Kids being treated differently

[Annah1998]

my ex has kids from past relationship as do I. We also have a 22 month old boy.

since he has been born I have noticed some differences in how he and his mum treats his kids compared to our son.

He is always willing to have his kids when ever the mum clicks her fingers and books holidays off with them. However in the weeks he books off he refuses to have our son but doesn't book any other weeks off to have him. If I ask him to have him he does but he says I am bagging our son off on him. He has said this a number of times during arguments. He has also made comments saying his time with his kids is more precious than his time with our son.
He has booked off Thursday and Friday this week and his having his kids both days and our son just on the Thursday. I was meant to be going out with them with his mum. However they discussed with them selves that they are going swimming. I myself can’t go swimming as I have a skin condition which makes my skin burn in water and my son will be bored after ten mins and want to run around. He is not willing the change plans so he is no longer having his son Thursdays and is going out with just his kids and his mum. He doesn't see why I am hurt by this. They could go swimming on Friday when we are not there but he won’t change it ( nothing booked either ).

I never feel my son is included and as special. There has been family parties that my son has been invited to and then my ex’s kids can’t go last minute so he says he can’t go without them so dosent take our son. But he will take his kids if our son doesn’t go.

i feel like he is being wedged out of the family when his other kids are there. His mum favourites the other two over
him for example the other day she was walking along
Holding my sons hand and she saw
his two and dropped Our sons hand and walked off and left him for the other two Another example when we went on holiday when we were together she brought his kids
new clothes
to go away in but nothing for our son. Her house has tons of pictures of them but none of our son.

I have tried having words but he says it’s in my head.

am I overreacting ?

They are just conscious of how difficult it is to be a child in a blended family when your dad is living with other children and has a new one of his own. They’re worried about the older children feeling left behind, understandably, and don’t have the same worry for your younger son because he already lives with both his parents.

Your DH may just be slacking when it comes to things like buying holiday clothes for two instead of three though.

We aren’t together and the clothes were brought by the kids nanny ( also our sons nan )

The baby isn't even two and you're not with his father? What happened? Was this a planned pregnancy? Does ex pay maintenance? It sounds as though he resents the child.

Yes pays maintenance and I broke it off for this reason

Sorry, I missed that, even though it’s right there 🤦‍♀️

why did you spilt up over maintenance though?

No split up over how I can see he treats our son differently

Wow this is really mean.

Blended family or not, dropping a little toddler's hand as soon as you see your other grandchildren is horrible. You can love all of them without doing things like this.

My DH has 2 older children and there are some differences for sure- etc i notice he's a lot more proactive in planning things to do with them/planning their Christmas or birthday gifts than he is with our child - but I think that's more because he knows he has to do that himself whereas I will do it for our child 🙄 That annoys me, but he'd always want to include our child in days out and so would my SCs.

I am not surprised that you have split up with him treating your son this way, and his mother too, as your son grows he will notice it and it will hurt him.

Can I ask why you were going out with them Thursday if you're not together? Maybe you'd be better off going your ex set days when he has your son on his own and then he might need to factor him in more.

He has him everyone weekend but will happily change this unlike his weekends with his kids which he would
Never change. He asked me to come out with them for a day and said we would decide all together what to do. If it wasn’t for this we would get along great. He sees no issue in how he is behaving and no issues with how his mum is either.

If you are separated why are you going with him and his mum on a trip out? Why are you in her home?

I think the lines are blurred. If it’s his time don’t be there. Youre still being treated like his current partner and as if your shared child has the joy of both parents together so his prioritising the ones that are not with him.

I drop our son to hers on his weekends as that is where he always is.

Then just take a step back.

Drop your son. Bye. 👋 Don’t get sucked into doing trips together than you know are going to wind you up. Your being there means he gets to ignore his son because again son has mum and dad there, other kids only dad and so granny is helping.

Let him be the single parent to all three. Granny has pictures up, oh well I’m sure there are some of son somewhere, or maybe they haven been given by children’s mother. I know we had a faze where add on Christmas gifts where a new yearly framed photo to the grandparents.

Also are the other children girls? Not an excuse but wondering if there is some daddies little princess type stuff going on? And the age difference? Interesting tweens vs toddler?

Again dad should treat all fairly but his being a bit shit and you personally can’t change him just how you react.

His kids are 6 and are a boy and girl. I have a 9 year old and 6 year old but never treat our son the way he is.

He sounds awful as does his mother. Who would deliberately treat a toddler in this way? It won't be long until your son notices how differently he is treated by his dad and his grandmother in comparison to his other two children.

I have said that he will notice soon. He has had to tell his mum off a few times in the past for treating our son differently but nothing has changed and he is
now like it as well.

Just leave it girl, and focus on making your family perfect

You've got 3 kids and that is a lovely family unit for your youngest. Forget about this man and his various whims, it just doesn't matter

I'd set up a set schedule of where he is going to be and who he will be with, and just focus on sticking to that

The more you engage and argue, the messier and stressful things will be x

Unfortunately you can't make him be a good dad to your son and you can't change his mother either. So let it go. It is what it is. What you can do is make a good life for yourself and your son. Are your family close? Foster those family relationships with the people who love your son. Make good friendships and be each other's support network.

It’s amazing how mums manage to make time for all of their children from first and second relationships but dads find it so difficult.

Yes as pp said, you can make a good like yourself and your dc and I hope that’s what you do. But I would also remind your ex what a dreadful father he is being towards his youngest when he lets him/you down.
You can make a good life AND stick up for your son. Mums of first children aren’t told to just leave it.