Is this normal at work?

[Beanz2022]

Hi,

I need some opinions please, I’ve been in this company for around 3 years - and I am not high up but I have a good job, exclusively working from home - all comms are via teams but we do have office days every few months. There are 4 people in my Team who are my level - and then there’s her, and then other managers above her.

the person in question, who is my team leader … I just find I can’t get comfortable around or be myself around.

she is a little older than me and :

1. makes me look stupid infront of others via teams groups - for example - you’re idea is rubbish etc

2. if I offer a suggestion or idea - doesn’t acknowledge it or says it’s a silly idea.

3. always defensive about things

4. if I say something on a teams group - will say “well that’s a silly idea isn’t it” or “what you on about”

5. never listens to me

6. constantly talking over me

7. says I’ve always got an attitude if she deems I’ve said something she doesn’t like..

I’m at a loss, I’ve lost my spark a little at work as I’m nervous incase I say the wrong thing or speak out of line.

I like my company and my job.

thanks for listening!

She's obviously a bully. Belittling and disrespectful behaviour is bullying. Keep a record of all incidents and speak to ACAS.

No, it’s not normal. How long have you both been there for? Have others noticed her behaviour? What formal feedback does she give during appraisals? Do you have targets that you consistently meet? Ie, can you demonstrate your competency in the role?

ive been there for around 4 years and she’s been there around 9 years. She is always moaning about others but then quickly changes her tune about them almost to lure us into making us believe they are rubbish but then quickly praises them - I honestly get so confused with her and how I should react or think.

she doesn’t give any positive feedback unless it’s about her, she says she does all the work and we hardly do anything,

I meet my targets.

yes I can demonstrate my competency x

She sounds awful. I think I would need to have it out with her, in an assertive but professional way.
I don't believe in pussyfooting around bullies like her.

She sounds awful :( I would start noting down these comments and raise her behaviour with a more senior manager, it’s not acceptable for her to speak to you like this.

Thank you- I just needed to know I wasn’t going crazy or being unrealistic or unreasonable.

She sounds dire. A manager's role is to bring out the best in those they manage, encourage them, even when they make mistakes.

Of course you’re not going crazy. Do you think you could challenge her directly in the moment? Like “what exactly do you find silly about my suggestion?” “What, exactly do you mean by ‘rubbish’?

Do you have regular performance appraisals?

You need to mention it to her one way or another and then you can escalate to HR but from bitter experience the only way to deal with these things is to eventually just leave, these people don’t change.