Daughter leaving abusive ex

bloomingbonkerz · 2025-02-15T09:50:08+00:00

My daughter has left the family home and taken her LO they’re having to sell the family home but he’s refusing to sign the papers he’s living there not paying the mortgage she’s currently paying and as always paid the other bills so there’s 4 months missed mortgage payments Upto now to be deducted on the final sale of the house which she feels should come off his share as do I but he’s saying unless she agrees via solicitor that the money after the sale is split 50/50 he won’t sign she is living with me along with my grandchild whom he hasn’t seen for 2 weeks not interested my question is can she push for him to sign as the buyers are desperate to be in or is she screwed and gonna lose everything?? As will just be repossessed due to missed mortgage payments

cherrytree12345 · 15/02/2025 11:38

If she goes through the Court, the Judge can sign in place of him if he is unreasonably withholding his signature ie making unfair demands. She needs to get legal advice otherwise she is liable to loose out especially as she has care of the child

BookArt55 · 15/02/2025 14:41

Get legal advice immediately. It costs money but is worth it. You may need to consider the amount it would take him to court vs how much she loses if she splits 50/50.

If he is being unreasonable about the house I would also suggest seeing a family law solicitor to get advice about child custody. He might not pay any interest now to their child, but once he loses the control over the house he may cause problems every now and then about the child.
I'd also suggest documenting everything with regards to the child. Date, time, evidence. Only communicate in writing. Screenshot every message so it can't be deleted later.

I have the unreasonable ex... it is so hard.

Hankunamatata · 15/02/2025 15:02

Get mortgage changed to interest only for short term until she can go to court

Endofyear · 15/02/2025 15:06

Your daughter needs to get legal advice asap. It might be better if she continues to pay the mortgage until the house is sold and then put in a claim for a bigger split in the final settlement?

Original poster

bloomingbonkerz · 15/02/2025 18:57

Thanks everyone it’s just a nightmare she basically felt unsafe living there the house was already up for sale and both agreed to it but now she is living with me he thinks he can just stay as long as he wishes until the house is removed so they’re both gonna end up with nothing its infuriating that he can just refuse this far in

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Original poster

bloomingbonkerz · 15/02/2025 18:58

Endofyear · 15/02/2025 15:06

Your daughter needs to get legal advice asap. It might be better if she continues to pay the mortgage until the house is sold and then put in a claim for a bigger split in the final settlement?

this was already done last year when everything became apparent on how much debt he had racked up

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Original poster

bloomingbonkerz · 15/02/2025 19:00

bloomingbonkerz · 15/02/2025 18:58

this was already done last year when everything became apparent on how much debt he had racked up

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Sorry that was meant for @Hankunamatata

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BookArt55 · 15/02/2025 19:48

Feel for her, same thing happened with me. 12.5 months ago there was a plan, valuations done, going on the market, all agreed. Me and the kids moved out because it wasn't safe to stay. 13months on... he is still in the house, we live with my mum
Thank God for mum's or I dread to think where we would be.

Original poster

bloomingbonkerz · 15/02/2025 20:30

BookArt55 · 15/02/2025 19:48

Feel for her, same thing happened with me. 12.5 months ago there was a plan, valuations done, going on the market, all agreed. Me and the kids moved out because it wasn't safe to stay. 13months on... he is still in the house, we live with my mum
Thank God for mum's or I dread to think where we would be.

Oh really that makes me worry why are some partners such dicks
he can’t afford to stay in the house he owes £1000s and she’s always paid everything except the mortgage but he doesn’t see it that way he wants to still continue to control and manipulate her hope you’re ok xx

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BookArt55 · 15/02/2025 22:16

bloomingbonkerz · 15/02/2025 20:30

Oh really that makes me worry why are some partners such dicks
he can’t afford to stay in the house he owes £1000s and she’s always paid everything except the mortgage but he doesn’t see it that way he wants to still continue to control and manipulate her hope you’re ok xx

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Yeh I don't understand, it has to be control. He knows she'll protect her credit rating by paying the mortgage, understandably, so will use it to his benefit. I've spent the last year and probably £15,000 in court over the kids. Now starting on the house, but can't afford it. Which is why weighing up the pros and cons may be in your daughter's favour. I'll end up spending a rather large chunk of my house money in legal fees. My ex won't do anything about the house, I can't get him to do anything, he just says he wants to buy me out but won't give me a number, won't negotiate either, and won't discuss the contents so I've come to terms with the idea I'll walk away with none of the contents... gutted and wish I'd played it differently when I left. Hindsight is a interesting thing!

If your daughter still has access to the house, and knows when the ex is out, rent a van and get round there and take 50%. Photograph everything or video the whole thing. Wishing your daughter all the luck to get this sorted asap.

Original poster

bloomingbonkerz · 16/02/2025 12:59

BookArt55 · 15/02/2025 22:16

Yeh I don't understand, it has to be control. He knows she'll protect her credit rating by paying the mortgage, understandably, so will use it to his benefit. I've spent the last year and probably £15,000 in court over the kids. Now starting on the house, but can't afford it. Which is why weighing up the pros and cons may be in your daughter's favour. I'll end up spending a rather large chunk of my house money in legal fees. My ex won't do anything about the house, I can't get him to do anything, he just says he wants to buy me out but won't give me a number, won't negotiate either, and won't discuss the contents so I've come to terms with the idea I'll walk away with none of the contents... gutted and wish I'd played it differently when I left. Hindsight is a interesting thing!

If your daughter still has access to the house, and knows when the ex is out, rent a van and get round there and take 50%. Photograph everything or video the whole thing. Wishing your daughter all the luck to get this sorted asap.

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Thank you she has been going and getting her stuff while he’s at work to be fair it’s mostly her stuff but the storage of it is a nightmare.

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