I just wanted a bit of help from DP

[findmeaunicorn]

So we have a 3yr old daughter, our only one. He had day off yesterday, I was at work, DD at nursery all day. Around 4pm at work I started feeling unwell, shivering with a fleece on in a well heated office - presumed I was just tired. Gradually felt worse. Basically I I was shivering, aching, temperature, exhausted when I got home. Asked DP to sort DD, you know supper, jamas, bedtime so I could go to bed. He did do it, but not without a fight...... he kept saying 'you'd have to do it if I wasn't here' and yes I'd have pushed through obviously.
But he was at home! I felt so ill, I slept 12hrs in my work uniform cos I felt too unwell to even get changed.
Luckily I feel a bit better today, bad back, and no energy but overall better - I think I was simply exhausted! He's gone to the gym then out with his mates.
AIBU to think he for once should have just got on with it and helped?
I know I'm not being unreasonable really...... I'm upset and it helps to vent!

Was he useless before you had your daughter?

‘helped’

Another useless waste-of-space man. Second I’ve read about on here this evening.

Honestly, just save yourself a world of pain and get rid. Far better for your DD to grow up without such a useless specimen of manhood in her life, far better for you not to grow increasingly resentful of someone who is meant to be your partner.

Id rather be a single parent than put up with that

You're showing your daughter you are not worth anything thus way but letting him get away with all this.

Please read or listen to this and then reassess.

https://www.fairplaylife.com/the-book

He’s utterly shit. So what if he pays for the shopping. And he doesn’t help around the house, it’s his house too! I assume he poos in the loo? So cleaning it is as much his responsibility as anyone’s.

For contrast, OP, right now I’m battling a nasty virus: flu or Covid. Shivering and aches like you, throwing up. DP is the breadwinner but I still have to work, albeit part-time. ALL WEEK he has done all school and nursery runs, so twice a day to different locations at different times, because I’m too ill. He’s coslept with the poorly toddler three nights in a row to help me sleep and recover. We each have our jobs – he’s bins, laundry, food shop among other things; I’m meal planner, school admin, tidying among other things. But the childcare is and always will be 50/50 because he’s a PARENT: bath, bed, dinner, snacks, reading some terrible board book 19 times in a row, getting them fitted for shoes, standing in bleak windswept playgrounds while the toddler looks at some mud. He does 50% of all that. That’s your baseline. Not “he pays for food”.

Sigh......... where to start...

Well - obviously nail down your contraception. You don't want to risk having another child with this useless $#@&#&$...

You earn less and are responsible for childcare? Does, this include paying for nursery? He pays for shopping. And what else? Are your contributions/expenditure proportional to your respective salaries? Are you on the deeds of the house?

And you are not married...... You may be in a potentially vulnerable position. Time to think of how this is going to work - or not! - long term.

I’ve got one of these DH’s, it’s ridiculous, of course he should just do it but I know from experience it’s not that easy. I’m pregnant with our third, after I’ve put both children to bed I’m shattered and the few occasions I’ve asked him to help do tea or put one of the kids to bed while I do tea it causes a massive drama. I get told I’m taking the piss because I’m pregnant, called names, told I do nothing ( I work part time but from home so according to him my jobs a joke). As you do, I do every single thing for the kids and most of the time I don’t mind but it really shouldn’t be such a big deal every time we ask for a little help if we’re ill or shattered.

Honestly sometimes I think it would just be easier to do it alone. I’d suggest having a proper talk about with him but I’ve done that several times…..they make all the right noises but don’t change.

I hope you feel better soon op.

I know you want her to have a father in her life but what benefit is one that models selfish, misogynistic, lazy behaviour and treats her mother with contempt?
The last thing a daughter needs is that kind of example of a father and man

I cannot fathom how women can stay with men like this. And even more how they go on to have more children. He's a piece of shit.

Jeez, if you're still having sex with this prince please please double bag it.

However I think you should go, be free, LTB... and she lived happily ever after without the man because there was no point to him 😊

I hope you find some time to think clearly about your future with/without this man op. He sounds less than useless.

I have this virus right now and last week had to attend a and e because I was so poorly. My husband took everything over while I was out. He then took over as much childcare and housework as he could physically manage while I began to to recover. My husband has a physical disability and our child is autistic and high needs. He gave 100% so that I could get some rest. These are the actions of a good man that cares about his wife. Your partner is a lazy , misogynistic twat.

When you feel better please consider leaving him.