Page 2 | to wonder why people think if something hasn't happened to them then it is unlikely?

chargey · 2025-02-18T09:38:38+00:00

I see it all the time on here. For example, someone will post a dog bit me. So many posters will then pipe up saying a dog has never bit me. Seriously can people not understand that everyone has different experiences. Yes a dog may not have bit you but dogs to do bite people. Yet I will see post after post saying the same thing, Is thinking really that limited?

GreyAreas · 18/02/2025 11:26

Our minds are so limited and biased. We can't see it of ourselves so easily though.

publicusername · 18/02/2025 11:26

ItGhoul · 18/02/2025 11:06

I think @ForRealCat has nailed. The ‘That’s never happened to me’ thing isn’t relevant when someone is reporting something that happened to them once. But when someone says that something unusual constantly happens to them, it is relevant that it seems to be happening only to them and not to other posters. To take the dog example, if someone says ‘AIBU to think dogs should be banned because they always bite me whenever we visit anyone who has a dog’ then pointing out that this doesn’t happen to anyone else every time they meet a dog is a useful way to point out that either a) they’re talking shit or b) they, as the common denominator in all these interactions that only seem to happen to them, are likely to be the problem rather than dogs.

I've never heard anyone say that though. You are being deliberately hyperbolic.

I had a lot of bad experiences with dogs when I had small children, even through my children were not interested in dogs. I have concluded that some dogs just like chasing or barking young children. IMO, these dogs should not be off lead.

Some people will have had more bad experiences with dogs, and different people will have higher or lower thresholds as to what constitutes a bad experience of dogs. Some won't mind a random dog barking and jumping up at them, others will be terrified by that.

catzrulz · 18/02/2025 11:33

Devilsmommy · 18/02/2025 10:21

The cost of living ones always get me. It's like they can't comprehend that for some families the choice is either feed your kids or have the heating on. Just because they've never been in that position, it's like they can't understand that kind of poverty exists . I get the vibe of "well you must be wasting money somewhere, gambling, drinking etc, else you could afford both". Makes me😡🙄😒

Absolutely, and the ones who say "just get a taxi" "I'd check into a hotel" or "go and have a spa day".
Many people don't have money for these sort of things on a month to month basis and don't have a rainy day fund.

LindorDoubleChoc · 18/02/2025 11:35

Ime, in Mumsnetland most people just will not accept that some adult children cut off their parents when the parents were never abusive. It is always the parent's fault. And if you try and counter this you will be told "just because your parents weren't abusive doesn't mean other parents aren't" or "you've no idea what it's like to be brought up in a toxic family".

KimberleyClark · 18/02/2025 11:39

publicusername · 18/02/2025 11:26

I've never heard anyone say that though. You are being deliberately hyperbolic.

I had a lot of bad experiences with dogs when I had small children, even through my children were not interested in dogs. I have concluded that some dogs just like chasing or barking young children. IMO, these dogs should not be off lead.

Some people will have had more bad experiences with dogs, and different people will have higher or lower thresholds as to what constitutes a bad experience of dogs. Some won't mind a random dog barking and jumping up at them, others will be terrified by that.

Show quote history

Have seen people on here saying that they get jumped up on and hassled by dogs every time they go out/to a dog friendly cafe and I can quite honestly say that rarely happens to me.

Bjorkdidit · 18/02/2025 11:44

catzrulz · 18/02/2025 11:33

Absolutely, and the ones who say "just get a taxi" "I'd check into a hotel" or "go and have a spa day".
Many people don't have money for these sort of things on a month to month basis and don't have a rainy day fund.

Show quote history

But there's also an awful lot of people on here who are above average earners who say they're just making ends meet and there's nowhere they can cut back.

Yet if they get as far as talking about amounts they spend on X, Y and Z, it's way above average and they would have spare money if only they could be convinced that a punnet of blueberries per person per day is not a basic essential.

TickingAlongNicely · 18/02/2025 11:51

A dog once knocked DD off her bike.
Now obviously not all German Shepherds go around knocking small children off bikes (she was 5 at the time) and there was definitely no malice involved, but it DID happen. And oddly, that DD seems to attract badly behaved dogs. She has been knocked over, had her coat bitten, jumped up at. The same dogs ignore her sister.

I don't know anyone else who attracts them like she does... I think they sense her fear.

So I can believe that some people experience it more than others.

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 18/02/2025 11:58

publicusername · 18/02/2025 11:26

I've never heard anyone say that though. You are being deliberately hyperbolic.

I had a lot of bad experiences with dogs when I had small children, even through my children were not interested in dogs. I have concluded that some dogs just like chasing or barking young children. IMO, these dogs should not be off lead.

Some people will have had more bad experiences with dogs, and different people will have higher or lower thresholds as to what constitutes a bad experience of dogs. Some won't mind a random dog barking and jumping up at them, others will be terrified by that.

Show quote history

Absolutely nothing that dog people say about dogs is to be relied on.

Snorlaxo · 18/02/2025 12:00

Yanbu - very common attitude on here.

Porcuporpoise · 18/02/2025 12:06

Depends on what's being said though doesn't it?
You'd be pretty silly not to believe that someone had been bitten by a dog, but might be rightly sceptical if someone says that "all dogs bite" because it didnt match up with your experience. Likewise if somebody told me they were constantly being bitten by dogs I'd wonder wtf they were doing to them.

Devilsmommy · 18/02/2025 12:20

catzrulz · 18/02/2025 11:33

Absolutely, and the ones who say "just get a taxi" "I'd check into a hotel" or "go and have a spa day".
Many people don't have money for these sort of things on a month to month basis and don't have a rainy day fund.

Show quote history

Exactly, they can't comprehend that not everyone can just take £100 out of their bank account at any point. It's the same as the whole "just move house" as though it's that simple 🙄. And that it's also weird to not have savings, again completely flabbergasted that some people can't even spare £20 at the end of the month to put in savings

Nobodyknowsitall · 18/02/2025 13:14

I feel like this about ivf. Been trying for over 3 years and had 3 failed ivf cycles. I feel like it works for everyone around me but it will never work for me. I really hope I'm wrong.

Devilsmommy · 18/02/2025 13:27

@Nobodyknowsitall so sorry it's not happened for you yet. 🤞 It will soon😊

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 18/02/2025 15:48

LindorDoubleChoc · 18/02/2025 10:15

I think it's fair enough to think an unusual event is unlikely.

I'd never say impossible (MN would ban me if I did!) but I'm thinking of two recent threads where the OPs both "frequently" got shouted at in shops and I just thought, hmm, was it really frequent or just something that happened once and you've exaggerated?

But you're thinking like that because you yourself have never witnessed angry retail staff! I have and it was not fun! I got shouted at and told to "fuck right off" by a shelf stacker once because I was walking slow (I'm severely disabled but he couldn't see that! Thought I was being lazy I presume?)

I was accused of lying or exaggerating about the entire incident as nobody had ever witnessed such behaviour themselves 🙄

I suggest you work a day as a volunteer magistrate and see how much your eyes are opened....

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 18/02/2025 15:49

Bjorkdidit · 18/02/2025 10:22

It could be that people understand statistics and risk frequencies across populations.

Most people have never been bitten by a dog. Most people have never seen other people been bitten by a dog. But people do know that it's a risk and it could happen, yet day to day, generally, unless you're in the habit of surrounding yourself with vicious dogs,it's really quite unlikely. Which doesn't mean the same as it will never happen.

I go walking in the countryside a few times a month. Obviously there are lots of people out there with dogs. Once a dog randomly ran up to me and bit me quite unexpectedly. The owner was mortified and I could see that it seemed to be very out of character. We think that I startled the dog as I came over the hill and she was protecting her puppy who was with her. I wasn't seriously hurt. But even though I have been bitten by a dog, I still think being bitten by a dog again remains unlikely because it's happened once in the hundreds, if not thousands of times I've been walking in the countryside.

See also the risk of food poisoning. On here there seems to be a lot of people who think that eating reheated rice will give them food poisoning, yet the experience of people like me who eat reheated rice all the time shows that it is very very unlikely because I've done this countless times and it's never happened. So statistically the risk of it happening is so low that it's not worth worrying about.

This is called 'survivor bias'

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 18/02/2025 15:52

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 18/02/2025 10:42

It is absolutely endemic. It's a lack of imagination.

I write novels (stay with me here, it's relevant). I get reviews which say 'oh, this was so unbelievable that the main character did X, because if I were in that situation I would have done Y. The main character should have done Y.' Because people absolutely cannot empathise and put themselves in someone else's position. THEY would have done Y - so EVERYONE should do Y.

Oooh I'm intrigued as to which novelist you are now! Care to give a clue?

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 18/02/2025 15:54

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 18/02/2025 15:48

But you're thinking like that because you yourself have never witnessed angry retail staff! I have and it was not fun! I got shouted at and told to "fuck right off" by a shelf stacker once because I was walking slow (I'm severely disabled but he couldn't see that! Thought I was being lazy I presume?)

I was accused of lying or exaggerating about the entire incident as nobody had ever witnessed such behaviour themselves 🙄

I suggest you work a day as a volunteer magistrate and see how much your eyes are opened....

Show quote history

That happened once or you are frequently being shouted at by retail staff?

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 18/02/2025 15:57

@MeowCatPleaseMeowBack Well considering I described one experience, then I'd say it's pretty clear it's only happened once... 🤨

CranfordScones · 18/02/2025 15:58

Are you implying that if something has happened to you then it was likely just because it happened? In which case your thinking is equally biased in the opposite direction. Unlikely events can still happen...

Mumsntfan1 · 18/02/2025 15:59

LindorDoubleChoc · 18/02/2025 10:15

I think it's fair enough to think an unusual event is unlikely.

I'd never say impossible (MN would ban me if I did!) but I'm thinking of two recent threads where the OPs both "frequently" got shouted at in shops and I just thought, hmm, was it really frequent or just something that happened once and you've exaggerated?

Maybe there is a reason the person gets shouted at!

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 18/02/2025 16:03

Some people are just a bit dim and lacking in imagination.

Sasannach · 18/02/2025 16:03

There's a name for it, isn't there? Some kind of bias or cognitive distortion. And many people don't understand that a sample of one/minimal anecdotal evidence doesn't hold much weight in terms of calculating likelihood/risk.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 18/02/2025 16:03

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 18/02/2025 15:52

Oooh I'm intrigued as to which novelist you are now! Care to give a clue?

Show quote history

Sorry no, I'm sick of having to namechange! Just be kind to all novelists you meet in case one of them is me.

Crushed23 · 18/02/2025 16:04

One of the most astounding things about MN is people's inability to think outside their own experiences. See any discussion about WFH and the nature of some jobs.

Movinghouseatlast · 18/02/2025 16:10

It's totally bizarre isn't it. The best was I read that someone declared they absolutely didn't believe that so many posters lived 'rurally' they must be lying.

It's the same with people saying you are being 'nosy' if you as much as notice what other people are doing. I think so many people totally live in their own little bubble. I wonder why this has happened though?