Would getting a dog help my dc?

[Elsbels00]

We've been thinking about getting a dog for quite a while. I know what a massive responsibility it is and that's why we've never really gone for it.

Both of my children 10yo and 16yo struggle a bit socially at times and I'm wondering whether a pet would bring some joy to their lives. 10yo especially is such an animal lover

I certainly wouldn't be expecting them to take care of it of course, my 16yo is pretty busy anyway.

But a pet to love might be good for everyone. I can rem her being a teenager myself and my pets were always a great comfort to me. All those evening dog walks when I was feeling fed up.

My DC adore our dog and she them. It brings me joy to see how they interact with her. Our dog is very affectionate but also loves to play which she does with all members of the family. But she particularly enjoys her play time with my children ( who are now older teenagers). I say if you are happy with set up, go for it!

Get a cat. They being so much joy and are much lower maintenance. Well apart from the late Cheddar who was a Velcro cat. 🤣

Whippets are very prone to separation anxiety. Not impossible but if you know they’d be left regularly, then perhaps a less clingy breed? Also one of the things we love about retrievers is being able to play fetch and run about. Sight hounds often have a high prey drive so can’t always be left off lead to run about. This is fine if you just want to walk a dog but if you want to play and relax that way a more active dog might be better, trouble with a very active dog - like the hunting/retriever breeds is they need a lot of exercise. Like 90mins minimum a day. Unlike the whippet. However like the whippet they pretty much go to sleep in the house. Retrievers don’t tend to suffer from separation anxiety as much.

Although all dogs need to be trained and sensitised to being left alone some are more confident alone than others for a couple of hours and are less destructive if unhappy. it’s unrealistic in my opinion to say any dog won’t be left alone but definitely some adapt better. Our dog was fine being left alone for up to 5 hours if he’d had a good walk, but as he got older he definitely became clingier so we hardly left him at all in his last year. But you adapt and make it work.

We got the world's naughtiest rescue dog when the DSC were young teens. DSS in particular loved that dog. It was worth all the mud, walks in the dark/rain, stolen food, dog running off and not coming back...we worked and dog was home for chunks of the day alone but was a good fit for our family overall.
Had a different dog by time youngest DD was similar age but she's much less keen on dogs in general - ours she quite liked as she was a very meek quiet dog (very unlike the previous bad girl).
Rescue dogs can be hit and miss, but if you have no other pets I would consider it.

My children grew up with a golden retriever. She brought a lot to all our lives. As teenagers they would tell the dog their troubles and they would take her for long walks. She was a wonderful dog.

It would absolutely help. I think the bigger question is how you feel about it. I got our dog when DC was 11. Assuming he goes to uni at 18 I may have around 8 years with our dog alone. I now want to work face to face and luckily have family who can help so she isn’t alone very much. I absolutely adore my dog, but do think about the longer term, if anything could change.

I've wanted a dog in forever. Finally our housing situation is suitable, at least one adult always home & with good walks nearby but I've put it to a vote and once again have been overruled.

Cats are easier, even as a kitten. Adopting an adult cat without knowing their history is a problem as you can't predict their behaviour.

We got a dog around the same age as your youngest and to be honest, for the first year I thought I'd made a terrible mistake. Just as we were getting a bit more freedom as parents, suddenly there was something else to be responsible for that would not ever 'grow up'. By which I mean, DS was suddenly able to walk to school alone, but I was still doing dog walks.

But given DS then had a very troubled late teens (he has ASD) where he basically doesn't speak to anyone, the dog has probably saved our family. It's the one point of unity we have, the dog's not contentious, everyone laughs at the dog, everyone wants to know what the dog's been doing.

That said, whippets are total velcro dogs who'll struggle with being left and actually really don't want to go for a walk every day. They struggle with the concept of British weather.

Actually... a whippet might be quite a sound choice. They're basically wipe-clean, unlike my mud monster, curl up small like a cat and have sweet, soulful little faces. Essentially a cat in dog form (but needs a burst of running -- do you have a large garden?).

[Edited because the damned autocorrect jumped in]

We have a cat that our kids love, and while she spends every evening on my lap (and gives us The Look if we are delayed getting settled on the sofa), the kids don't get a huge amount of affection from her. Mine are younger than yours though. My memories of having a dog as a child were that DDog was waiting for us by the door everytime we came in and gave us so much love and affection. And being able to get out and walk him, with my headphones on, was a great way to deal with teenage angst and get some fresh air and exercise. When DCat is no longer with us (and DCs are a bit older) we will be getting a dog.

I think you sound well set up for it. Leaving a dog a couple of mornings a week doesn’t seem an issue to me, it’s always better to have a dog that is used to being left for a couple of hours with no problems otherwise you would be stuck in an emergency. You could get a dog walker those mornings if you felt you needed to but if it’s only a couple of hours just leave some entertainment for them.

It can help, yes.

Or a dog with issues can be very isolating and stressful.

Take your time - as you have to be out of the house several times a week the first thing I would do is look at the availability of sitters/daycare in your area, keeping in mind that not all set ups will suit all dogs of course.

If you get a puppy it will be a year to 18 months before you can reliably expect them to do anything sensible as and when you need them to (so that doesn't mean they can't handle various things here and there, but its not going to be predictable, reliable etc etc!).

If you get a rescue, well you know what you're getting shape/size wise but everything else is still a bit of a gamble, it takes rescue dogs 6+ months to settle in, more if they've been pushed from pillar to post a fair bit or if you adopt during adolescence.

Getting a dog who is going to be capable of taking part in various doggy activities can be a good way to get out and do stuff - that doesn't mean you have to be hard-core into obedience or agility, there are some great activities now, Mantrailing is nice, your dog doesn't even have to be good with other dogs for that, they have to have a nose and the ability to follow it!

If you all want a dog, and you can make the time/sacrifices/compromises needed... then yep, go for it!

Retired greyhound?

OP doesn’t mention a puppy only a dog,

(ignore that I spotted others mention a puppy)

Yes a dog has the potential to be a great addition to your family. I think it's a particularly good idea when they are getting to the age where they think they're too cool for a cuddle from mum but not the dog. Just research different breeds and find out and pet insurance.

Thank you for all the replies. Just off out so will catch up when I'm back.

Lots and lots to think about.

this....but also I think that pets shouldn't be considered unless its the adults in the house who really want one and who can COMMIT to having more than enough time for it. Also consider what you will do if it doesn't help your child/children and if it doesn't work out. I get, I really do, the benefits of pets. I can't have a dog now after having had them for most of my adult life and I really miss having one. BUT I don't think that anyone should have a pet unless they can give as much or more to the pet as the pet gives to them. I also think that society in general is much less dog tolerant than it was and that also needs to be considered. Honestly I think that "will a dog benefit my children" is the wrong question.

Ex racing greyhounds are always needing homes once they've stopped racing. https://www.greyhoundtrust.org.uk/

You can't just leave a dog alone for 3 mornings a week from the start - that's the issue. You build up slowly from a few minutes, etc.

I and others are simply anxious that you understand all the realities of getting a dog. It requires a lot of work and training.

We have two whippets and they are the most amazing dogs I have ever had. So different from any other breed I have owned. They are goofy, funny, vocal, warm and loving but a bit needy. I cannot tell you how much joy they have brought to our lives and how much our daughters adore them. We got them when our youngest was just a few years older than yours and it changed their lives and enriched them in so many ways. But yes, as someone else mentioned, your kids grow up and leave home, as ours have now done, as my DH and I are the ones taking care of them and doing all the walks. But we love it. We walk them, we chat and connect on our walks and on weekends we take them to the beach to run free.

We found ours need good exercise, so long walks, but to keep them really happy they also need to be able to run so an enclosed dog park areas or somewhere they can stretch their legs is vital in my opinion. They love to run and are amazing to watch when they set off at full speed. We get so many people stop to watch them 'play chase' and run pelt down the beach.

Their prey drive is mental too so we have to be careful with them off lead.
Anything small and furry they want to chase so excellent recall if you have them off lead is vital.

Once they got out of the puppy stages as long as they had their nice walks each day and a bit of a run they literally snooze all day so are not high maintenance at all. One other thing ours love company and don't really like being left alone and will look at you like you are abusing them if you try to leave them. So just be aware of this. It may need work and building them up for being left for longer amounts of time. We leave ours alone now and they will quite happily just sleep while we are out for a few hours but it took us time to get to this point. They just love their humans. They also need cosy sofas, big soft beds and blankets and ours want to be treated like royalty. We literally have to 'tuck them in' to their beds at night like children or they cry!! 😂But they are honestly the most wonderful family pets ever.

The puppy years are very hard work though, no matter what breed. You only have to look at some past threads on here to see the cries of help from people who have had one and forgot how hard work it is and how much time it takes to settle them, toilet train them and give them the time and energy they require so think long and hard before you take one on that you are committed to the job of raising it.

If you do go for it, you are in for an amazing time!!

Good Luck

Get in touch with some rescue places, most say dogs are fine with children over 5, unless there are specific issues with an individual dog. You would then have the benefit of being able to meet the dogs beforehand and seeing if it's likely to be the right temperament for your DC.
A puppy is a lot of work and won't be able to be left alone for long until it's a few months old so you might be better off with an older dog.
Your DC definitely should get involved with looking at the dog too, my 13 & 10 year olds take our dog out for a walk and feed him some evenings.

A warning that rescue dogs do need a settling in time, may need to be reminded about stuff like not weeing in the house (may never have learned this depending on background) and may also come with separation anxiety which may be temporary. Similarly they may also food guard which may be really bad around children. Good rescues will tell you all this. Any rescue that doesn't tell you all the downside, especially if it also comes with "give me the money, here's your dog" you should not touch with a bargepole. The word "rescue" has no legal definition and apart from the same animal health/welfare laws that we are all subject to, are not subject to any kind of legal control.

I'd say go for it. Dogs are ace. Get a family friendly breed - lab or retriever or other similar family dog.

Work out what you'll do about holidays etc. We have family help so we leave our dog with the in laws when we go away. She wouldn't cope in kennels. We haven't had to deal with everyone going away yet but we'd probably find a pet sitter to come to the house. Or get them used to kennels early on if you don't have family help.

When they are a puppy you have to be there all the time really - apart from nipping to the shops or something. We found that till they were about 6 months it was hard to leave them any long than an hour or so really.

It does seem that, as a puppy would need a lot of input and time, an older rescue would be best (I have had 3). However, go to a good rescue that wants to match you and the dog as best as possible so the dog has the right home. There are many small rescues that are just keen on finding any home that seems vaguely suitable for their inmates without much thought and without having evaluated the dog properly themselves first (speaking from experience - I had one that only been in the rescue a day or two and a little later on turned out to have huge stress behaviour problems from his unknown traumatic past). I think this might be because they want to rescue as many as they can so need a quick turnover due to limited kennel space but that isn't the kindest thing for the dogs. Battersea are good. They sometimes have dogs for months before they decide they are ready to be listed for adoption. Some dogs have come in because their owners can no longer care for them but have not been ill treated, so not every dog has difficult problems.

You're absolutely fine to get a dog or puppy with your set up OP. Just need a safe crate and someone to visit and let the dog out and play for a bit on the mornings you're away. Eventually it might be OK for the morning alone if it has a walk first. My dog has been amazing for family life. My teen takes her for long walks and my younger DC 'trains' her. She's an endless source of love, comfort, family conversation and laughter. It's a good idea. A cat is good too but a dog is a different level really.