to think leaving someone is not always the answer?

[GutsyTurtle]

I am not talking in the context of violence.

I see it all the time when someone's partner has a few or even major qualities that are difficult to deal with. People always say leave.

My friend has a SEN child and she has do the majority of the care because her DH is impatient. But he does pay for everything and covers all expenses so is supportive in that way. Leaving him would make things very financially difficult for her (even though she works) and her SEN DC would struggle with the change.

Staying even though it is not ideal works for now.

I don't think anyone would suggest leaving a man for being impatient though

If they're happy to prioritise things other than happiness or a great relationship, people can definitely stay.

Being impatient isn't a huge trait I've seen people shouting LTB for!

Read "impatient" as "gets cross at disabled child"

Of course it's easy for people on here to jump in with LTB straight away. Unfortunately most people have complicated lives/relationships with some good bits and some not so good bits.
For most people the good bits are the reason they stay (In your friend's case, the money!) and the bad bits are what they type on mn....usually without context so it looks black and white but really it's shades of grey that don't get communicated very well on an Internet forum.

She may well reach a point where doing most of the work will take its toll. At that point she might consider LTB.

Working and earning the household money is so much easier than caring for a disabled child.

Lack of money shouldn’t be the reason for not leaving an unhappy relationship.

In the past a lot of women couldn’t leave because of the power/financial imbalance. The law has changed a lot to redress this.

Most women are now advised to keep some kind of financial control, have their own pension etc. However,if they have children and continue to work, they often end up with an unfair amount of domestic duties.

Leaving a relationship should be a last resort, not the first resort. I believe marriage counselling should be used more often to keep a relationship on track, not at a crisis point to save one.

It depends. How “impatient” is he getting with his disabled child?

More family break ups occur with unmarried couples and in most cases the women is worse off afterwards. At the moment it can be hard to get work with a decent pension and women are not always able to earn well for themselves. Having a family is always about sharing the workload but it’s rarely equal. Splitting up without trying to work out differences is not a great idea unless there’s violence and coercion. It’s not a given that all parents can cope with all dc.

My friend has a SEN child and she has do the majority of the care because her DH is impatient.
Impatient = angry, loss of control? Does he shout or slam doors or throw things, or does he show this impatience by glaring and muttering? Look up emotional abuse. Also weaponised incompetence.

But he does pay for everything and covers all expenses so is supportive in that way.
Does she get any say in how anything is spent or does she have no voice? Look up financial control and coercive behaviour.

Sometimes it is not obvious and you have to look between the lines. A man can be lovely and charming in company but can still beat her senseless behind closed doors. Look hard, question everything, and you too might understand why LTB is used.