To think that ‘live your truth’ is just an excuse for selfish behaviour?

[ThatPoisedNewt]

People use ‘living their truth’ to justify all kinds of bad decisions - cheating, cutting off family, quitting jobs with no plan. Isn’t it just rebranded self-indulgence?

Well, cheating is awful - if you're using that as an excuse to cheat rather than 'living your truth' and splitting up with the partner you clearly don't want to be with, that's wrong.

But nothing wrong with cutting off family if they're a negative/toxic influence, or quitting your job with no plan as long as you have decent savings and a work ethic.

cutting off family and leaving a job might be good decisions, all depends on your perspective.

It's utter Bullshit, is what it is.

I haven't cheated, I have walked Away from family after years of abuse and I have left jobs that have turned toxic or negatively impacted my family eg 35 hours a week turning into 70 hour nights therefore not seeing my family it has impacted us financially but only in the way that we don't have as much disposable income. I think my husband and kids have preferred a few less days/meals out than never seeing me . It all depends on people's personal circumstances, it's not selfish to want better for yourself and your family.

I'd do it. The secret to happiness is doing what you want and not caring what other people think. I often watch people jumping through imaginary or socially imposed hoops for literally years being utterly miserable and think they are doormats. I don't think they are noble or good, I think they are mugs.

But you know, do what you can live with. If it something doesn't sit well with you then crack on doing what you believe you are morally obligated to do at the detriment to your own well being for fear of scary words like 'selfish'

Cutting off people who are "negative" to be around is sometimes simply taking the easy, selfish option. Avoiding the opportunity to learn and grow. Sometimes.

Lots of previously helpful advice has been distorted to promote selfishness. For example, ‘putting yourself first’ used to be advice for chronic people pleasers who completely lacked a sense of self. Now individuals who have no problem putting themselves first use this saying as a shield and assert it’s all in the name of self care/self love, whilst treating others terribly/making poor decisions.

'Live your truth' doesn't mean cheating is ok it means the opposite. No secrets and lies, live how you want to live, truthfully and openly.

Truth is subjective. I have a relative currently “living her truth”. What that means for her, in reality, is blaming everyone else for everything wrong in her life, taking no responsibility for her own actions (she’s 45!) and generally being a massive victim
It is awful to watch because she has literally alienated everyone around her.
I absolutely think boundaries are important but you also need self awareness…..

If "living my truth" means biting the heads off chickens and writing "fuck off you cunt" on my neighbour's car, is that ok?

It's all part and parcel of the 21c mind set that what I want is ok, what you want is selfish mean and entitled, and what they want is oppressive and bigotted.

But you can't do that. Unless you live to the wilderness, we all live in a society with other people just as important as us. It's absurd to think each person lives freely "doing their thing"

The three examples you have chosen - one is very different from the other two.

Why should people always stay in touch with people even if they are genuinely unpleasant/unhealthy to be around?

Why should people stay in jobs that are making them unhappy?

It's one of those irregular verbs, isn't it? I live my truth, you're being a bit selfish, he/she is a complete narcissist

But each person can do their thing so long as they do not harm others - so I could leave my job tomorrow if I wish, it is not any business of anyone else's. And if someone was an unhealthy presence in my life, I could stop seeing them.

These are legitimate choices to make.

Not necessarily, I haven't ever used the phrase but if I was going to them yeah, my mums truth is all of her children made up stories of neglect and abuse and now she's all alone. My truth is she's an evil delusion bitch who enjoyed bullying her children. I wouldn't call cutting her off a bad decision, it's improved my life and my family life.

In some cases it’s plain wrong for someone to live their truth, because it’s not truth in any sense of the word, and by perpetuating something that is not true it inevitably hurts someone.

Wouldn’t trust anyone who said ‘live your truth’ 🤢

Well I mean if you living your life openly and honestly in a way that makes you happy hurts other people then I don't know what to say. I don't think unscrupulous people need any encouragement to do that. Bad people gonna be bad, by definition they don't care about other people.
Like I said it's about being honest too, therefore doesn't include cheating, lying etc.

Cutting off toxic relatives or leaving a job that is affecting your mental health are not bad decisions.

'Living your truth' sounds cringe-worthy.

But there is nothing selfish about not allowing other people or society to dictate how you live your life as long as you stay within the law.

The secret of happiness is to practice gratitude and spend more time thinking of others than you do yourself. Ask what can you do not what can the world do for you. Too much thinking what you want just leads people to become grabby and unpleasant and ultimately bitter and unhappy.

Yes this. People have learned the phrases and now apply them in all the wrong context.

The secret of happiness is to practice gratitude and spend more time thinking of others than you do yourself.

I don't mind a bit of gratitude, but I certainly see no gain in spending more time thinking of others than myself. Why should I? I care about others but I also make sure my own needs are met and I do reflect daily on whether I believe I'm getting what I want from life. That definitely doesn't involve me not caring about others, far from it, it makes me a happy person who is better to be around than a misery guts.

I genuinely think that about 80% of the posts about problems on Mn would be solved if people genuinely thought ‘Does this work for me?’ and stopped doing things they think they’re supposed to do when they don’t in fact want to do them, and then resenting it when other people don’t behave according to the same rules back. So, no, I think an ethical self-prioritisation is a good yh8ng, especially for women. What constitutes ‘selfishness’ is so gendered.

Then how come my life is fabulous? lol

I think that’s perfectly fair. (Unless, obviously, you think other people should be giving you what you want from life.)