How do you make new friends as an adult???

[Tempnamesitu]

Prior to having my daughter, I had a group of friends who I would see semi regularly, we all had partners, jobs and kids so not all the time.

Since having a baby, I had horrific post natal depression and became quite isolated and I have drifted away from my friends (to be fair, the group in general have drifted apart) but I have no clue how to meet new people/make new friends!

Any ideas? How do we make new connections and friendships as an adult?

Church, if you're open to it. The best support system you'll ever get, especially with a small baby.

Quite a long way behind but still good, choirs, special interest groups.

Nowhere: baby groups. Just not a good way of making friends. They can be good for babies but don't go there looking for friends imo.

Edit: just wanted to add online special interest groups. I have de ade long friendship s that have transferred to real life from there.

I saw an excellent post on Instagram with some really specific help about how to do this. So I'm sharing it here.

www.instagram.com/reel/DGEVVtQSJ-r/

How old is your daughter? I found starting school the easiest way to gain a whole new like minded crew without much effort. I have been lucky there.

School gates and work. How old is your child?

Church, if you're open to it. The best support system you'll ever get, especially with a small baby.

I have often wondered about church, as I don’t have many relatives. I’m not very religious though, and having to pretend doesn’t feel right?

How old is your baby? The early years really are the worst for making new adult friends. It's not like you can spend long nights forging bonds and sharing secrets over a few bottles of wine and every lunch / coffee is interrupted by baby / toddler needs - having to wave toys / get your boob out / spoon feed. You have my sympathy

I'd aim for adult company first - toddler groups, work socialising, friends of partner, pub quiz etc. Keep expectations low and just aim for acquaintance level connection. Don't be too needy and things will develop organically.

When you have time get a hobby or volunteer locally. When you have kids geography is more important than soulmates. Best to have a good friend two streets over than the perfect best mate 10 miles away.

My children are older and my friendships grew out of school parents groups, volunteering buddies, book club, women's rights network and PTA.

Nowhere: baby groups. Just not a good way of making friends. They can be good for babies but don't go there looking for friends imo.

Edit: just wanted to add online special interest groups. I have de ade long friendship s that have transferred to real life from there.

Completely agree with these. Don't tell the Elon haters but I met some very good local friends via X. Real amazing interesting women, not incels!

Join a running club!

Toddler groups and through the school, expect to like a smallish percentage of people you talk to and then click with around one in ten or so.

I am still best friends with two mum’s I met almost 25 years and I see them fortnightly and I regularly see another mum friend too.

Another good place is gyms, I’ve made three good friends at three gyms I’ve been a member at.

Hobby groups. Knitting circles, crochet , art, exercise, book clubs, pottery…. Just find something you might be interested in and go.

Twitter used to be lovely place. Met some nice people on there with common interests.
I can't bear to go on there anymore though sadly.
Bluesky is quite nice but not that active yet.

You leave the little one with their Dad, and go and join something that you enjoy doing.
Could be anything - choir, running group, am dram, craft group, fundraising group, campaign group, political group, studying or learning a new skill, volunteering, dance class - whatever you enjoy doing.
Ring fence this evening every week and go and 'be you'. Smile and be friendly to people and hopefully you will find a new friend / some new friends there. If not, you've had an evening every week doing something you enjoy.

Then, as everyone says, chat to people at places you take your little one - playgroups / stay and play, etc. Good potential there to ask if someone fancies meeting for a coffee or a walk.

Don't think too deeply about "finding a new friend". Friendships take time to evolve. Enjoy the company of some new people, for a while whilst doing things you enjoy doing.

Love this because it breaks up the friend- making process into small steps. Some really good ideas there!

Mum & baby or mum & toddler Yoga. Such a social activity. I'm older and had resigned myself to having virtually no friends until I started Yoga classes. Met so many lovely people. Hope you find your tribe no matter what you decide to do .

That is excellent but boy does she talk fast!

@Commonsense22 it would be great to hear a bit more about why church is better for this than eg choirs or other groups.

I'm sadly not religious but sometimes I wonder if I'd still be able to be part of a church group for the community side.

I made friends at baby groups while on mat leave with my son, a few good friends I still see now a few years on even though our kids go to different schools. You need to make the effort to get to know people, meet up, maybe invite them to your house. You won't click with everyone just because they also have a baby but there should be one or two likeminded people in most groups.

Volunteering found me new friends

When at a choir rehearsal, you are sitting, concentrating on the music, and listening to the conductor. You can only really chat before and after, and if there is a break in the middle. My experience is that at the end of a rehearsal, people tend to disperse fairly quickly.
At most Churches, obviously it is the same in terms of not chatting during the service BUT, coffee is usually after the service and people historically are very welcoming and like to stay and chat. Then, choirs generally meet to rehearse and then perform, but Churches tend to have things going on throughout the week which you can get involved with if you want to. From lunch clubs to things like Toddler Groups and Youth Groups that can always use volunteers, to home groups and women's groups, coffee mornings and knit and natters, and all sorts of other weekly things, but then they will often have occasional things like socials - Harvest Festival or various other occasions.

Oh, and no Church would assess what your beliefs are. I mean, presuming you aren't standing up in the middle of the sermon heckling or shouting abuse, then you would be welcome wherever you are on your journey.

Thanks, @CarpetKnees I always got a nice community feeling from a church where I went to toddler groups when my kids were little. My MIL has so many friends from church and it sounds as if her church community truly care about her and others.

It is a big leap for me to consider it as I've been brought up without any church or religion but I can certainly see the appeal.

It's like a family for those who have none. All generations are represented and fulfill their purpose. The young with energy and the elderly with time etc

There is support for young families - for example gravy trains when there are new babies, clothes passed down all the way through childhood, toys and books... but also some who will give gifts for birthdays etc.

There are often support groups for children with additional needs, baby groups that are actually nicely organised with drinks and snacks for parents and children, and carefully thought through activities. Most importantly there are plenty of volunteers there who will become familiar faces to talk with.

If you have diy needs people will lend a hand. If you are having a wedding or big party, people will bake, play music, set up decorations and clean afterwards, for free. If you're ill people will cook for you, offer to babysit, visit you in hospital.

If you are lonely you'll get invited for Sunday roasts and just be able to chill in someone else's home.
When you're going through tough times there will be support both practical and spiritual.

Of course churches work like that because of a shared faith as a foundation.

But I can't not mention them as in my my experience nothing comes close when it comes to community.

@Commonsense22 what you've described sounds so beautiful and so necessary for human wellbeing.

It's a shame for the non-religious amongst us that there isn't an equivalent non-religious version. It's much needed.

Im still friends from mums I met at baby groups... Yes only a few and I went to quite a lot....again a couple from early school gates as dc became friends and we lived close to each other..so it was about practical things as well as dc getting on.. others haven't stuck as friends but it's nice to have nodding recognition around where we live...

Others through work and hobbies and volunteering...

Can you reconnect with some of your old friends as well as look to make new ones?

In my experience - through being in hospital, new jobs, parent friends - trauma bonding essentially 😅

A bit like online dating, it's a numbers game. You have to make small connections with LOTS of people to develop one or two closer friendships.