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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums gossiping about dd

39 replies

Extraordinarilyexciting · 16/02/2025 19:15

Was shown messages from a group chat of a few parents from dds dance school. Dd is new to this class.

The messages basically said that dd takes it too seriously, probably has an eating disorder (she doesn’t) and seems distracted most of the time. I am friends with the mum who showed me (in person I don’t have proof of the messages on me) has said that she doesn’t want to get anyone in trouble and that the messages were probably from a place of concern so has asked me not to do anything with it, promising she will discourage them and let me know if anything else is said about dd.

AIBU to want to report this to teachers or at least confront the parents? Even if it means betraying my friend or would you just leave it?

OP posts:
Graniteisaverygoodsurface · 16/02/2025 20:17

Imagine having nothing better to do that bitching about an actual child at an activity club. Dance mums are the worse. Rise above it.

I went through a super skinny phase as a child when I was shooting up and it’s really obvious in the dance photos because of the costumes and the tights. Honestly. Sounds like your daughter has landed on the scene and raised the bar (barre?).

arcticpandas · 16/02/2025 20:18

Wow. Really hard to tell if someone has an eating disorder at 10 years old. Some of them are so skinny but eat very well. And anyway it wasn't of concern they were talking, they were bitching about a 10 year old. And why did that mum show you the messages ? I would never hurt someone like that. She's shitstirring instead of telling people to stop making negative comments about a little girl.

If I were you I would avoid her as well. She didn't show you any message where she stood up for you I suppose? Because she's probably bitching as well. Can't believe mothers can act so cruelly.

But get used to it. Your daughter is beautiful and have talent so all immature "small" people will have things to say. Rise above it. Find normal people to hang with. And talk to your daughter about how some people can be mean because they're jealous without teling her about the mums ofcourse. But she needs to be prepared for when the daughters start repeating whatever they have heard at home. And if anyone says anything to her then talk to the teacher.

Neurotoxic · 16/02/2025 20:18

Adults who get together and gossip about children are a new level of saddo.

Graniteisaverygoodsurface · 16/02/2025 20:20

If I did anything at all I might go up to the mums, or the main perpetrator, and sweetly say, “hey, I heard theirs a dance mums WhatsApp group, would it be ok to join?” With just enough mock innocence and doe eyes to make them slightly flustered.

McGregor33 · 16/02/2025 20:26

I’d approach it with both the parents and the dance teacher. I know with certainty that our dance teacher would not accept this.

My 12 year old looks very thin, she’s actually a healthy weight for her age/size etc. We get comments on how thin she is and asked if she’s a fussy eater etc… then at dance competitions they can see the amount of food she actually eats and the comments of I wish I could eat that much and be thin start ☠️ it’s almost like they don’t realise how active dance can make kids 😂

WillIEverBeOk · 16/02/2025 20:38

takes it too seriously but

seems distracted most of the time

These contradict each other. If she took it too seriously she wouldn't be distracted, would she? So it seems like those gossipy mothers are just jealous that your daughter is doing well and getting parts.

IntermittentStream · 16/02/2025 20:56

I wouldn’t give it another thought.

BreezyScroller · 16/02/2025 21:01

I wouldn't report to the teachers, what do you want them to do?

Sounds like jealousy, if the new girl is "taking it too seriously", seems to mean that she's better?

BoredZelda · 16/02/2025 21:03

Why did she show you if she didn't want you to do anything about it?

willowbrookmanor · 16/02/2025 21:07

A friend or a decent person would have messaged the group telling them to STFU or said nothing and disengaged.

I say to my children, if you pass on negative, unkind, rude opinions to others knowing it will cause them upset you are a shit stirrer and a wanker.

pileduphigh · 16/02/2025 21:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

TheBigFatMermaid · 16/02/2025 21:48

Although this is clearly nasty, I'm afraid I couldn't take anyone like this seriously for 2 reasons.

Reason number 1, they contradict themselves, saying your DD takes it too seriously AND is distracted! It really can't be both, so must be neither!

Reason number 2,commenting on a CHILDS body!! That really is beyond contempt! If there was genuine concern, it should be raised with you (or the teacher if not able to approach you) with concerns and reasons for them.

Give this no more thought.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 16/02/2025 22:10

Horrible witches. Sorry this has happened OP. I agree with a previous poster, what is the 'friend' hoping to achieve here? She should have had the guts to call it out with them and nip it in the bud. There was no need to involve you at all. Just ignore it for now and if 'friend' comes back to you with more then ask her if she has stuck up for your daughter. She likely doesn't want to fall out with the popular crowd which is sad if that is the case. I hate these kind of sheep people.

Hankunamatata · 16/02/2025 22:35

Dance mums - your fun has just started

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