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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Unwell and knackered!

12 replies

daisydotss · 16/02/2025 19:19

Currently 10 weeks pregnant with a 15 month old DD. I’ve been unwell since Wed and DD picked it up yesterday and is absolutely miserable. She’s doing better than me, I currently have a 39.5 temp and feel absolutely exhausted and I am randomly vomiting throughout the day.

H was out today at a sports hospitality event and came home at 5.30 drunk, couldn’t string a text message together, slurring his words and absolutely stinking of alcohol which means he’s zero help to either of us. AIBU to be pissed off? He was out on Monday at a similar event, coming home at 11.30 drunk so not as if it’s been a while, and has worked late every night this week.

I don’t know if my judgement is clouded because I’m still battling first trimester fatigue, an illness, an unwell DD and just completely exhausted. We had an argument, with me asking why he couldn’t have came home at a reasonable level of drunk to be able to help. He’s called a taxi and has went to the pub calling me controlling and unreasonable.

OP posts:
Springadorable · 16/02/2025 19:30

No, you're not being unreasonable if you had a temp like that this morning. Trickier if you didn't feel so bad this morning and he went with a green light as if he was going for fun and you were that sick I think he probably should've skipped it as that's a very high temp. No chance you've got mastitis?

Original poster
daisydotss · 16/02/2025 19:33

Springadorable · 16/02/2025 19:30

No, you're not being unreasonable if you had a temp like that this morning. Trickier if you didn't feel so bad this morning and he went with a green light as if he was going for fun and you were that sick I think he probably should've skipped it as that's a very high temp. No chance you've got mastitis?

He left saying I know you're struggling just now, I won't be home late etc. so knew I wasn't great when he left. My temps been rising since yesterday, this morning before he left was 38.6. So it has risen again throughout the day.

Unfortunately no longer breastfeeding but an awful stabbing pain under my left rib coupled with the cold (which DD is floored with). Anytime I eat I'm bringing the food back up a few hours later so struggling with energy too.

This week has honestly been the longest!

OP posts:
Sunnydiary · 16/02/2025 19:36

I would be locking him out if I could. What a selfish inconsiderate Wankbadger.

Springadorable · 16/02/2025 19:36

I think that's pretty shit then. He's let you down there. Keep an eye on your temp - it may well spike overnight as your cortisol levels will be low which usually suppress it during the day. Hope you feel better soon x

WickWood · 16/02/2025 19:36

I'm so sorry, I'd be absolutely fuming! I can't believe he's gone back out and called you controlling, how ridiculous. I'm guessing this is his usual behaviour? X

DoorToNowhere · 16/02/2025 19:37

No, this is absolutely not on. He needs to start acting like a responsible husband and father, not some lousy teenager. Tell him to get his act together. There's no need for him to get drunk in any way at all when his wife and child are unwell. Ridiculous excuse for a man.

JulietSierra · 16/02/2025 19:42

Obviously YANBU but the pain under the ribs is something you need to get checked out (just recently had the same which turned out to be pneumonia) especially with the raging temperature.
Please get to the gp tomorrow if you’re no better.

Original poster
daisydotss · 16/02/2025 19:45

He's at this kind of event every two weeks so it's not once in a blue moon opportunity if you get what I mean.

I'm completely done with him tonight tbh. It got to a point after these type of things he would go out after and he was coming home and falling asleep on the landing being completely out of it, sick etc. for the past few months he's came straight home but tonight I really needed him to come home semi sober to be able to help. I wouldn't have trusted leaving him with DD the state he was in.

I feel tonight it's me doing all the sacrifice and him living exactly how he wants.

OP posts:
Original poster
daisydotss · 16/02/2025 19:46

JulietSierra · 16/02/2025 19:42

Obviously YANBU but the pain under the ribs is something you need to get checked out (just recently had the same which turned out to be pneumonia) especially with the raging temperature.
Please get to the gp tomorrow if you’re no better.

Thank you. This was the plan. Knew I'd be possibly sent to maternity triage over the weekend and knew I'd be there for hours.

OP posts:
DoorToNowhere · 16/02/2025 19:50

I hope you feel better soon op, and your daughter. But you really need to up your expectations. Coming home semi sober wouldn't be anywhere near acceptable or caring enough when his pregnant wife and child are ill. You both deserve far better.

JulietSierra · 16/02/2025 19:51

@daisydotss Let us know what the doctor says tomorrow. Get well soon.

Cantbebotheredwithausername · 16/02/2025 20:48

Your DH shouldn't have gone out at all. If you're pregnant, ill and struggling, he should've stayed home if at all possible (if it's a social event he should've cancelled) or come straight home as fast as possible if he couldn't cancel (if it's a work-related event). You don't leave your wife pregnant, running a fever and exhausted to look after a toddler at home!

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