Is my boss career blocking/ subtle bullying me?

[Bitesize89]

I work in a consultancy and since coming back from maternity leave I've changed line manager. She's been really difficult to deal with. My workload increased when I returned to work even though I came back three days a week. I asked her to reduce my workload to fit me being pt as I was struggling to get everything done and she was getting upset. She did but as the year progressed I struggled with three days a week and eventually came back 4 days a week because I felt like they had expected a full time workload. I noticed since having this new line manager she never communicated with me, we never have 1-2-1, she didn't even schedule a performance review I had to ask her and she said we can meet if you want to be we don't have to. I thought this was really strange as everywhere I've ever worked you had 1-2-1 and performance review meetings with your manager but wtv no biggie I thought. Fast forward to recently, I've been asking about the process for a promotion so I could work start working towards one and she lied to me about the process for several months. It wasn't until I got a mentor that I found out, I know she is aware as she has gone through the process herself and even my mentor has mentioned she should know. Since I've asked her I completed the form and thought I had the requirements but she told me I was missing a few things I need to try and get experience on. I networked and found some projects that I could do for those requirements but she then proposed a project which will give me a zero experience on the things she discussed but also it's full time for a year so I can't even do side projects. I'm really pissed off and in this consultancy I've been told I can choose my own work so I declined this opportunity. She had a go at me and said even though I'm not obligated I should show enthusiasm and be grateful for anything I'm given. I'm starting to think I might make a complaint about her as I feel she is blocking my growth and purposely keeping me from getting promoted. AIBU?

Ergh! Not much sisterly regard there is there? She's the sort of woman who climbs the corporate ladder and quickly pulls it up behind her to stop anyone else succeeding.

Document her failure to do 1-2-1s/reviews - then grievance her sorry ass.

Is it a legal requirement though?

Exactly!! The worst part it's a male dominated industry youd think she want to help

Grievance grievance grievance!!

Mind you she probably doesn’t even know what this is!

About what?

No not a legal requirement! What law would that be?

She isn’t a bully but sounds a bit like a very overworked and stressed slightly crap manager.

You are overworked (which I totally get) but then asked for another project so you may be giving her mixed messages.

Yeah she should know the promotion process.

Raise a grievance for what? Being an overworked stressed out manager who can’t find time to schedule 1-1’s (which aren’t mandatory and aren’t always necessary if you communicate with your manager well in other ways)? Hardly against policy.

I think take a step back and consider how best to get a positive outcome.

How long have you been back? If it’s only been a short time a promotion push may be too soon. If you are feeling overworked a promotion may cause more work and stress. What does your mentor say about it?

@Bitesize89

Whether or not you'd like to raise grievance against her depends on what you'd like to achieve. In my experience, these things are stressful and rarely go in favour of those raising grievances as the HR departments are largely there to protect the company and its management/leadership from its employees, not the other way around. This may sound harsh but I found this to be true.

In consultances, when there is a project that someone would like you to work on, you do usually have a choice to accept it or wait for another but I can also say that if there is no alternative to projects offered to you, bench time (esp. prolonged bench time) will always look worse than any project regardless of what it would give you in terms of personal development, career aspirations, satisfaction etc.

On the subject of workload, consultancies tend to be pretty brutal. I don't know when you returned from your mat leave but if it was less than a year ago, then any prospects of a promotion are pretty unlikely.

Even if you returned a while ago, if you struggle with your workload, this can be easily interpreted as struggling to perform at level and therefore any prospects of a promotion are also remote because most people considered for promotions in consulting firms work long hours, which are well beyond their contracted hours, and usually outperform their peers at the same level.

I don't want to sound cruel but this is my experience of working for these firms.

Now for the positives: management in consulting firms tends to change often, so if you would like to stay in the company rather than leave, you can either wait it out and see if your managers would change or apply for another role.

If you want to leave because you can't take it anymore, then I don't know what the value of pursuing any kind of formal process against your manager would be.

My suggestion would be to consider carefully whether consulting firms are the right places for you now that you have a young child or children or maybe if not consulting firms per se, then client facing consulting as a job (I assume that is what you are referring to).

Wishing you all the best!

In consultances

I meant consultancies... typo, sorry! 🙄

Sorry I forgot to add that I am now 4 days a week. That makes sense but then I think she should have said exactly that.

Please note what I said I struggled with workload because I was now three days a week and was given the workload of 5 days ago. This is exactly what she is using against me but now I've gone up to 4 days a week. I feel it's unfair to not recognize an extra day can be insane amount more

Wow I also feel like that comment is extremely discriminatory to someone with kids. Just because I can't cope being three days a week with a workload that would be too much for someone who is 5 days doesn't mean I would struggle if I am now full time and doing ok with my workload. Also I shouldn't be looked over for going on maternity leave?

I did notice that you said you went to 4 days instead of 3 @Bitesize89 and it is significantly more not only in % terms but also for any new parent from any human perspective but, unfortunately, consulting firms are full of young and ambitious people many of whom don't have families or other commitments that would take away from their careers, and so most of them devote insane hours to work. It may be unfair but those people are your competition when it comes to promotions, not to mention the fact that most of these people also take on extracurricular activities at work, which are usually also seen as a must during any laddering process even though most of these firms call it voluntary.

To get promoted, you'd usually have to be performing at next level for more than a year, often two or more, basically outperforming peers at your level and your management would usually recognise that at every turn. You wouldn't need a battle over this. When a manager says she feels you have some gaps to address, there is no chance you'd get promoted because she would be the one representing you in those laddering meetings and she will be saying exactly that as other managers who feel their reports are ready to be promoted would be singing praises for them.

It's a brutal environment but that's how many of those firms are.

No, you shouldn't be looked over for going on maternity leave, and I didn't say that this is why you are being looked over. What I am saying is that as someone who recently returned from such leave and declared struggles with workload, you can be seen as struggling to perform at level because when being considered for promotion, you'd be compared with your peers, who are working in the same roles or similar roles and not struggling with their workload.

Well first of all there are lots of people who do 4 days a week and have kids and have been promoted and it didn't take a full years only a few months acting at that level. I recognize I'm maybe not at that level but you misunderstood what I was trying to say. She is not telling me the skills I need to gain to get to the next level so I can at least start to get them and instead she puts me on a project that is not going to give me time to seek the skills I need to get to the next level but also blocks me from other projects offers I've been given. So it wasn't as if I was unproductive and needed something asap.

Well first of all there are lots of people who do 4 days a week and have kids and have been promoted and it didn't take a full years only a few months acting at that level. I recognize I'm maybe not at that level but you misunderstood what I was trying to say.

I don't want to comment on those lots of people who have kids but have been promoted in few months of acting at next level because obviously I don't know what they do differently. If your firm is very different from what I described as my experience, that's great, and I am sorry if I misunderstood anything.

Wishing you best of luck with whatever you decide to do next!