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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel aprehensive about this holiday?

30 replies

muggglewump · 09/05/2008 16:34

My Dad asked today if DD and I want to go on holiday with him. He's 82 but in good health, I'm a single Mum on benefits so can't afford a holiday.
In theory it's great but in practice, it's a log cabin on a small site, a walk out of a small village in Scotland.
He wants to take us and made it clear he'd pay for everything but he wants to go before the school holidays. I'm so used to being independent and I'm worried that DD will play up (she's a good kid but maybe a bit loud at times and she is 6 and a typical 6yr old)) and if I'm honest, that I'll be bored shitless.
He's said he'll take us out in the car some days, maybe over to Skye where I've never been and I really don't want to be ungrateful but I'm just not sure this is a good idea.
I don't really want to take her out of school for a week either but it's the only proper holiday she'll get although I am taking her to London for the day for her 7th birthday in August.

Opinions please?

OP posts:
lilyloo · 09/05/2008 16:35

You have a very nice dad.

LynetteScavo · 09/05/2008 16:38

If you think your DD would have a good time, go and grit your teeth, it will be worth it for her sake.

Original poster
muggglewump · 09/05/2008 16:41

Oh I know that Lilyloo but it's just not that simple.
He's great but he is stubborn and doesn't really do kids getting boisterous/sulky/tantrummy/annoying for any length of time and I can't guarantee DD won't do that over the space of a week.
I don't want to go and all of us hate it when he could go himself as he usually does and enjoy himself

OP posts:
WiiMii · 09/05/2008 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EffiePerine · 09/05/2008 16:42

I think if he's asked you he's already resigned himself to the strops!

Do you have a sibling who might come as well (and pay their own way)?

It is a nice thought of his

WiiMii · 09/05/2008 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WiiMii · 09/05/2008 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
muggglewump · 09/05/2008 16:49

I feel so ungrateful now, honest I'm not.
I do have a sibling who would balk at the thought of doing anything for our Dad (the last visit he made, him and his new fiancee slobered all over each other the whole time in front of him)
I just think that the way he is, he'll be fed up with a 6yr old after 2 days and I'll feel uncomfortable and so will he and it'll be a disaster but at the same time I really want DD to have a holiday

OP posts:
lilyloo · 09/05/2008 16:49

My dad very similair and for that reason i know he would never ask me but i would say that if he has then he is accepting that dd will behave as a 6 year old.
Maybe he is bored on his own and wants some company.

Pheebe · 09/05/2008 16:53

For what its worth I think you should go, what a lovely offer. Sorry to be blunt, but how many more opportunities might your dd get to go on hols with her grandad.

I think planning will be the key. Get on the web and see whats about, plan 2 or 3 days out in the car (your dads offered so take him up on it) then plan some activities closer to home, see if you can borrow some sports stuff, tescos are doing some really cheap sets at the mo, and take a box of games and crafty activities. Your dad might enjoy getting involved too.

Also perhaps be prepared to take dd out on your own, walks or borrow the car if you can drive to give your dad a break maybe

Try and see it as a special one on one time for you all and a special childhood memory in the making for your dd rather than a chore to be dreaded

ivykaty44 · 09/05/2008 16:55

Your very sensible, knowing the limits. I would explain to your dad you have resevations about going away as your dd could have a tantrum/strop etc and that you would feel under pressure if this happens as you are aware he would not approve - then see what his reaction to this is? Then see if you can come up with a solution before you travel - i.e. if dd has a strop dad goes for a walk to let you deal with dd on your own.

Ask your dad if he plans to do something with your dd on his own - some granddad time with dd

Take a trip to the library and get plenty of books for you and dd, take some music. Go and have a peacful time on hols.

Original poster
muggglewump · 09/05/2008 17:11

I don't think he'll do one on one time with DD, but then I don't expect that. I just know that our way of living which includes being boisturous and messing around isn't his way and I know it'll annoy him but I can hardly train DD not to do it for a week.
I know he's doing this for us, and I really am grateful, I'm just aware that it might go very wrong and he'll hate it and I'll damage our relationship and we'll all have an awful time

OP posts:
pointydog · 09/05/2008 17:28

Do lots of googling and make up a list of all the things you could do with your dd just the two of you (if you need a break from your dad) and things you could do with your dad as well (to make sure you all eanjoy each others' company for somne of the time).

Take weather into account, especially if you are going to rural Scotland. Take cost into account if you have to.

Now. Have you got a decent sized lists of activities to last a week?

If so, I'd say risk it, safe in the knowledge you can get out of your dad's hair for half a day at a time if needs be.

Take things like a cheap kite so if it#s getting stressful in the evening, you can go outdoors (weather, I know) with dd and come back in at her bedtime.

If your list is very small, I'd consider not going.

Rocky12 · 09/05/2008 17:30

I would 'blame' the school and say they wont allow time off during term time and she has tests etc that she cannot miss.

However he is 82 and I know that my Mum is not necessarily the person she was when she brought all three of us up!

I would definitely discuss your reservations regarding your daughter.

Rocky12 · 09/05/2008 17:30

I would 'blame' the school and say they wont allow time off during term time and she has tests etc that she cannot miss.

However he is 82 and I know that my Mum is not necessarily the person she was when she brought all three of us up!

I would definitely discuss your reservations regarding your daughter.

Original poster
muggglewump · 09/05/2008 17:46

That's part of the problem Pointydog, I don't drive so I'm kinda stuck in the middle of nowhere with a walk to a small village. I can't see there being much to do there either.
I'm great at coming up with games, I do it all winter to keep us warm when I've no cash for the heating but I'm not sure I want to do that on holiday although I will of course.
I feel so bad even posting but I honestly don't want anyone, including my Dad who's paying to have a bad time.

I do also think that my Dad wants to do this for us before, well you know which I hate to face up to but I still don't want us all to have a horrible time and bad memories.

OP posts:
pointydog · 09/05/2008 17:50

ahh, you don;t drive. That's a problem. Ok.

Then you need to make a list of places where you and dd can have fun that also have a nice cafe/shop where grandad can potter about. So you are not always together. I agree that you need to know you will be able to have time apart.

Have you got a stomp rocket? Can be fun evening outdoor activity. They are quite cheap but depends what cash you have.

POssibly not a good idea. I'd judge by your list.

Original poster
muggglewump · 09/05/2008 18:03

What's a stomp rocket?
My Dad likes coffee shops and he said we'd eat out every night.

OP posts:
pointydog · 09/05/2008 18:07

stomp rocket - kids love it. You need a large, clear outdoor space.

Original poster
muggglewump · 09/05/2008 18:41

It looks like fun, it would not go down well with my Dad.
Think a conservative, intolerant of children 82 yr old although he is lovely and wants to do this for DD and I.
I just don't know what to do

OP posts:
milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk · 09/05/2008 19:44

muggle i think you know, your dd deserves a holiday, surely you can grin and bear it for a week for your dds ssake?

happy holiday !!

go on you might enjoy it !!!

cookiemonstress · 09/05/2008 21:17

Is there any possibility you could go for just part of it? That way you don't have the prospect of a whole week and DD gets to go away?

Original poster
muggglewump · 09/05/2008 22:02

OK, I'll go, I'll grin and bare it!
I really don't want to come across as ungrateful, I just want us to enjoy ourselves.
I'm sure it'll be great and DD will remember her holiday forever

OP posts:
milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk · 09/05/2008 22:15

muggle, any cahnce you could talk to your dad before you go, sort of pre warn him that although you can "control" for want of a better word, dds behaviour for a short visit, you'll need to let her lose a bit on holiday.

that way he'll know what to expect.

wel done, i think youve made the right choice, hope you have a great time.

Original poster
muggglewump · 09/05/2008 22:29

I will tell him that MilkGoddess, but I'm not sure he takes it in.
His Grandaughter(my DD) is perfect to him and she is when we spend time together, but it's never more than an hour at a time, DD having a paddy for no reason, or sulking, or just being DD is something my Dad has never seen.
I just think a week is too much, but then I deprive DD of a holiday.

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