Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School trustee affair with pupil

45 replies

Silverbook55 · 15/02/2025 07:55

DC are at a private school which has already publicly stated they are in financial difficulties. As part of the school “restructure” some new trustees have been brought in the board. One of them is an ex teacher who ran the boarding house and had a relationship with a 6th year pupil.

For context- he was married at the time. The affair was discovered in Oct AFTER the pupil had technically left the school 2 months previously. I know this as my DH was friendly with him through a shared sports club, it was common knowledge in the town but never publicly addressed by the school. The teacher separated (now divorced) his wife and didn’t return to the school following the holidays but got a job at another private school.

This was about 15 years ago. I know have DC at his old school where he’s been invited back as a trustee to help restructure the school out of financial difficulties but I have a real issue with this given his past behaviour there which I don’t think reflects values a school should be upholding.

So- do I raise my issue with the school or not?
Any suggestions as how best to word any communication with them?

YABU- don’t do anything
YANBU- raise it

OP posts:
Completelyjo · 15/02/2025 07:58

it was common knowledge in the town but never publicly addressed by the school.

So you don’t actually know what is true and what isn’t. You’re making a lot of assumptions based of rumours from 15 years ago.

BlondiePortz · 15/02/2025 08:00

Raise it and say 'there was a rumour spread that this happened...' sounds a bit gossipy to be honest

millymollymoomoo · 15/02/2025 08:00

The issue is not that he was married. It’s that he had a relationship with a pupil and while they were over 16 it’s still wholly inappropriate as a teacher and person responsible for welfare of boarding pupils. You seem more outraged at cheating on the wife.

the problem will be factual evidence if nothing was raised at the time but it should still be raised

the only positive is that as a trustee he won’t be put in a position to be in sole presence of pupils but it does not raising as a safeguarding issue.

millymollymoomoo · 15/02/2025 08:02

And I agree there’s a difference between rumours /gossip vs fact - and that will be the challenge , but it should be raised

EmberAsh · 15/02/2025 08:02

Who are you in this? A parent, staff, a teacher, a governor. I guess my point is, do you have any regular contact with someone who you could raise it with informally.

Original poster
Silverbook55 · 15/02/2025 08:09

Completelyjo · 15/02/2025 07:58

it was common knowledge in the town but never publicly addressed by the school.

So you don’t actually know what is true and what isn’t. You’re making a lot of assumptions based of rumours from 15 years ago.

He openly spoke about it to DH. His ex wife also moved in with one of DH’s friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Silverbook55 · 15/02/2025 08:12

EmberAsh · 15/02/2025 08:02

Who are you in this? A parent, staff, a teacher, a governor. I guess my point is, do you have any regular contact with someone who you could raise it with informally.

A parent with DC at the school. A member of teaching staff mentioned it to me and I said I thought it was an unusual choice given the history. The response was a 😬 we know but he’s been brought on as his specialist area could help the school and enough time has passed we think people will have forgotten. To be fair most of the current parents weren’t parents then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Silverbook55 · 15/02/2025 08:14

millymollymoomoo · 15/02/2025 08:00

The issue is not that he was married. It’s that he had a relationship with a pupil and while they were over 16 it’s still wholly inappropriate as a teacher and person responsible for welfare of boarding pupils. You seem more outraged at cheating on the wife.

the problem will be factual evidence if nothing was raised at the time but it should still be raised

the only positive is that as a trustee he won’t be put in a position to be in sole presence of pupils but it does not raising as a safeguarding issue.

i was trying to provide as much context as possible. I don’t know his wife or really care about that. I have DC at the school and am uncomfortable that this choice of leadership and the fact a relationship with a child who was 2 months previously in his care is being swept under the carpet in favour of finances.

OP posts:
Dolphinnoises · 15/02/2025 08:17

You should raise this with the DSL. This is a terrible decision for a school to make. You can’t just decide a safeguarding breach is something to sweep under the carpet because you want someone’s expertise. Appalling.

ExtraOnions · 15/02/2025 08:18

The person was 18, and had left school, when this happened ?

Lorelaigilmore88 · 15/02/2025 08:20

Completelyjo · 15/02/2025 07:58

it was common knowledge in the town but never publicly addressed by the school.

So you don’t actually know what is true and what isn’t. You’re making a lot of assumptions based of rumours from 15 years ago.

Safeguarding concerns would never be reported if everyone waited for 'proof'. Op is entitled to raise what information she is aware of.

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 15/02/2025 08:20

How old was the young person he had a 'relationship' with? It was discovered after she left the school but presumably started before she did. For me you could and probably should approach this from a safeguarding perspective, even if she was post 18 it's highly inappropriate to have a sexual relationship with a pupil. I hear what other people say about gossip but actually your DH was told first hand by him. Honestly I would make a LADO referral for them to explore whether it requires a position of trust investigation.

Completelyjo · 15/02/2025 08:20

Two months before October isn’t the end of the year though? An a level student likely finished in May or early June.

Original poster
Silverbook55 · 15/02/2025 08:21

ExtraOnions · 15/02/2025 08:18

The person was 18, and had left school, when this happened ?

They were 17, left school in Aug when up to then he’d been the house parent in the boarding house she had been in. By Oct it was known they were in a relationship. When it started- I don’t know.

OP posts:
Notmydaughteryoubitch · 15/02/2025 08:21

@Completelyjo - they would be on roll at school/college until end of August when they get their results.

Original poster
Silverbook55 · 15/02/2025 08:22

Completelyjo · 15/02/2025 08:20

Two months before October isn’t the end of the year though? An a level student likely finished in May or early June.

A boarding school not in England but in the UK. The curriculum isn’t A levels.

OP posts:
Notmydaughteryoubitch · 15/02/2025 08:24

@Silverbook55 ultimately it's not your place to make decisions about potential risk, share it with the professionals and they can make a determination.
You can make a referral to the LADO service normally via your MASH (multi agency safeguarding hub). I say this as someone who manages a LADO service, we would want to you to report this so could be explored further.

KitchenDancefloor · 15/02/2025 08:25

Definitely report to the safeguarding officer. This is the one incident you know about but it could be part of a pattern.

crumblingschools · 15/02/2025 08:27

Might be different where you are but Trustees would have DBS check and therefore would be able to go round school on their own, with schools I have been involved with

ExtraOnions · 15/02/2025 08:27

Silverbook55 · 15/02/2025 08:21

They were 17, left school in Aug when up to then he’d been the house parent in the boarding house she had been in. By Oct it was known they were in a relationship. When it started- I don’t know.

Edited
Show quote history

Surely to have complete 6th Form, and left, she would be 18. An Adult, not a child.

What did the young persons parents do ? What happened to the realtionship? How do you know that the school didn’t investigate ?

As long as he wasn’t living in a house with any students, not sure why it would affect his current role.

Report it to the school if you want, but it he’s so infamous, you would think that ther know already.

Neolara · 15/02/2025 08:29

This is a terrible decision by the school. Trustees need to have a DBS. Teachers aren't allowed to be in relationships with pupil who have just left their school. Obviously, if the issue was not officially followed up at the time, this will not show up on any DBS. But the general principle is you should be excluded from being a trustee if you do stuff that would be flagged as an absolutely massive red flag on a DBS - which this would be.

Ughn0tryte · 15/02/2025 08:29

A man in a position of power to advantage of his position in the school to groom a pupil.
Was he struck off?
Were safeguarding measures put in place?
School policies amended?
Whilst it may have been common knowledge that an adult groomed a school pupil who was over the age of consent at the time of it being let out of the bag, he would have likely known the child as an 11 year old and into teenage years.
He could have done damage to her trust in education in addition to her knowing that everyone knew she was being abused by a teacher and nothing done.
Now he sits in a position of power at the same school. So all her family and previous pupils get a reminder if they look at the school website that this predator is very welcome to save the school and be a hero with regards to reducing closure.

ThimbleT · 15/02/2025 08:33

I’d use the school’s complaints procedure to raise concerns, and specifically ask if checks had been run on this individual’s appointment to the board under Section 128 of the Education & Skills Act 2008, and also whether the LADO had been formally consulted. I’d read the school’s trustee Code of Conduct and ask how the school considers the appointment satisfies the Nolan Principles (the seven principles of public life, which also apply to those delivering public services).

Edited to add that my intention with the above would be to force the school to be open and transparent around their rationale for the appointment, and to open a dialogue between the school and all relevant stakeholders including parents/carers.

Heartofmetal · 15/02/2025 08:36

ExtraOnions · 15/02/2025 08:27

Surely to have complete 6th Form, and left, she would be 18. An Adult, not a child.

What did the young persons parents do ? What happened to the realtionship? How do you know that the school didn’t investigate ?

As long as he wasn’t living in a house with any students, not sure why it would affect his current role.

Report it to the school if you want, but it he’s so infamous, you would think that ther know already.

Show quote history

Not necessarily if in Scotland. OP has stated UK, not England and not A levels so very possibly Scotland. Our kids can finish 6th year at 17yrs old depending on when their birthdays fall.

BlwyddynNewydd · 15/02/2025 08:38

Don't just report to the school - report to the local authority and whoever inspects the schools. It's a fucking disgrace. He's a fucking predator