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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would this upset / annoy you?

44 replies

Molly2008 · 15/02/2025 11:14

Context:

I got some new black jeans and my mum admired them and asked for the link to get some. Ordered a pair and the didn't fit. Then returned and ordered a different pair 3 x the price which I complemented her on. She said they were cheaper than mine in the sale end of. Few days later I get this:

I forgot to ask you before I send them back if you wanted to try the black jeans I ordered from reiss. It’s a size 10, but a little too big for me. They are exactly like the one I was wearing last Sunday

What would your reaction be?!

OP posts:

ManchesterLu · 15/02/2025 12:39

Molly2008 · 15/02/2025 11:22

Thanks all I think I'm being over sensitive we are quite clearly the same size or I am slightly slimmer.

Needed a head wobble

Oh my god. I'm sorry, but if this is all you have to worry about, you're doing bloody well.

zingally · 15/02/2025 13:14

Unless you're a size obviously much larger than a 10, and she's trying to body-shame you, I honestly can't see what the issue is?

There's a pair of jeans floating around, in a style you already own, so must like. I don't think it's unreasonable at all of your mum to offer them to you before sending them back.

What part of her message are you upset about, truly?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 15/02/2025 13:15

I genuinely can see nothing to be bothered about there, at all.

Thirteenblackcat · 15/02/2025 13:16

Just say you’ll try them but doubt they’ll fit as you are slimmer.

ItGhoul · 15/02/2025 13:22

I think you’re being desperately over-sensitive about this. She probably hasn’t even thought about the sizing. It’s just a pair of jeans.

KrisAkabusi · 15/02/2025 14:12

You're being oversensitive, but I can't see to what. I can't read her message as being anything other than an offer of a free pair of jeans.

INeedAnotherName · 15/02/2025 14:33

Molly2008 · 15/02/2025 11:22

Thanks all I think I'm being over sensitive we are quite clearly the same size or I am slightly slimmer.

Needed a head wobble

Just because you are the same size it doesn't automatically mean you are the same shape. She could have a bigger tum and you have a bigger bum - same size but the bigger bit is in a different area so the fit will be different depending on the fabric cut.

So yes, you do need to give your head a wobble and start actually thinking things through otherwise you are going to be permanently offended throughout life, and that is draining for everyone including yourself.

Take a deep breath and say thanks mum I'll try them on first just in case the cut is wrong.

Hankunamatata · 15/02/2025 14:36

Do you and your mum have some weird dress size competition going on?

JMSA · 15/02/2025 14:41

No, this wouldn't upset or annoy me in the least.

Justleaveitblankthen · 15/02/2025 23:06

I would have just laughed and said that if they are a bit big for you, they would drown me! 😁

MsPug · 15/02/2025 23:11

off to go through my dd WhatsApp and try to decide if I have unintentionally offended her 😂

Eldermilleniallyogii · 15/02/2025 23:14

You should know if she has form for making bitchy comments about your weight or thinks she's slimmer. If she doesn't then I'd assume she doesn't mean anything by it. Just reply "Thanks but if they're too big for you then they won't fit me either"

BlondiePortz · 15/02/2025 23:16

littlekipling · 15/02/2025 11:18

I'd think my mum wanted me to have some jeans that don't fit her but may fit me. She also might not be bothered to go through returns process and thought simpler if you just have them

This sums it up

Diningtableornot · 15/02/2025 23:17

You are a pair of slim ladies. Who cares if one of you is a centimetre slimmer than the other? I should think she was trying to do something nice for you, if she's offering them free; or trying to save herself the bother of returning them, if she's expecting you to pay her back.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 15/02/2025 23:21

I've read your OP three times and can't see what would be upsetting. Assuming she ordered more than one size and thinks the ones she needs to return might fit you?

xRobin · 15/02/2025 23:26

Molly2008 · 15/02/2025 11:22

Thanks all I think I'm being over sensitive we are quite clearly the same size or I am slightly slimmer.

Needed a head wobble

Was she maybe pre-warning you they might also be too big for you if they were too big for her but you’re welcome to try/keep them?

This would only come across as backhanded if she has a history of sly insults towards you.

mumyes · 15/02/2025 23:28

@Molly2008 only you know if your mother is being a cow or not!

Nowthesaidmother · 15/02/2025 23:33

You know your mother, is she likely to be making an insensitive, rude, mean comment about your size or weight? Because some mothers would and they do it passively aggressively, so it's hard to put your finger on.
Growing up with a passive aggressive parent can mean you doubt your own judgement because they never say what they mean, and they never mean what they're saying so ture constantly trying to read between the lines and work out the actual meaning of their words.

StormingNorman · 15/02/2025 23:38

All the pp who can’t imagine being offended are obviously lucky enough not to grow up with a mum like - competitive attractiveness, body shaming, weight shaming, competitive undereating.

OP - if your mum was one of these then tell her “If they’re big on you, I’m going to be swimming in them”. And don’t feel bad about it.

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