely life with some compromises but it works. Emotionally he can struggle he is very private but he feels happy to be open with me and the kids when we are alone. He is brave,clever and smart and I am very proud of him. Let life unfold for your lovely little one and I am sure he will find his own way forward. I think as a family you will have a lot to look forward to. Its been quite a ride for us,painful at times but I would never swap anything

Hankunamatata · 10/03/2025 12:16

A friend sent me a very interesting article about how they are developing theory on that autistic people acquire language in a different way to nt people. For the life of me I can't remember the name but it was fascinating and very different from traditional speech and language therapy

Zae134 · 10/03/2025 12:36

My DD is 11 and she was completely non-verbal until around 3, when she started to develop non-meaningful language (using echolalia etc.) Nowadays, she can still have a full conversation by herself, but she is also able to understand most of what we say and can make herself understood to us. We celebrate her little independences; she can pour her own cereal now, clean herself after the toilet and brush her own teeth. We can also go out to a cafe with a playpark, and she can find her way from our table to play area and back again.

She is at a special school, and watching her have friends for the first time has been the most wonderful thing. The school are teaching her life skills, and she has the best time there (they're on a trip next week which involves taking the tram to the city centre and then ordering their own lunch at the food hall).

When she was diagnosed at 2 1/2 years old, I wondered what her life would be, and I worried that she wouldn't access life in all its fullness. But the future is so very bright, you just learn to celebrate all the little milestones as they go along.

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