Is okay to ask for help from family if you are struggling with your own mental health?

[Hazelop]

I’m a single parent working full time, my child is a teenager, I have very little support in who can help (if my child needed looking after). I’m also a person who wouldn’t ask for help unless absolutely necessary, hence why I’m now asking for help. My child has additional needs and with these needs the behaviours can be extremely challenging, there are services involved to try and support with managing my child’s behaviours. The only support I have is my own mother. My mental health has been really affected the last couple of years with me trying to keep sane by working, keeping my home (and child’s home), daily life, by trying to get the right support for my child and also by dealing with the difficulties around this (due to the behaviours and services not being able to engage with my child) and the impacts of it all and with the difficult behaviours my child presents with. It’s mentally,emotionally and physically exhausting. I’m constantly trying to keep my head up and trying my best to deal with everything so my child’s behaviour doesn’t affect others (including my mother). My mental health is impacted due to the challenging behaviours of my child and with me now struggling to deal with it, there isn’t any other factors affecting my mental health (I don’t drink, smoke, take drugs) I’m otherwise fit and healthy.
I have a small family, as I said earlier I only have my mother who helps and which I’m extremely grateful for, she also struggles with my child, I also feel really guilty for needing the help but only asking for help as I feel I can’t cope. Am I being unreasonable? Is it unreasonable for GP to help as I’m struggling?
Please be kind in your replies.

It is not unreasonable to ask foe help.
What kind of help will benefit you? It's important to bear in mind your mother may not be able to provide this help

Due to some of the behaviours, the services will ask my mother to care for my child to give me some respite and to help my child. This isn’t long term, it’s to try and manage the behaviours and to stop escalation.

My mother says she doesn’t want to, it’s not her responsibility. Which I completely understand but do not know what else I can do.

You can ask for a carers assessment and an assessment of needs for your child to see if they would qualify for a PA or respite hours. These would be day centers or even overnight care, PA is sought from people you know ( over 18 ) like his schooling or from Agency workers that would give you some time by yourself.
It isn't quick or easy but when family can no longer help you this is the next avenue.

How do I do that? Child has SEMH behaviours and diagnosed conditions, does it cover for those? What’s a PA?
thank you.

You need proper respite not family.

When I have asked before for it, the services said no but I don’t believe I’ve completed a carers assessment as mentioned in replies.

I have no experience to offer but my first thought is that social services will probably try to pass responsibility to family members before they cough up for the specialist care that is needed. I would push for them to sort out a respite centre or a helper of some kind (who is actually paid for their time and care of your son).

How old is your mum, OP? In general, being able to ask for help is what family is all about, but theres a difference between lending a helping hand and a challenging responsibility without a clear end. Depending on her age, health and situation, your mum may not have the energy to deal with his behaviour.

That’s what I’m told, family members first and they will not offer anything else if that’s not available. OP is 70.

It's OK to ask and it's OK for them to say no.

I’m sorry, @Hazelop - at age 70 I’m not sure how much I’d be up for helping with a grandchild with “extremely challenging” behaviour, as you describe it. I’m mid fifties now and my energy and resilience has dropped of a cliff with menopause.

It’s okay to ask for help. It’s also okay for your mum to say no.

Parents and carers of children with additional needs get bugger all support from the state B and it’s a disgrace. It’s exhausting and it drains the life out of you. I really do empathise.

I know @BeaAndBen honestly I don’t know how I keep going, or what i’m meant to do. I didn’t put my child there I said she couldn’t and wouldn’t help and I know it’s difficult. My child has been behaving better there recently but my OP doesn’t want to be dealing with the situation full stop. I don’t know what I’m meant to do If I fully crack up and I’m really trying to keep myself grounded and look after my own mental health aswell my child’s and also thinking of my OP. I feel I’m constantly trapped if that makes sense

@BeaAndBen I’ve repeatedly asked the services to help, but seems there’s isn’t any service to help in between CAHMs and Social Services :,(

@Hazelop call social services and explain the situation. If you don't get the respite they will be forced to step in if you become too unwell to care for your DC.

Have you also looked at some charities that may be able to help?

@Truetoself they are involved they’ve been involved for a while, not sure what charities there are to help. It’s social services who have said my child has to stay with me and there’s no other option

You are not unreasonable to ask for help, but family are also able to say no if they don't think they can help. I'm sorry this situation sounds so hard.

It's hard to advise without knowing your child's condition. Have you asked for social services for a carers assessment? You can give your local council a call and request one. Tell them they'll need to find alternative respite as your mum is 70 years old and can't cope anymore

@lala66 I’ve not heard or been told about a carers assessment. I will ask social worker about it tomorrow thank you