Didn’t think I would be disappointed at Valentines but I am

[MuffinSpencer]

We don’t usually make a huge deal over Valentines but DH and I have both been working a lot, both having a few very stressful weeks.

I told DH I was going to make an effort to have a nice evening last night. Get the kids in bed early, make a nice dinner (and actually eat together which hardly ever happens). I ordered him a little present, nothing fancy but a couple of bits he needs like new sunglasses. I had the day off so cleaned the house from top to bottom too.

He knew this, and instead went to the pub with my dad. When he finally got home he decided he was going to cook himself something different and ate it standing at the kitchen counter. He did bring a card for me, in a carrier bag as he’d obviously grabbed it last minute in the way back. I was hoping we’d watch a film we’ve been hoping to watch for a while but he just buggered off to bed.

I’m not asking for the world but a bunch of flowers would have at least been nice ☹️ all I wanted was to watch a film together and actually have a meal at the dinner table.

I feel silly for even being bothered about it when we normally don’t make a big deal of it but he knew I wanted a nice evening.

My BIL calls it "earache" from women. He doesn't take it on board, he just hopes it stops soon. I don't speak to him, but his perspective is useful!

@MuffinSpencer
It sounds as if he takes you completely for granted and actually doesn't really care for you any more.

I'd ask him what exactly was going through his mind when he decided to go out to the pub, knowing you had prepared the meal he said he'd like and thst the two of you had plans.

If he pushes back in 'you're giving me earache' fashion (i.e. completely disrespectful) I'd be taking a long, hard look at how exactly the relationship was enhancing my life.

Yanbu at all

I would find it hard to respect a man who puts my dad before me

These men couldn’t care less.

Id be very angry at both your H and your Dad.

What kind of father encourages his SIL to stand up his own daughter on Valentine's Day? He should have been telling him to go home to you.

Plus, your H sounds like he's got one foot out the door. You and the kids come way down the list of priorities, in fact you may not even feature on his list at all.

Does he have any redeeming qualities?

His behaviour screams a total lack for respect for you.

Have you spoken to him about it today? He needs to know you feel let down.

If you had that conversation and he agreed, then it's exceptionally rude of him to have gone to the pub and then come home and eaten something else. It's appears like a deliberate decision to spoil your day. Did he give any excuse or explanation?

We don't really bother with valentine's but I would be pretty angry if my OH agreed plans like this and then bailed to go to the pub, it's really disrespectful and dismissive of your efforts.

And you even got him what HE wanted for dinner. Really hurtful, I would completely ignore him until he excuses himself and makes it up to you.

I think this is perfect!

OP did you ask him wtf he thought he was playing at?

Seems his thoughts aren't with you... OW or just a dick?

Absolutely this!
And mean it. You definitely have some thinking to do by the sounds of it. You deserve better.

yes - it broke me. but I never ever blocked my DH at any stage and I dont now why