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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I split equity in house I own solely?

40 replies

AquaSwan · 18/02/2025 07:49

This ended up being long- sorry!

Partner and I have been together 14 years, met at uni. I have always saved and been good with money, he always hasn’t.

Three years ago I reached a stage where I had enough savings for a deposit on a house, we were renting which was going to be similar price to the mortgage. Partner had a couple of grand saving which he put towards solicitors fees etc, but house was solely in my name, mainly due to his poor credit score. His family also ended up giving him £5k which went towards furniture etc. Deposit was £12k.

We both pay the mortgage, and since having our daughter I now pay proportionately less as I’m now part time. We both earn the same full time equivalent.
I told him that I was happy to pay the deposit (as I wanted to buy) but we agreed that he would save and contribute more towards our next house.

So, three years later we are now looking to move to a bigger property, and will need to have a joint mortgage to afford this. I find out my partner has not saved, and has some debt I didn’t know about (completely unnecessarily as we earn a fine amount for our outgoings). I have also paid for other things eg. our car family upfront and let him pay me back over a long period, losing me money in interest. I have continued saving and it looks like I am going to have to cover all the fees, removals etc (around 10k) and he will pay me back again.

So, considering all of this I brought up writing up a deed of trust going into the new house. I am still nervous being linked to him financially and it doesn’t seem fair that I should split all the equity from a house not in his name that I’ve put effort in saving for etc, I was thinking about taking off his mortgage contributions plus the couple of grand he put towards fees.

He was not happy about this and feels he should get half the equity, less my deposit as we have both been paying the mortgage.

All of this is hypothetical seen as as long as we stay together it will all just go towards the house, but it’s a ‘just in case’ as don’t want to put myself in a vulnerable situation or lose out, especially now we have a daughter.

Do you think this is fair? Am I being unreasonable? Really unsure so posting for the first time!

OP posts:

Blushingm · 18/02/2025 07:54

I think rather than £12k off, it should be whatever % your deposit was of the value of the original price should be taken off and then the remaining is 50/50. You're a household and so have contributed and shared bills - you say you bought the car but he's paid more mortgage

Adhikv · 18/02/2025 07:56

I think as he’s been paying the mortgage and you are a family you should half the equity. We bought together with my contribution 4 times more than his and always said if we split we each take back our deposits and half the equity.
However I wouldn’t buy the house together unless he’s going to be more transparent about finances

Fidgety31 · 18/02/2025 07:58

‘He was not happy about this and feels he should get half the equity, less my deposit as we have both been paying the mortgage.’

if you had paid half the mortgage wouldn’t you expect half the equity ?

TheSandgroper · 18/02/2025 08:02

Your financial compatibility is very low. This does not make for a healthy partnership.

I can’t find the words to say nicely “don’t do it”. How big does his level of debt have to get and how often will it happen? Whatever money you ever save will always, eventually, go into the maw that is his debt.

randomchap · 18/02/2025 08:02

So he pays more of the mortgage now that you're part time? And you don't want him to have any equity in the house?

Could you cope if he decided to no longer pay a mortgage for a house he has no financial interest in? If he decided to pay some kind of rent instead?

It sounds like you don't trust him financially, if this is the case why are you still with him?

Miloarmadillo2 · 18/02/2025 08:03

You should split the equity 50:50 once you have taken off your initial contributions (the fees he paid and your deposit) and set up an agreement that you also ring fence the fees you are paying for the new house. I would suggest you pay the mortgage 50:50 to make it straightforward in the event of a future split. If he’s working full time get him to contribute more towards other bills.

babbi · 18/02/2025 08:05

Sorry but I think you’d be mad to continue to have joint finance with this man .
Do you really want to be with someone with such poor financial management?
To be honest I’d look at selling up and going it alone .
You are not compatible financially and in the long term it will do you damage .

YourLimeScroller · 18/02/2025 08:05

Unless you also earmarked £5k for new furniture then he actually put in £7k. As you’ve both been paying the mortgage then the equity should be split - this seems very
petty for the sale of the £5k difference in deposit and is this how you want your partnership going forward? Your problem is the financial transparency ongoing and looking at why he’s unable to save similar amounts to you - what does he spend his disposal income on? Why not set up a savings account as part of joint bills/household costs.

Glorybox2025 · 18/02/2025 08:07

You've let him pay half the mortgage - half the equity is his less your deposit. If you wanted to keep your own asset you should have paid the mortgage on your own.

Merryoldgoat · 18/02/2025 08:09

Splitting the equity is reasonable as he’s paid half the mortgage and more when you went to part time.

Tying yourself to someone financially irresponsible isn’t a good idea in general.

I’d probably split as he asked except have the deposit amount increase with the value of the house.

Original poster

AquaSwan · 18/02/2025 08:10

Thanks for replying/responding. Yes I think maybe % of deposit is fair. I will ask the solicitor. I think I’m just annoyed at having to contribute all initial outgoings once again, without him having put any long term effort in saving, as we previously agreed. But yes we have both paid the mortgage and bills and are a family household.

OP posts:

Calamitousness · 18/02/2025 08:16

So he paid £7k -fees and furniture. you paid £12k deposit. Presumably you enjoyed use of furniture. You needed to pay fees. So you are debating over £5k splitting that? He paid half mortgage and you are meant to
be a family. I’m not getting where you deserve all equity.
if you don’t want to be tied to him then make sure you don’t take his money and solely buy the house or agree a higher split moving forward for next house where you pay a higher deposit and more of the mortgage.

but for the current house I’d say you are equal in equity ownership.

DogDaysNeverEnd · 18/02/2025 08:16

You can split the equity (on paper) as he suggested on the condition that finances are pooled going forwards and you have jointly agreed spending and saving. If you don't you will be resentful, as will he. In future can you go with the common practice of all into a joint pot, bay all bills and svaings, then an equal share of fun money for you both? If he's crap at saving and has debt it's not OK for you to keep carrying him.

Samung · 18/02/2025 08:16

Of course you don't half the equity. You get legal advice so that when you make the purchase you own a percentage that reflects your much higher contribution. That contribution includes the fees, not just the deposit.

I'd be nervous about buying with someone who isn't managing his money and is going to expect to be able to continue to 'loan' money for larger purchases like cars. He hasn't really contributed 50% to your household in your current home.

zzplec · 18/02/2025 08:17

How much equity have you built up in just 3 years?

You sound financially incompatible. And I'm surprised other posters haven't mentioned marriage yet...

Bestfootforward11 · 18/02/2025 08:18

Blushingm · 18/02/2025 07:54

I agree with this.
I’m also wondering why he is overspending? What is he spending on?

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 18/02/2025 08:20

you just believed he was saving…. Keep an eye next time.. would he transfer savings to you.

whoamI00 · 18/02/2025 08:22

YABU, the relationship will feel more like a landlord and tenant arrangement rather than a partnership.

Redfred00 · 18/02/2025 08:23

You've been together 14 years. I think YABU. You saved the money for the deposit while you were together. How much had his contribution to your living costs supported you to save? You contributed 12k to the first deposit but seem to minimise HIS parents' 5k and the 2/3k he contributed. Consider he put it 8k and you put in 12k I'd say that's pretty equal considering he pays a higher mortgage contribution. I would do everything 50:50. I'd put all wages money into a joint account, pay the bills, pay x amount into joint saving and then split the rest as fun money. You are either a team or your not a team.

Liesmorelies · 18/02/2025 08:25

How sure are we that this man is financially irresponsible? He is paying more due to OP going part time so maybe this partly explains why he hasn't saved? And how much is the debt and what for? A one-off purchase now on an interest free card being paid off is different from debt for on-going stupid shit spiralling out of control imo.

I don't think the difference between what was originally paid in was all that much and it sounds like money could potentially continue to be a sticking point due to differing attitudes towards it. It doesn't seem much of a partnership really. Or at least they're just not financially compatible.

Thingamebobwotsit · 18/02/2025 08:25

Going forward set up a joint savings account for joint purchases and family expenses that you both pay into. One or two long term joint savings accounts and a "bills" account. Keep all the rest separate. I say this as someone who has maintained financial independence throughout but even we got to the stage where it got too messy and had to reconsider how we managed family finances.

In terms of the equity it sounds a fairly even split, but the ongoing management of family finances (not individual) sounds more of a challenge. That is the bit I would focus on.

Having said that you are at the stage in your lives where money is always going to be tighter, so unless his debt is huge and you have been paying a disproportionate amount in and he has been off on lots of holidays without you, I would cut him some slack. Concentrate on getting family savings together and enjoy your new home.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/02/2025 08:26

He’s paid half the mortgage course he gets half the equity

I thought this was going to be ive paid it all and now he wants some

Cosyblankets · 18/02/2025 08:27

You put in 12k
He put in 5k from parents plus a couple of grand so 7K to 8k
That's not a massive difference
You say you bought the car so lost out on the interest. How much are we talking?
He sounds a bit financially immature but you sound like a penny pincher and i don't think you're financially compatible. It just has the foundations for continuous arguments about money.

Cosyblankets · 18/02/2025 08:35

Also you say you would earn the same as him if you were full time.
But you're not.
You're part time.
You can't say to a mortgage company if i worked FT it would be X because you're not full time.
You've enabled him to work full time by looking after your joint child and therefore saving on childcare. But the fact is he has paid the mortgage and any equity that has been increased he should also be entitled to.
If this was other way round MN would be up in arms about you paying someone else's mortgage when your name isn't on it. So he has taken a chance.
You either need to go your separate ways and buy on your own or share it out fairly in a way that you both agree.

SleepToad · 18/02/2025 08:36

Clearly just by asking this question you don't expect your relationship to last.

Put yourself in his position if you split. He has paid a lot of the mortgage, put together a lot of money for fees) furniture and will get nothing.

You have put in a deposit and some of the mortgage, but take everything.

If this was a man saying I want all the house the response from MN would be completely different.

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