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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave partner

7 replies

meyamo · 16/02/2025 00:24

I have been very unhappy with "partner" for years now.

We share a DC together but the relationship itself is very bad and toxic.

We are clearly not right for each other and I am utterly miserable and so is he.

He does as he pleases, provides little care for DC and is very verbally abusive and very selfish in general.
He is out most weekends.

All he does is explain how I should cook, clean and give him sex but I am exhausted from looking after DC, he does very very little I do all the childcare.

The house is mine and I support myself and he does give money for DC but it's not really enough.

He hates my voice as it's "too deep" and it makes me very self conscious and he is always putting me down, I have zero confidence.

He said yesterday that he should have had a child with someone he was in love with but he loves me.

I don't even think he loves me as all he is picks rows and puts me down and he openly speaks of moving on and meeting someone else just like I think about it every day myself how it would be to be in love and happy.

Before I got pregnant with DC I did kind of meet someone who I could totally see myself falling in love with, I think of him every single day.
I found out I was pregnant after I had left soon to be ex.

It's been 2 years since we have spoken or saw each other.
He was so lovely and sweet and sometimes I just feel like reaching out but I am scared as soon to be ex says that he will take DC away if I meet someone else.

My DC is my first priority but I don't want to be alone forever and miss out.

AIBU?
I'm telling him tomorrow that it is truly over and to contact me via email to arrange access for DC but I don't want any more communication and for him to take his stuff.

OP posts:
TheFoz · 16/02/2025 01:03

Stop thinking about this other guy. End this shit toxic relationship, get advice regarding access and maintenance and get counselling. Also GET COUNSELLING. I can’t repeat that loudly enough. This piece of shit has worn you down, you need time to rebuild your confidence and self esteem. Forget about meeting anyone else for the next year at least and focus on you.

Weenurse · 16/02/2025 01:13

Get out of your current relationship and get yourself and DC settled and sorted.
Give yourself at least 12 months to settle into your new life.
It is okay to think about what might have been with other person, but not sensible to bring them into everything right now.
Good Luck

meyamo · 16/02/2025 01:15

@TheFoz

Thank you for your advice, I can access counselling with my workplace, and I was considering it as I really need to rebuild my confidence and self esteem.

I have tried to leave him many times and all he does is threaten me with court action over access to DC.

I will have to look and see how it all works as I just want minimum contact with him.

OP posts:
meyamo · 16/02/2025 01:19

@Weenurse Thank you.

OP posts:
Poppins21 · 16/02/2025 06:19

I agree forget the other man for now and concentrate on rebuilding yourself. Can you ensure someone is there with you when you ask him to leave your home? How old is your child? Good luck

typo I wrote endure not ensure

Justsayit123 · 16/02/2025 06:21

Good for you! Good luck and stay strong. You’ve got a better life ahead of you.

FarmGirl78 · 16/02/2025 06:28

This oaf of a man does very little to help with childcare. He clearly wouldn't want to, or couldn't cope with being a full time parent, let alone 50:50 so he's just using threats of court action as a tactic to crush you into staying with him. It's just threats.

I think only once you're free will you start to realise just how controlling and abusive your situation is.

Turf him out and enjoy turning the key in the lock behind him.

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