Not really an AIBU but just looking for some advice, words of wisdom, hand hold really.
This is kind of a small issue and maybe not all that important, but it's driving me mad.
DH and me have been friends for years with a couple, let's call them Tim and Anne.The friendship started with DH and Tim many years ago, and then kind of extended to the partners
Roll clock back a bit and all was good until a few stray messages revealed that I've been the butt of Tim and Anne's private jokes, possibly, presumably for years. Obviouzly my feelings were a bit hurt. More than a bit really. Nobody really knows, but I think I am undiagnosed autistic. It's mild and i have learned a lot of behaviours to handle social situations, so people don't generally notice when they meet me first few times. I've always found it hard to make friends though and was really happy that I had managed it with Tim and Anne. So I suppose it was just particularly upsetting when I found out they actually weren't friends.... if you know what I mean.
Anyway.... DH took all in stride and has continued friendship as normal. He blames Anne for messages and thinks Tim is blameless. I've pulled back, and just can never see myself trusting again enough to be friends. I just imagine everything I say being a big joke. Tim and Anne made no effort to apologise or make up for incident and we don't meet as couples anymore. DH and Tim continue to meet regularly.
Now, I don't want DH to lose his oldest friend, so if that's what he wants, I'd like for him to continue this. But on the other hand, it feels a bit like a betrayal. I have to bite my tongue every time Tim is mentioned.
On some level, I know I need to suck this up. Especially as it really comes between me and DH. Plenty nights now I've just felt like venting and have to stop myself. Def in the way of our relationship at this stage.
Looking for some words of advice on how to approach this I suppose. Fill me with inspiration! How do people grin and bear things like this.