What weight does an apology hold?

[nodramaplz]

I'd like to keep this brief.

I have several different circles of friends...
In two different circles people lied and treated me badly, I walked away, it seems when you cut access to yourself it makes the lies and backstabbing worse!
Any way, over time things became clear to the liars , others realised there were lies and there was a certain instigator ....

So, some time later, months in one group, 1.5 years in the other
Some of the people involved came back to me with apologies, in my head I'm thinking, you're still horrible, you had choices, you knew me and knew I wasn't like that, but verbally I thanked them for their apology and for coming to me personally with it!

Ideally, what weight did that apology hold, I don't feel better for it, it still happened!
I think the way to fix it, is to undo what you done! Go back to the people You told the lies to and tell them you lied!

What way do u think u wud feel??

Here's the thing. I'm on my own.

I was bullied and treated badly. I wouldn't accept apologies from those who did that to me.

In my mind, if someone makes a mistake and apologise, you should accept, we all make mistakes

But if someone bullies you, makes your life hell and deliberately tries to hurt you and isolate you - then they don't get to fucking apologise a little while later

In my mind the apology would be for show. If they truly cared for me, they wouldn't have behaved that way in the first place

I'm not offering advice here as I'm starting from scratch myself but that's my thinking, good or bad xx

@mumofoneAlonebutokay
I understand.
I'm likely to bump into these people. I feel it would be easier, for me to be in speaking terms.

Out of the two different circles the realisation is real to them now.

I just feel like the damage is done, I'll forgive you, I won't forget what you done and I've put you in the box you belong! You won't get the chance again!

The other part it's opened up is, there are some people who played pass it on and it got back to a dear friend, who when we once had a disagreement, threw it in my face, now I feel annoyed at them cause they believed it!

So there's so much now going through my head!

Talk is cheap

I think it depends on whether or not you can accept the apology and how sincere it was given. And then what actions follow next. Have they learnt something, are they going to do things differently in future?

I think there's how much weight an apology holds for you as the receiver - I don't think this is really a lot given that you only know it's genuine if the behaviour is not repeated and accountability is taken which takes time. And there is weight it holds for the giver of the apology. How much they mean it and how transformative it is in how they're going to go about their business in future which is quite a lot potentially.

Ultimately its up to you how you choose to receive it and what you want to do going forward. I don't believe there's any requirement to accept an apology.

I think apologies are meaningful, so long as they're true and not just a "my mum told me to say sorry so I will but I still want to be mean to you" sort of apology! If you know what I mean.

Saying "sorry I was wrong" is a powerful social tool, it indicates you'd like to build a friendship or relationship back again. You made a mistake and regret it, and have empathy for the person who was hurt at the time. Often it's too late, the damage has been done, but at least the hurt person can feel slightly vindicated which is a little better than before.

Thank you guys x