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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'I Know Why Dad Doesn't Come To See Me

2 replies

summersooner · 16/02/2025 16:48

...Because he doesn't like me anymore.'
Is what my ten year old son said to me.
'That's not quite right' I replied but what the fuck am I supposed to say?
Because he's a deadbeat?
Because he's a lazy prick?
Because he can't be arsed?
Because he's selfish?
Because society has given lazy pricks the OK to just abandon their children.
Back story, married for 20 years, separated about four years ago, divorced a year.
No financial help (ex fil says he won't work to avoid paying maintenance), haven't had contact since June.
My poor boy keeps switching between begging me to put up 'lost' posters to asking for another dad.
I told him his dad is not lost (ex bil keeps in contact with him).
Aibu to ask you to help me word a response to my son?
He has learning difficulties also.

OP posts:
Theresacatinmykitchenwhatamigonnado · 16/02/2025 16:54

Be as honest as you can without being totally damning.
"Sometimes grown ups don't behave very well and at the moment daddy is making some really poor choices. He does like you - he loves you very much - but he is not being a good dad right now and it's ok to be cross about that."
Don't cover his arse or lie for him, but you also can't let your child think it's his fault.
My xh is also a dick of similar proportions. I was as clear as I could be to DD that he was a dick without ever slagging him off or using inappropriate terms to describe him.

summersooner · 16/02/2025 16:56

Thank you for this, it is just the sort of help I'm looking for.
It's heartbreaking and infuriating in equal measure.

OP posts:
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