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Fedupper · 2025-02-14T12:20:29+00:00

me and my partner of 4 years are moving in together, I’m going solely on the Morgage as he has had money issues bad credit in the past. Which I’m happy to do and would sort with solicitor to make fair on him for any money he has towards the Morgage, I’ve cut back massively to save for a deposit . His brother in the past has lent money and asked him to get credit for him which we had a chat and he said he would stop. Just recently found out he’s still been getting credit for said brother in means for new headphones tablets ect and brother had been asking for contract phones ect which he’s said he’s told him no. Am I being unreasonable in being totally p****d off with this?

stackhead · 14/02/2025 12:22

Money is one of the biggest headaches in a relationship. If you can't be open and honest with each other then I would delay tieing yourself together financially until you can.

takealettermsjones · 14/02/2025 12:24

Honestly, I think you'd be mad to move in with him. Buy yourself a property by all means, but get the solicitor to protect YOU, not him. It needs to be crystal clear that it's your house, your money, your mortgage.

Ferrazzuoli · 14/02/2025 12:26

takealettermsjones · 14/02/2025 12:24

Honestly, I think you'd be mad to move in with him. Buy yourself a property by all means, but get the solicitor to protect YOU, not him. It needs to be crystal clear that it's your house, your money, your mortgage.

I agree with this.

Catapultaway · 14/02/2025 12:26

If he's not going on the mortgage why do you care about him taking out credit for his brother? How's he getting it if his credit is so bad... or have I got it the wrong way round.
As long as it gets paid I'm not sure of the issue.

Original poster

Fedupper · 14/02/2025 12:31

Sorry typed it too quickly . Brother in a Iva constantly asks him to get things on buy now pay later he has a bullyish attitude if he’s told no. My boyfriend struggles to say no. My partner got refused on Morgage for ccjs but manages to get small credit. Brother phoned last week asking for new contract phones as wife’s iPhone 15 is old now and she wants the 16 (newest one out) I make do with what I have and live within my means. Am I right in being annoyed?

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Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 14/02/2025 12:33

id be pissed off too.
my advice - if (I stress IF) you still think it's a good idea to move in together then keep finances completely separate, agree a fair split of all bills and expences and don't marry him.
I'm not sure whether you want children but that brings a shitload of financial arrangement issues too.

username299 · 14/02/2025 12:35

I'd reconsider if you want to be in a relationship with him as he seems spineless and tells lies for an easy life.

His SIL doesn't need a new iPhone, there are plenty of affordable smartphones she can get on a SIM if they don't have the money.

Jellycatspyjamas · 14/02/2025 12:55

Not being on the same page financially is a recipe for disaster. You’re cutting back to buy a house that he can’t buy into because of bad credit while he’s also subsidising his brothers lifestyle. I’d put off moving in together until he’s on a much better financial footing and is able to say “no”.

shellyleppard · 14/02/2025 12:57

@Fedupper if the brothers wife wants a new iPhone she can pay for it herself or make do like everyone else. I wouldn't be tying myself with your partner financially, it doesn't sound very good money wise

5128gap · 14/02/2025 13:00

I don't think you're going to have much joy combining finances with him. He's a spender, you're a saver. He's financially involved with his family, you don't think this is how it should be. Its never a good idea to try and change people to your way of handling money. It rarely works for one thing. If I were you I'd be coming up with an arrangement that keeps your finances seperate while you both pay your way.

Original poster

Fedupper · 14/02/2025 13:00

This has only come about yesterday but I am questioning things now as I don’t see him as financially responsible, I’ve been struggling with depression the past year or so and feel like my judgment is clouded. But what he says and what he does are indifferent.

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Original poster

Fedupper · 14/02/2025 13:07

shellyleppard · 14/02/2025 12:57

@Fedupper if the brothers wife wants a new iPhone she can pay for it herself or make do like everyone else. I wouldn't be tying myself with your partner financially, it doesn't sound very good money wise

Yes my words exactly I find it so unbelievably cheeky

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5128gap · 14/02/2025 13:15

Fedupper · 14/02/2025 13:00

This has only come about yesterday but I am questioning things now as I don’t see him as financially responsible, I’ve been struggling with depression the past year or so and feel like my judgment is clouded. But what he says and what he does are indifferent.

If it helps, most people are not as financially enmeshed with the family as he appears to be. Most people do not pay for new phones for their brothers partner. Most people would be cautious about sharing finances with someone with lots of debt. Most people would not feel secure in a relationship where their partner withheld information or lied by omission about money. So if your instincts are telling you this isn't right, then most people would share those instincts, so you don't need to put them down to your mental health.

Original poster

Fedupper · 14/02/2025 13:31

5128gap · 14/02/2025 13:15

If it helps, most people are not as financially enmeshed with the family as he appears to be. Most people do not pay for new phones for their brothers partner. Most people would be cautious about sharing finances with someone with lots of debt. Most people would not feel secure in a relationship where their partner withheld information or lied by omission about money. So if your instincts are telling you this isn't right, then most people would share those instincts, so you don't need to put them down to your mental health.

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Thank you 🙏

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