To ask MIL's how to include you as a grandmother?

[ArcticFunky]

I'm very lucky to have good relationships with my own parents, who are already grandparents to my brothers two and my in-laws who aren't grandparents yet - but will be first time grand parents to my baby. MIL only has sons ( four ) and I am with her eldest. She has mentioned before that she loves having me in the family because irs like gaining a daughter. I saw a tik tok on my algorithm that is heavily tailored to all content that is new-mum friendly at the moment where a nasty woman was boasting about how her MIL will be put in her place when her baby grows up seeing her as 'dad's side of the family' as though to imply this is lesser than being on mums side. I think this is disgusting & it got me really deeply thinking about how to include my MIL as much as I include my own mum with baby.

Some things I will naturally speak to my own mum more about like physical side effects of the birth etc, but as much as possible I want MIL to feel like a new grandmother when I feel like a new mother and I know she will want to be included and is very family orientated but is possibly too polite to ask or insert herself. I know this is a huge chapter in her life also & I juat want to make it special for her. For any MIL's out there what specific things have you had said to you, done for you or have your daughters in law done to really include you with your grand child when they have been born? We live locally enough to family and have a nice work life balance in that help with child care won't be essential or expected but I'd love to know. I don't want to look back one day and realise I'd missed opportunities to include MIL more.

I'd recommend asking her to join you when you go shopping for baby bits, asking for her opinion on what you might need.
Send scan pics and keep her updated how your pregnancy is going.
Send her a picture as soon as you can when baby is born and invite her over as soon as you feel ready.

How absolutely lovely 🥰🥰

Oh Bless you
See how you feel when your baby arrives

Im a DIL, but my MIL knitted a few things for DC1, and when I shared that the nurses had complimented the blanket I could tell she was really pleased. We then took that blanket to the hospital for DC2 (more compliments from midwives - it’s a really cute blanket) and then passed it on to the next one of MILs children to have a baby.
I think if you’re both approaching your relationship in a positive thoughtful way it will naturally go well, and facilitate a good relationship for your child with their grandma as they grow up.

If you feel so positively about you MIL I think things will just flow naturally. My MIL is the best and because I get on with her so well she’s just naturally included in things and is a hugely important part of my DCs’ lives.

My mother was 600 miles away and we did not have a close relationship. MIL had their summer home an hour drive away. She was a GODSEND. I didn't have any idea how to care for a newborn. After nursing him (EBF) she would say "I can watch the baby. Go take a nap/shower". She cooked. She cleaned. She taught me so much. She stayed with us for a week and I hated to see her go. That baby is 35 now, MIL is gone, but she was so helpful, loving, kind and a real friend to me.

I just spent a lovely evening yesterday with my daughter in law and my new granddaughter. My son was out for the first time since the baby was born, she is now 3 months old
Both my son and daughter in law have included us in everything, and my husband and I are both so grateful for that.
I know my daughter in law is very close to her own mum, but she has been brilliant at keeping us in the loop. We are seeing them 1-2 times a week, because they ask us over, and we get daily photos from my son as well, so it is just lovely.
She is our first granddaughter and we are completely over the moon 😁