Help me refraim my thinking over exs extravagant no responsibility lifestyle

[Dashofredwine]

I’m struggling a lot recently. I think the truth is I am just burnt out and tired. I basically raise the children alone. I work hard. I do all the house work. Deal with all the kids clubs and chauffeuring around to parties and activities. I cook every meal. The whole mental load is on me.

Meanwhile ex parter (who left us for a women abroad) lives a life of no responsibility. He works in an industry where he travels to multiple continents, gets time off. Goes out to dinner. Extends his trips taking holidays. Never has to any form of domestic drudgery. Doesn’t even bother to have a home as he feels it’s pointless. Then he shows up plays amazing dad. Takes the kids to family to stay so they can be looked after their so he still doesn’t have to actually do any form of domestic life. Plays games and basically gets to be mr fun.

I feel like I just want to cry and the unfairness of it all. I really need advice on reframing my thinking before resentment destroys me.

Why does it matter what he does? He is irrelevant.

Kids aren't stupid. They know who is there for them when they need help or support or first aid or are in trouble. If they haven't realised it yet, they will as soon as they need something that is inconvenient to your ex.

Be proud of what you have achieved, take comfort in your success and stop thinking about your ex.

I think it’s more the being left to do everything while their dad swans off and does nothing. It can be months and months before he even has them for a weekend.

I’m exhausted. I feel so angry at how he just got to walk away as if the children don’t exist. Meanwhile he is earning really well and I’m stuck trying my best to juggle work. The icing on the cake was the last weeks when both children were sick resulting in me losing 10 days of work. 10 days I don’t get paid because it’s always me that has to take the time off.

I get it. You get down sometimes when you're the one who's always having to consider the kids when you want to do something or go somewhere, but he never does. When you're the one doing all the doctor appointments, dentist appointments, orthodontist appointments. Doing all the school stuff.

Some of my friends have suggested that I "make him" do his fair share but there's no way to actually do that. If I just stop doing these things, chances are they won't get done and the child is ultimately the one who suffers. As annoying as it is, I'm not going to let my issues with him stand in the way of my daughter having what she needs. I don't really have any advice, just commiseration, I just do my best for her and try to let the rest of it go.

It’s the unfair burden of childcare. That imbalance can make you feel like a victim. Would it be possible to set up a regular childcare schedule with your husband? Having a predictable arrangement might help you feel more in control.

I split 50:50 with my ex. Would love to have them all the time. Be careful what you wish for

It's shit, though your ex will reap what he sows. The children will have minimal relationship/connection with him by the time they are adults. He has given up the work but also given up any benefit of being a parent.

Thanks all. We do have a rolling ongoing schedule but he mostly opts out of it as he chooses his work instead. i think that’s where I struggle. That he can just pick and choose when to turn up.

Trying to focus on the positives. I do adore my children and I wouldn’t ever pick his lifestyle over them. Just to catch a break would be nice. I’d love to have every other weekend to have a bit of a life of my own.

Try and think differently. You are the lucky one to have your children with you. He sounds very selfish