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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he's writing the letters himself

15 replies

Womansplainer · 18/02/2025 13:25

I am going to slightly change the details to lessen the chance of this being identifying.

I work as an assistant on a large country estate which is managed by what I can only describe as the most terrible manager I have ever had in my life.

This man is however very charming, affable and liked by many.

Well he's either liked or hated. Over a period of time a character has appeared who is allegedly gunning for him and causing lots of distress by criticising his management

This character is now allegedly sending emails from another account that is allegedly his wife.

My first encounter with one of these emails was having it forwarded to me by said manager - it asked for a foi act disclosure over some works that had been carried out at the village by the estate. The works had not been done effectively and with proper measures in place. The manager was very affronted and spoke to the estate owners and said that he was being 'harassed'. The estate owners are very supportive of him in pretty much any situation as he is liked and saves lots of money.

So they told him not to respond until the absolute deadline and give minimum info.

Anyway, this email account and other alleged fake accounts have risen up again and appear to do so when he is remiss in some duty.

Most recently another one has come out of the woodwork which has allegedly gone to his home and threatening him and details of his private life to be disclosed.

He has taken this to the police. It's all bonkers I know but the pattern of these malicious letters seem to arise around times he needs to cover his back, gain attention and support from the estate lords.

One of the emails was sent to an estate lady saying that the person who sent it (same person who had made a doi request 5 months ago) was a psychologist and warned the lady that this man was a narcissist and had observed her being in a codependent enabling relationship with him. (He absolutely does manipulate this lady - though not in an intimate relationship)

Over the last three years this manager has dumped various things on me work wise, he doesn't plan ahead, offer any staff training and development, I'm aware of three employment tribunals and various collusions with people's downfalls.

He has said to me he is a narcissist and once described getting someone to leave thier job by repeatedly turning the heating down and making them uncomfortable. Apparently he didn't like this person because they were better than him.

I need to get out of there unfortunately. I am however good at my job, well liked and it is convenient for me. The place is going to rack and ruin with little effort on upkeep, the estate lords and ladies don't seem to care particularly and the public who visit the estate gives a mixed review.

This man is constantly being involved in legal battles over unpaid bills, has done some poorly managed events.
He manipulated people by developing close 1-2-1 relationships and making people his allies and will divide and rule with staff who apart from a few, dont get along. There's no team and it's awful

I've known him write a false letter before to cover his back but quietly agreed to collude as it related to someone who had done something unethical.

I am getting ill in this workplace of constant drama.

AIBU to have these suspicions?

OP posts:
YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 18/02/2025 13:52

YANBU. It sounds as through he is a terrible and nasty man. From what you've said it sounds likely he is trying to manipulate things.

But YABU to do anything other than leave the job.

It will be his word against yours and he is liked by people with influence.

GreenElfWitch · 18/02/2025 13:56

This all sounds so bizarre.

I'd keep my headspace for working towards my exit route though.

purplecorkheart · 18/02/2025 14:03

This sounds like the theme of some tv drama.

The manager sounds mentally unwell, poor at their job and potentially dangerous.

The owners sound clueless.

Honestly I would look to leave. By the sounds of things the whole thing is going to fall apart soon anyway.

In the mean time stay away from the drama. Do your job. Do not express any opinion about the emails etc.

snotathing · 18/02/2025 14:39

I'd stop trying to figure out the situation with the emails. Don't get worked up about it. Focus on getting a different job and stay out of the email drama so you get a good reference.

Womansplainer · 18/02/2025 14:56

snotathing · 18/02/2025 14:39

I'd stop trying to figure out the situation with the emails. Don't get worked up about it. Focus on getting a different job and stay out of the email drama so you get a good reference.

Yep. That's what I need to do. The place is so bizarre. It's so sad. Yes, unfortunately it is very old school people who are easily manipulated and largely clueless. There are some amazing people who could be doing a phenomenal job but it's entrenched with misogyny, old traditions and nepotism. I need out

OP posts:
andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 18/02/2025 15:10

Have you been asked to help regarding these emails?
Could you reply saying that the estate will need full address details and a verified telephone number before answering any of the emails there has been incidents of malicious communications?
That should flush them out.

Womansplainer · 18/02/2025 15:15

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 18/02/2025 15:10

Have you been asked to help regarding these emails?
Could you reply saying that the estate will need full address details and a verified telephone number before answering any of the emails there has been incidents of malicious communications?
That should flush them out.

That's exactly the kind of measures I would ...and have suggested but manager seems not to want boundaries and systems to manage this sort of issue.

OP posts:
pimplebum · 18/02/2025 15:22

A very basic forensic IT person can find where these emails are coming from

maybe just the suggestion that has happened will make him leave ?

Endofyear · 18/02/2025 15:44

I'd say don't get drawn into his dramas, just do your job as best you can while looking for another job. I think you need to leave there as soon as you can, it sounds like a stressful place to work!

maudelovesharold · 18/02/2025 15:53

That all sounds very toxic and volatile. You seem to be out of the firing line at the moment and able to observe what’s going on, but I’d try to find another job before the wind changes, if I were you!

Megapint · 18/02/2025 15:56

Do you live in Midsomer?

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 18/02/2025 16:32

If you want rid of him, one route might be to find some evidence of him being the source of the emails and give it to the police. It's not hard to do, if you know what you're doing.

Womansplainer · 18/02/2025 16:33

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 18/02/2025 16:32

If you want rid of him, one route might be to find some evidence of him being the source of the emails and give it to the police. It's not hard to do, if you know what you're doing.

How ...? I've got one email I think in my files..one of the prolific addresses

OP posts:
Womansplainer · 18/02/2025 16:34

Megapint · 18/02/2025 15:56

Do you live in Midsomer?

Yes. Pretty much 😂

OP posts:
Womansplainer · 18/02/2025 16:55

Womansplainer · 18/02/2025 16:33

How ...? I've got one email I think in my files..one of the prolific addresses

Yes I have one

OP posts:
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