To expect my dd to revise for her upcoming GCSEs?

[wildfellhall]

I don't think the nagging helps but it's hard to watch the absolute paralysis.
The breakfast at lunchtime.
Although she does fairly well despite being so unable to work steadily.

But I'm torn between having a sense that there are parents who are actually helping and a sense that I should stop trying as I clearly am not helping.

I just want her to do herself justice and decrease the horrible suspense.

It's hard to know what my role could be.

I know by the end of the week she will be distressed that she's done no work but as it is she won't start through some kind of overwhelm.

Any advice gratefully received as I am baffled.

How were her mocks? My DD is also not working at all but she got at 7-9s in her mocks so I’m trusting she knows what’s she’s doing and it’s a long slog from here to the end of exam season so maybe relaxing is important this week.

She did really well in her mocks but at such a cost in terms of stress and distress.
She wants to raise her maths chemistry and physics a bit though.
I guess I have to leave it with her...

I think the best thing you could do is buy the revision guides and sit down with her for 30 minutes to work through some practice tasks. Set a timer and do a short stint. Getting started is the hardest part. Doing a little everyday with her will be a massive help.

My ds is revising but totally relies on me to help him organise his day. He was getting mostly 6s and 7s in last set of mocks, he has another set in March but wants to get some 8s. I don't think he realises how much extra work that will actually take!

I think all you can do is make sure she has everything she needs. Revision guides, snacks etc. Try and make sure she rests enough and get rid of any distractions if you can!

Chunk it! An hour with 20 minutes on each topic. She could do 20 minutes am and then 40 after dinner.

Good advice, I wish she would co-operate a bit or let me help - she all but holds up a crucifix at me when I go in her room 😬

GCSEs were a long time ago for me but I remember treating revision leave as a massive holiday. Got a mix of A, A* and Bs. For some people it does seem to stick first time around. HTH 🙄

m only serious advice is that most people train their strengths, so if you have any input maybe see what DD gravitates towards and make sure that she’s not avoiding what she really ought to be focusing on.

I'm doing my sons FOR him. Yes. Ridiculous, I know.

He once was a bright kid, but his mocks have gone backwards and I cannot adequately put into words how lazy unbothered and unmotivated he is.

Our relationship is very poor (he, imo, has ASD or a personality disorder, but that's a never ending other topic) and I've tried everything relationship-wise and motivation-wise. I now see GCSE's as make or break for his entire existence since he 99.9% will not do anything of his own will following his GCSE's, so I've researched all the options for him, and chosen his path for him (with his shrugged agreement). I did all the college applications for him. I even check his email account daily for all the admin stuff related to those. He needs 5 passes to get onto the path, including English which at his last mocks he'd gone backwards with (from 4 to 3) I'd researched and devised a big revision schedule for him at the start of Y11, and thought he'd get on with it. He didn't. He went backwards on his grades, so lost my shit and I now spend my days watching and summarising YouTube revision guides, and utilising all the revision websites etc for an enforced 2 hours revision 6 days a week. I have to literally sit with him and do the revision with him every day. Luckily I don't work so I have the time to spend on this, every day at the moment. My half term task while he's on holiday with his dad, is writing flash cards and summaries of techniques for every single English GCSE question.

It's absolutely ludicrous that I'm doing this, but I feel like I have no choice. He has one chance to get this right before the next stage - the next stage is where I'm hoping this illusive lightbulb moment will happen for him, but if it doesn't, no doubt I'll be doing the same for his again come next year. And then I'll be waiting for the lightbulb moment again.

I know a lot of people say to leave your kids to make their own mistakes but honestly, I just think this stage is too much of a stepping stone to the rest of their lives, to do that.

LT1233
Awe and respect! That is tough - but I did a LOT of practical stuff for my ds (now 24) who is working and in a career path. But he studied like a dream for his gcses.
Dd won't let me near her to help.
Headphones on.
🤔
Tamade - this is what I'm trying to do ....

I've just done a spot check on what he's up to. He's listening to music and looking at tickets for someone called "Kendrick"?or something like that. I asked how that was revision, he said he was calculating costs of tickets and travel! yeah alright wise guy 🙄

Mines in the kitchen revising, whilst I potter about because we tried the self motivating style and he did nothing but procrastinate.

We do 1 hr slots as this will include toilet visits and snack / drink adventures - I call them adventures because they take so long. So will average probably 20 minutes work.

He loves math and science- so I know he will be better once doing A levels - but if I need to sit on him to do english, History, etc I will because he can do it and needs it to get into his 6th form, he just has no interest despite being fully involved in his options picking.

It is dire and infuriating.

Motivation is so hard for them they are too young unless they are set on a path.
Are you able to offer small incentives eg dd can you study macbeth today, this part of revision book and x on u tube then I will come in a d ask you questions on an hour then I will take you out or do something nice? Or not ask her again?

BTW there is a whole world on u tube and it's short

Yeah this is her specialty - whatever used to call "pissing about"
I can't start a schedule as she still hasn't come for something to eat 🤦‍♀️

Apparently she can't start because asking her if she'd like food or drink is
"Bearing down on her"

🤷‍♀️

She does so well in her a three level subjects that she will happily on those - it's the others...,

Is she receptive to help?
if she is then maybe establishing a time table with breakfast and lunch and dinner. And 1.5hr blocks of study.
and checking she is following it would help.
if she doesn’t want your help then you can’t force her.

That's great you did that for your son - I sometimes wonder if it is wrong (stupid?) to be so involved as I've never spoke to another person who says they're involved in their kids revising but hearing other parents say they are is comforting xx I hope your daughter finds her spark soon

Are you on half term already? Ds2 has his next week and the school are doing some online study sessions and then they are straight in to mocks the week after. I think he has designs on doing additional revision but he works pretty hard through the term and deserves some kind of break.

My DD might be doing revision, but for the fact that her teachers have loaded her up with so much half term homework there is no time!

Won't that all be revision homework though?

Mumona, I have tried so many versions of this, great with someone receptive, but she's just verging on rage with me.

She will probably be fine - but I fear she will be in bits on Friday because she's done no work. It's just maddening.
Having said that - I was a bad student and she does so well. I just wish she would do a bit so we could do some things together like leave the HOUSE

If she's already done well in her mocks I'd cut her some slack and tell her she deserves a bit of a break and to not stress too much.

This may sound counter intuitive but I've got a 17yo and a 16yo and while I didn't get very involved in their GCSE revision I did insist on several consecutive rest days over the holidays and regular exercise. I think it's a long slog to the GCSEs and I think that's why they naturally slack off a bit (plus even adults don't do a steady 8 hours hard mental work a day so we shouldn't expect children to). Allowing them to plan in several complete rest days over the holidays will improve their performance overall. So if she's doing bugger all and procastinating then suggest a day out, preferably one involving some fresh air and exercise (a walk into town and a bowling session would do it, doesn't have to be an all day hike). She might be more inclined to revise after a few days proper rest (not days trying to work but failing to). DD1 plays football and every Saturday she has a game and so all through her GCSE year she took Friday pm to Sunday am off, the football game on Saturday would exhaust her and trying to revise afterwards just left her feeling shit whereas allowing herself chill time meant she was fresh for working on Sunday.

Is there anywhere she can go to study? I’m in Ireland but when step daughter had exams the local pre-school did study halls for them - all the teenagers would go there from 9-3, they provided tea and snacks etc etc.

We also used to let her friends come over for study groups and we would check in on them every hour or so to make sure they were actually studying/drop in snacks.

Another must for her was we took her shopping and she got to pick out all her study essentials (pretty pastel highlights, nice folders, pink note paper etc etc)