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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen do dilemma

32 replies

HEIHEI23 · 16/02/2025 10:07

Completely prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable here 😂
Been invited to cousin's hen do in summer. £200 for one night in spa plus cost of dinner.
For context, she was my bridesmaid but I've not been asked to be hers and she's also not having our baby (her nephew) as anything despite having other children involved. She came to my hen do. this was the same price but for three nights and included all food/drink, afternoon tea, cocktail making and kayaking. This was also a year in advance rather than 4 months.
I'm reluctant to pay for the following reasons:

  1. I'm on maternity and we've just had to buy a new car due to the old one breaking so money is tight.
  2. all of the people I would normally leave the baby with are going on the hen do so he would have to stay with a grandad. They're both capable but never had him on their own before.
  3. I feel it's a lot of money just for one night!
  4. if I'm honest, I'm hurt that she's not asked me to be part of her wedding although I'm aware I'm probably being petty.

So am I being unreasonable and should just suck it up? I love my cousin to pieces and do feel like I'm probably just reluctant as I'm hurt but also practically it's not great. I would love a spa trip though 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
HEIHEI23 · 16/02/2025 10:44

Like I've said before, I do love my cousin to pieces and completely prepared to be told I am being unreasonable. I would regret it if I didn't go so you're right! She's amazing and was a great bridesmaid so I'm definitely just being a grouch. I blame sleep deprivation and hormones 🙈 I would delete this post now as I've definitely learned my lesson that I'm in the wrong but not sure how to do that 😂

OP posts:
TMGM · 16/02/2025 12:36

YANBU at all to not want to pay the money as it is a lot, or being apart from your baby if you don’t want to, but I don’t think you should overthink not being invited to be part of the wedding party, it’s not worth getting stressed over.

Nothinglikeagoodbook · 16/02/2025 12:44

JaneFoe · 16/02/2025 10:24

@EnjoyingTheSilence @Hoppinggreen @Purpleturtle46 It's very common to refer to your first cousin's children as niece or nephew. Just like you would siblings.

Who goes around saying my first cousin once removed when referring to their cousin's child?

@HEIHEI23 £250 for a hen do is ridiculous. Spa night is something only bridal party would normally do, maybe add bride & groom's mothers. Your baby is very young if you're on maternity and it's perfectly normal to not want to leave him overnight.

I have never, ever, come across anyone referring to a first cousin's child as their niece/nephew. Those words have specific meanings. I would just say "a cousin" or "my cousin's son" etc.

JHound · 16/02/2025 12:46

It sounds like 1-3 are just BS and the real reason you don’t want to go is number 4.

RampantIvy · 16/02/2025 17:21

Nothinglikeagoodbook · 16/02/2025 12:44

I have never, ever, come across anyone referring to a first cousin's child as their niece/nephew. Those words have specific meanings. I would just say "a cousin" or "my cousin's son" etc.

Edited
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Every day is a school day

JaneFoe · 17/02/2025 00:59

Nothinglikeagoodbook · 16/02/2025 12:44

I have never, ever, come across anyone referring to a first cousin's child as their niece/nephew. Those words have specific meanings. I would just say "a cousin" or "my cousin's son" etc.

Edited
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Well it's very common here

Nothinglikeagoodbook · 17/02/2025 08:42

JaneFoe · 17/02/2025 00:59

Well it's very common here

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Where is "here"?

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