To find this annoying

jenhoney2 · 2025-02-18T14:47:57+00:00

Dh is rubbish with his phone. Sometimes he won't know where it is for hours. I text him earlier about something I needed an answer to quite urgently and lo and behold no reply. Tried calling, same result. It would never cross his mind to check in with me with a text to see how my day is going or tell me he loves me. He did this a lot in the early days but now it would just never happen. I think this lack of effort and the fact he is uncontactable all the time for no good reason - which is annoying at best and could be really bad in an emergency - has pissed me off and I've told him so via text. Which he did reply to but since I mentioned I feel like he makes no effort he has read and ignored. He works from home he isn't on the go in a hectic job. To be honest this feels symbolic of our relationship. He makes no effort. He isn't meeting my needs sexually and our lives are drudgery day after day. The fact I've told him how I feel (perhaps text wasn't the best option) and he left me on read just speaks volumes. It takes seconds to send a text. Aibu to feel this way? I don't know how to approach this when I get home.

DontBorrowTomorrowsTrouble · 18/02/2025 15:02

uncontactable all the time for no good reason

Is he not at work then?
How often are you trying to text/ring? Is it every day?

I've told him how I feel (perhaps text wasn't the best option) and he left me on read
IF he’s at work, it’s totally inappropriate to send shit like this when he should be concentrating on his actual job.
he did reply to but since I mentioned I feel like he makes no effort he has read and ignored.
I wouldn’t reply to some having a go at me via text either tbh.

IF it was urgent for you to get an answer (medical question?) then YANBU to be pissed off that he’s uncontactable, if it’s to book or buy something then it really isn’t urgent, even if you’d like an answer quickly.

Original poster

jenhoney2 · 18/02/2025 15:05

DontBorrowTomorrowsTrouble · 18/02/2025 15:02

uncontactable all the time for no good reason

Is he not at work then?
How often are you trying to text/ring? Is it every day?

I've told him how I feel (perhaps text wasn't the best option) and he left me on read
IF he’s at work, it’s totally inappropriate to send shit like this when he should be concentrating on his actual job.
he did reply to but since I mentioned I feel like he makes no effort he has read and ignored.
I wouldn’t reply to some having a go at me via text either tbh.

IF it was urgent for you to get an answer (medical question?) then YANBU to be pissed off that he’s uncontactable, if it’s to book or buy something then it really isn’t urgent, even if you’d like an answer quickly.

He is 'working' yes but I know full well he is not glued to his laptop or work phone all day. If he were genuinely in a phone call or teams meeting I wouldn't expect a response obviously.

I work in an actual workplace and have to keep my phone on me in case either of my dc are ill at school or there's an emergency. He just doesn't think of those sort of things. And the fact it would never cross his mind just to drop a casual how are you text is poor. He makes no effort with me at all.

I do not bombard him with messages and calls. I only get in touch if I need something but there's clearly no point.

OP posts:

ginasevern · 18/02/2025 15:20

You expect him to send you a text everyday to ask how you are? I freely admit that I'm not part of the "glued to your phone" generation but is this really something partners are expected to do these days? As for saying he loves you every day, well that usually diminishes after a few years of being together and especially if you share a home. The honeymoon period is over and that's pretty standard in most couple's lives. I mean, how often do you "need something" so desperately that it can't wait until you get home?

Original poster

jenhoney2 · 18/02/2025 15:23

ginasevern · 18/02/2025 15:20

You expect him to send you a text everyday to ask how you are? I freely admit that I'm not part of the "glued to your phone" generation but is this really something partners are expected to do these days? As for saying he loves you every day, well that usually diminishes after a few years of being together and especially if you share a home. The honeymoon period is over and that's pretty standard in most couple's lives. I mean, how often do you "need something" so desperately that it can't wait until you get home?

Not every day no. Occasionally. I mean he did in the early stages of our relationship so it's not beyond him. He just doesn't care how I am or what I'm up to now.

I don't expect to be in constant contact, I'm too busy for that myself.

OP posts:

Changethenameagain · 18/02/2025 15:58

It sounds as though he has checked out of the relationship OP.

Samung · 18/02/2025 16:27

I never, ever, send my partner a 'how are you' message during a routine day. He doesn't send me similar either. What would be the point? We just go off to do what we're doing for the day, then come home and chat then. I'd find that behaviour quite clingy.
I put my phone physically in the boot of the car when I'm driving to avoid the temptation of glancing at txts etc. So I guess that means I'm MIA for an hour or two sometimes as well.

This means that if, when I did look at my phone, I saw a message or missed call from him I'd look at the message or ring him back immediately. Surely if people sent pointless messages they can a) find that people ignore them and b) if something is important that can get ignored too.

Ablondiebutagoody · 18/02/2025 16:28

What's he supposed to "check in" about? Didn't he see you a couple of hours ago? I would find you a bit suffocating.

My phone is on silent all the time

jannier · 18/02/2025 16:35

Are you not seeing each other this evening or is one of you ill? I'd find it annoying to be required to send or receive how's your day going messages ... obviously you do more in the early stages but that's just novelty not serious enduring love.
Tell him he needs to be contactable in case the kids are sick if that's the issue.

stayathomer · 18/02/2025 16:38

Have a face to face conversation- this seems to be a bigger picture thing. Hope you both figure it out op x

Getitwright · 18/02/2025 17:07

There are in fact quite a few folks who aren’t at the beck and call of every single, ping, tring, ding. Unless you really do need to contact someone urgently, or be contacted urgently, it can be quite liberating just ignoring a phone sometimes. It does sound like your relationship issues are far deeper than not answering/ using a phone, but perhaps try a bit of the old fashioned “hello, this is me talking to you face to face” type of communication, and sort things out that way first. That’s if you really want to of course.

jackstini · 18/02/2025 20:12

"He is 'working' yes but I know full well he is not glued to his laptop or work phone all day. If he were genuinely in a phone call or teams meeting I wouldn't expect a response obviously.

I work in an actual workplace"

Sounds like you don't respect his work time wfh and think yours means more because you work out of the home

The odd text is fine but quite needy to want some daily

BlueMum16 · 18/02/2025 20:27

jenhoney2 · 18/02/2025 15:23

Not every day no. Occasionally. I mean he did in the early stages of our relationship so it's not beyond him. He just doesn't care how I am or what I'm up to now.

I don't expect to be in constant contact, I'm too busy for that myself.

Show quote history

When someone is at work you should not expect any contact or messages. Not sure why you would even message tbh?

If you stop sending shit he might actually look/reply when it's urgent. And asking what's for tea isn't urgent. If he was ignoring an urgent phone call - kid is sick do something - then that's another matter

You're being needy/suffocating.

If the rest of the relationship is crap deal with that. Replies to texts when in work are not the issue.

Billydavey · 18/02/2025 20:31

Claiming he’s not busy working while you work in an “actual workplace” speaks volumes about how little you think of his job.

he is not at your beck and call.

ThinWomansBrain · 18/02/2025 20:35

anyone else wondering what the super-urgent can't wait a minute message was, or just me?😂

user1471538275 · 18/02/2025 20:37

He doesn't owe you constant contactability.

How needy are you?

Have a bit of bloody patience.

Onelifeonly · 18/02/2025 20:47

Well I was ready to sympathise when I started reading your post, as my DH is prone to leaving his phone around the house (also works from home) and won't always notice I've called or sent a message.

But there's rarely something that can't wait and we never message to see how each other is. Why would we, we know when we shall see each other again? You sound quite needy.

It's also passive aggressive IMO to complain about someone's behaviour in a text when you live with them. Why not discuss it face to face?

Growlybear83 · 18/02/2025 20:56

Why would you text or ring someone you live with during the day as a matter of routine? I can understand calling if you're going to be late, or if there's a particular reason, but do couples who live together seriously text each other every day to say 'I love you' like lovestruck 15 year olds? 😆😆😆.

CaptainFuture · 18/02/2025 20:59

Agree with all the above pp. You are both WORKING! How do you find the time to be on your phone so much in your superior 'actual workplace'

howshouldibehave · 18/02/2025 21:54

I work in an actual workplace and have to keep my phone on me in case either of my dc are ill at school or there's an emergency. He just doesn't think of those sort of things

I work in an 'actual' workplace as well. We aren't allowed our phones and they have to go in a locker. If there one of my DC was ill or there was an emergency, someone would ring the office!