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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - vasectomy care packages

35 replies

loopyb · 14/02/2025 11:01

My husband showed me a picture of a vasectomy care package his friend got indicating that he expected the same. It had lots of sweets and snacks with jokey puns.

I didn't receive any care packages when recovering from two c-sections. He must be completely off his rocker to think having a vasectomy would condone me making a care basket up for him like he's a hero??? AIBU??

OP posts:
SwanRivers · 14/02/2025 11:03

And you told him, yes?

What did he say?

festivemouse · 14/02/2025 11:04

I think that's quite a sweet funny thing to do! I'd probably do a jokey one for DH - but the difference is whenever I'm ill he is looking after me so well with medicines / drinks / completely taking all of the life chores over so I just get to relax, and I'd be doing it from a place of wanting to do the same for him. He actually does also get me cute little packages from time to time of things I like all bundled up, so this would be right up his street.

If he wasn't the type to put any effort into looking after me when ill, then no chance would be be getting that sort of treatment 😂

Mrsttcno1 · 14/02/2025 11:05

My husband has always agreed to having a vasectomy once we are done having babies and I would probably do it for him, but that’s because he absolutely went above and beyond for me during pregnancy, birth/recovery, and he is just really thoughtful when I’m unwell so I would return the favour in a heartbeat.

If I’d had 2 c sections and had nothing then I’d not be doing one though!

Completelyjo · 14/02/2025 11:06

He must be completely off his rocker to think having a vasectomy would condone me making a care basket up for him like he's a hero??? AIBU??

Well I would probably get in little treat bits to make my DH feel better if he had any sort of procedure. I put some juice in the fridge for him last night t because he was going out after work and thought it would help him get going in the morning.
But my husband is supportive and has cared for me when I’ve been unwell, including after my surgeries.

ButterCrackers · 14/02/2025 11:08

He can get some sweets sorted for afterwards if that what he wants.

Tiswa · 14/02/2025 11:10

I would for mine bexause he stepped up for me - the fact he didn’t when you had two c sections but expects it from you is your issue

fourelementary · 14/02/2025 11:13

To be fair the “care packages” are a bit of a piss take- like this. Making fun of them rather than a real “awww you poor thing”. So not really the same as post c-section at all.

AIBU - vasectomy care packages
SwanRivers · 14/02/2025 11:13

Tiswa · 14/02/2025 11:10

I would for mine bexause he stepped up for me - the fact he didn’t when you had two c sections but expects it from you is your issue

This is why the OP needs to update a little bit and tell us how the conversation went I think.

DH and I would definitely do this for each other.

I had a 3 hour train journey last month and he bought me sweets, drinks, a crossword magazine and a little keyring puzzle thing, which was a nice surprise.

MaggieBsBoat · 14/02/2025 11:14

My exDH was an asshole after all my csections (5) and he would basically get a raised eyebrow for even asking if he dared. What amazes me about your DH @loopyb is that he is under the impression that he deserves this kind of treatment. Has he been a diamond after your surgeries?

NoKnit · 14/02/2025 11:17

Haha best laugh I've had all morning.

I got naff all after my hysterectomy but I didn't expect it and fair play he did great job looking after the house and kids

KrisAkabusi · 14/02/2025 11:18

You have no sense of humour.

glassof · 14/02/2025 11:25

I got my dh something similar. He was amazing after I had our dc and is a great partner/dad.
After all three dc He bought me flowers, treats etc and then waited on me!

Hankunamatata · 14/02/2025 11:26

U brought dh a cuppa and a scone in coffee shop afterwards then he drove home. He didn't think it was a big deal.

Hankunamatata · 14/02/2025 11:27

I not u

ObviouslyBlooming · 14/02/2025 11:30

Tiswa · 14/02/2025 11:10

I would for mine bexause he stepped up for me - the fact he didn’t when you had two c sections but expects it from you is your issue

The point is - he didn’t.

He didn’t think having abdominal surgery was worth a little care package. So why does he think his minor surgery procedure - in and out, not even day surgery - warrants a care package?

Either he is highly hypocritical or he has this wrapped idea that HIS discomfort is important (and look at what I’m doing for you etc… as if a vasectomy wasn’t as important to him than his DP), much more important than the OP’s (whose CS aren’t that bad are they? She was looking after a baby and a child just after the second one anyway …)

There is so much to unpack behind those comments and expectations…..

ObviouslyBlooming · 14/02/2025 11:31

NoKnit · 14/02/2025 11:17

Haha best laugh I've had all morning.

I got naff all after my hysterectomy but I didn't expect it and fair play he did great job looking after the house and kids

You mean your dh acted like a father to his dcs?

neilyoungismyhero · 14/02/2025 11:34

It's a funny little joke dear god

JustinOtherdad · 14/02/2025 11:51

Tell him it'll be two housebricks and a bag of frozen peas!

61here · 14/02/2025 12:12

I think it's a lovely idea.......just cus you didn't get one first it's a bit spiteful not to do it now somethings been suggested to you. Maybe next time you're in hospital he will reciprocate then.....someone has to make the first move....

Emptyandsad · 14/02/2025 12:24

It's nice to do stuff for each other but having a vasectomy isn't in the same league as a c-section or a hysterectomy. It's usually a pretty painless operation with a short and easy recovery time. No major muscles/nerves/ligaments are cut through, it's barely invasive. I've had one and it was utterly simple (and I speak as a certified wimp).

But don't be transactional in your relationship. Do it or don't, depending on whether you want to, not because he did it (or didnt) for you

ThinWomansBrain · 14/02/2025 12:29

suggest that you'll arrange a "care package" if he goes for penis removal instead.

he sounds a complete knob

ApolloandDaphne · 14/02/2025 12:32

I left my DH and fruit arrangement after he had his. It was a banana and two plums. He laughed then ate them!

ObviouslyBlooming · 14/02/2025 12:34

61here · 14/02/2025 12:12

I think it's a lovely idea.......just cus you didn't get one first it's a bit spiteful not to do it now somethings been suggested to you. Maybe next time you're in hospital he will reciprocate then.....someone has to make the first move....

I think that doing something in the hope that one will (finally) reciprocate at a later date is naive.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 14/02/2025 12:35

I find them hilarious when they pop up on Instagram. You don't have to do it, obviously - it's just a bit of a joke!

ManHereSorry · 14/02/2025 12:37

loopyb · 14/02/2025 11:01

My husband showed me a picture of a vasectomy care package his friend got indicating that he expected the same. It had lots of sweets and snacks with jokey puns.

I didn't receive any care packages when recovering from two c-sections. He must be completely off his rocker to think having a vasectomy would condone me making a care basket up for him like he's a hero??? AIBU??

Did you not get several months maternity leave? Whereas I got my vasectomy done in my lunch hour and went back to work, my wife said nothing.