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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed my son brings his friends home and I feel i have to feed them?

24 replies

AMAZINWOMAN · 09/05/2008 16:02

my son quite often brings his friends homes when he feels like. But they stay until 7 or 8 ish and I feel I have to feed them.

tonight though I am annoyed, as I was planning on taking my son out to subway for tea. (my other son is out, so it is very rare for us to be alone)

and i was looking forward to it being just us, and not preparing a meal. Now he has brought his friend and I can't afford to pay for all 3 of us, but now I feel i have to make a meal.

its so hard making meals on a budget, but when he brings his friends home without checking with me first, I feel put on.

OP posts:

Legacy · 09/05/2008 16:05

How old is he? Can't he call you/ ask first? That would be my rule.... (but then DSs are only 8 & 6 at the mo....)

nametaken · 09/05/2008 16:06

Big bowl of plain pasta with butter and grated cheese on top?

How old is your ds?

Dynamicnanny · 09/05/2008 16:06

Give them a small snack and then drop his friend home and drive to subway - problem solved

MingMingtheWonderPet · 09/05/2008 16:07

While it is lovely that your son feels he wants to bring friends back I am sure that it is pretty annoying to be constantly feeding other children.
Don't know how old your DS is, but couldn't you say that there are at least 3 days of the week when he can't bring anyone home. At least then you would know what you are doing?

Original poster

AMAZINWOMAN · 09/05/2008 16:11

I don't have a car, so rely on them being picked up!

My son is 13. And I do want him to feel he can bring friends home, and I really like all of his friends. They are lovely boys, and really polite to me.

I hate cooking anyway, I find it a real chore.

I will definietly have to think about kids free days

OP posts:

Lazycow · 09/05/2008 16:25

Well at 13 it may be time for your son to learn some basic cooking. Once he can make a few things himself, you could say that any time a friend comes over they need to cook their own meal, maybe they could even make some for you. Also I would have 1 or 2 days a week where he knows he can't have people home. That way you feel less resentful when he does.

CombustibleLemon · 09/05/2008 16:28

Could you keep a double portion of liver casserole in the freezer, and explain to him that if he keeps on bringing friends without warning you, that's what they'll be getting?

marmadukescarlet · 09/05/2008 16:29

Agree lazy cow, teach him how to boil pasta and grate cheese at the very least.

I think it is lovely that they think you are so cool it's ok to hang out at your place. But tricky when you are on a budget or trying to enjoy some 121 time.

Think the idea of 'no friends nights' is good.

PosieParker · 09/05/2008 16:29

Great idea Lazycow, I was about to post that myself. At 13 at the very least he should be helping cook, I could cook a little at that age.

StealthPolarBear · 09/05/2008 16:31

lol at liver casserole

readytoswiggin · 09/05/2008 16:32

Totally agree. I was able to do beans on toast by the time I was 10 - surely he is capable of this?

Also like the idea of friend free nights

pagwatch · 09/05/2008 16:35

Umm
my son is 14 and has been perfectly capeable of making a pasta supper for himself and any stray friends for quite some time now.

Don't accept a situation and then be quietly annoyed about it - how is your son supposed to learn how to treat people? Explain that he is welcome to bring friends home x times each week but that you expect to know in advance.And he will be cooking.
Just as my DS does
( he does a brill cooked breakfast as well)

soopermum1 · 09/05/2008 16:47

i think it's good your son brings his friends home and that you like them and they like you and being in your home. i would encourage it and hope it continues, better that than hanging around god knows where. good tip re getting your son to cook quick and easy dinner.

serendippity · 09/05/2008 16:53

What about cheese on toast? Could he have a go at that?

southeastastra · 09/05/2008 16:54

i just make sandwiches if my son does that. or i ask them what time they're going as we have to organise dinner.

cornsilk · 09/05/2008 16:55

I buy frozen pizzas on offer for occasions like this - doesn't cost much to feed them.

OrmIrian · 09/05/2008 16:56

"I'm afraid we are going out now X, so we'll see you again soon. Bye" Whilst holding the door open and ushering him out. I used to have worries and qualms of all sorts when this started happening but no more. Once the friends start arriving independently without prior arrangment you have no responsibility to feed or water them.

Rocky12 · 09/05/2008 17:20

Problem is if you say you are going out they might say they will stay in and then start helping themselves, and you know what a mess kids make of the kitchen!

I agree some frozen pizzas or such like are fine along with pasta with cheese on top..

cory · 10/05/2008 14:32

Good advice here. Spell out any rules in advance- unfair to everybody if you're seething in private because you don't explain yourself clearly.

And get your son to do things for himself instead of feeling annoyed because you have to do them for him.

I have never met anyone who was upset when told 'sorry, we're going out tonight'. But I do remember being brought back to play at somebody's house and feeling that I wasn't really welcome- very uncomfortable.

StopSpyingYouFreak · 10/05/2008 14:38

The liver cassarole is an excellent idea!

StopSpyingYouFreak · 10/05/2008 14:39

Ds1's friends arrive unannounced sometimes (as do my own) but I just tell them we are eating so it's time to go!

Original poster

AMAZINWOMAN · 10/05/2008 14:41

I hadn't told my son I wanted to eat out, as I only decided in the day! My son decided when he was in school to invite his friend around. So last night was impulsive for both of us.

Will definitely have a no kids days though-

If my son invites frinds around (today he has more) I will cook for them. If he doesn't ask, and brings stray friends home on his travels, he will make a snack for them.

My son is a very laid back, sociable boy and makes friends easily! Even when he is at home, the phone always rings or the bell goes. I wish I could make friends as easily as he does!

OP posts:

noddyholder · 10/05/2008 14:46

I could have written this post!My ds is the same Now and again I just say no and kick them out but mostly I put up with it,.Ds is an only child and his friends are v important to him and its not forever

seeker · 10/05/2008 15:22

At 13 he sould certainly be able to cook a meal. Tell him that if he wants his friends to be fed he needs to ring you in advance. Don't cook for his fr1ends if he hasn't rung you unless you are cooking for yourself anyway - or unless the fr1end has been specifically invited to tea. But he really should be cooking for the family by now!

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