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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most people just tolerate other peoples kids?

28 replies

Intodegtion · 17/02/2025 15:52

My friend is upset I’m not more enthusiastic about her child, she has a five year old and while she’s a nice little girl its just not my style to make a big fuss over kids and get up in their face looking for kisses and cuddles. I do buy them gifts, and talk to her when I see them and get down on the floor to play if she wants me to but I’m there to see my friend primarily and am enjoying the time I get with her alone if we get to nip out to the pub or a cafe for an hour or so, without her child.

My friend told me it makes her sad I’m not more loving and that I don’t make more of a fuss of her daughter, she’s also said she feels this way when other people and family members aren’t all excited about her child and that she feels disappointed in that.

Isn’t it the case that wee kids while cute are quite often kind of annoying or boring to everyone but their parents and other kids? I’m pretty sure my friend has also aired similar views about other peoples kids in the past as well before she became a mum.

OP posts:
Titsywoo · 17/02/2025 15:54

Pretty much! I would never expect my friends to play with my kids. Only grandparents care about your kids anywhere as much as you do.

Mnetcurious · 17/02/2025 15:55

Yanbu. Some people love being around kids, others don’t. I adore my own, I tolerate the rest!

Itisbetter · 17/02/2025 15:55

I liked other peoples children more when I was childless.

BooToYouHalloween · 17/02/2025 15:56

100%. I actually don’t enjoy seeing my friends when their kids - or mine - are around. And definitely have zero interest in playing with them.

Achyarms · 17/02/2025 15:56

My mum friends make a fuss of my kids and I do theirs. Non mum friends? No I have zero expectations of them to engage as it’s not necessarily their forte or interest

Fawn87 · 17/02/2025 15:57

I love my best friend's baby daughter, I often have her overnight. But other peoples' kids, no I'm not interested.

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 17/02/2025 15:59

Itisbetter · 17/02/2025 15:55

I liked other peoples children more when I was childless.

Same! Before I had kids playing with other people's was a fun novelty. Now it's the last thing I want to do.

Hoppinggreen · 17/02/2025 16:00

I barely even do that to be honest, I am not a fan of kids in general.
There ARE some I have met who I have enjoyed spending time with based on the fact that I like them as individuals though.
I do try and fake some enthusiasm for close friends/family kids but I wouldn't spend time with them unless asked to

BarkLife · 17/02/2025 16:02

My friends' kids interrupt our conversations all the time - and my friends let them! My kids know give the adults a wide berth if they're having coffee, unless it's an emergency.

One acquaintance actually said to me on a coffee date a few years ago: sorry I just need to spend 10 minutes speaking to my child because I've been speaking to you for 10 minutes Grin needless to say we didn't see them again after that.

I met with two friends the other day, and one of them brought her five year old. Said child proceeded to order her mum to sit on the floor while she sat on the sofa Hmm my friend just took it.

Mrsttcno1 · 17/02/2025 16:02

Maybe I’m the odd one out but I do love my friends kids, and they love my daughter.

We’re a close friendship group and we’re all very involved with each others children, it’s a lovely big extended family.

Original poster
Intodegtion · 17/02/2025 16:12

BarkLife · 17/02/2025 16:02

My friends' kids interrupt our conversations all the time - and my friends let them! My kids know give the adults a wide berth if they're having coffee, unless it's an emergency.

One acquaintance actually said to me on a coffee date a few years ago: sorry I just need to spend 10 minutes speaking to my child because I've been speaking to you for 10 minutes Grin needless to say we didn't see them again after that.

I met with two friends the other day, and one of them brought her five year old. Said child proceeded to order her mum to sit on the floor while she sat on the sofa Hmm my friend just took it.

Yeah this is it, my friend does this, she will be asking me something I’ll reply and the next thing she’s talking to her daughter who’s come up to tell her something random. Her daughter will act up if her mums attention is on anything other than her. While a parent does have to prioritise their child having your focus constantly on the child and giving in to strops and demands for attention just because your mum or dad is talking to another adult is probably just making a bit of a rod for your own back.

OP posts:
biscuitsandbooks · 17/02/2025 16:13

Yep. I have absolutely no interest in other people's children.

Dancingatthepinkponyclub · 17/02/2025 16:15

I have a son and whilst I am kind and chat to other kids, I am not touchy feely or the same as I am with my own! I am with my nephew as I feel closer to him and saw him come in to the world!

Feelinadequate23 · 17/02/2025 16:17

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 17/02/2025 15:59

Same! Before I had kids playing with other people's was a fun novelty. Now it's the last thing I want to do.

Show quote history

Same! People used to comment how kind I was making an effort to play with everyone else's kids, get them presents etc. But now I have my own I just have zero energy for anyone else's. I feel bad, as they're all good kids, but dealing with my own just takes up all my focus and headspace and I have none left for anyone else's!

I do really appreciate anyone who makes an effort with mine though, so I do try to fake it with others when I can.

Gymmum82 · 17/02/2025 16:17

I don’t even play with my own kids. Like fuck am I playing with anyone else’s. Also no I don’t want to hold your baby and no I don’t think your toddler is adorable

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 17/02/2025 16:18

I would much rather see my friends without the kids. Yanbu

Nothatgingerpirate · 17/02/2025 16:24

Well, obviously.
I never had kids and avoid them if I can, out of choice.

YoureLightning · 17/02/2025 16:25

My friends are really close to my children and always have been, and I’m close to theirs. One doesn’t have any children but she’s still close to all of our children. Our kids are like cousins really, some are best friends. Each to their own though.

BarkLife · 17/02/2025 16:25

Intodegtion · 17/02/2025 16:12

Yeah this is it, my friend does this, she will be asking me something I’ll reply and the next thing she’s talking to her daughter who’s come up to tell her something random. Her daughter will act up if her mums attention is on anything other than her. While a parent does have to prioritise their child having your focus constantly on the child and giving in to strops and demands for attention just because your mum or dad is talking to another adult is probably just making a bit of a rod for your own back.

Show quote history

She’s just teaching her daughter poor impulse control and bad manners. ‘Don’t interrupt’ is an important life lesson. Plus I want to be able to have uninterrupted conversation/coffee!

Honestly I wanted to shake my friend when she was sitting on the floor. Just say no FFS!

Differentstarts · 17/02/2025 16:26

Yanbu I find my own kids annoying I don't want to spend lots of time with other people's. I have certain friends who insist on bringing their kids everywhere with them and you just can't have a conversation

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 17/02/2025 16:32

@Intodegtion There are often threads where parents are quiet rightly annoyed because their friends without children totally ignore their kid, they literally pretend that they are not in the room. But you are talking to your friends child, playing on the floor with them and remembering to buy them a gift. So I really don't see what your friend has to complain about to be honest.

Pookypook · 17/02/2025 16:35

Oh lord no, YANBU at all! I can’t be doing with parents like this. I think my own kids are the most wonderful creatures ever to grace the planet but I have zero expectations that my friends feel anything more than mild tolerance towards them. I’d expect their grandparents to show a decent level of interest but beyond that I’m happy if my friends and other family members just say a polite hello to them. Some of my closer friends seem to genuinely care about them, which is lovely but not at all expected. Your friend sounds like very hard work!

BrownieBlondie01 · 17/02/2025 16:36

Before I had a child of my own, I did enjoy seeing friends with their babies, I did find it lovely to cuddle and play with a baby as it was such a novelty. I still do but now I've had my own I'd rather just catch up when we're both childfree for an hour so we can actually talk.

The worst I've found is when other parents only seem to want to make plans to see each other when the children are present. I have one friend who will literally say "oh sorry, I can't do that day, X is at nursery" and I'm like...so??? But she only wants to see me with the children, which is annoying because they're both toddlers so it's just basically us interacting with them the whole time, getting one to let the other have a turn/give something back, and not with eachother as much.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 17/02/2025 16:36

I would think a lot of people would consider it highly inappropriate for other adults to be in their dcs’ faces looking for kisses and cuddles!

PixiePonies · 17/02/2025 16:39

YANBU. I like my kids. I also love my niblings and will engage so long as they are polite. I have zero interest in anyone else’s kids. I don’t even particularly want to hold their babies now. The novelty wore off after I had my own…