Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to stick to my guns regarding presents for ds's party?

25 replies

manicmuvvaof3 · 09/05/2008 08:18

Ds's party is in a few weeks' time, sharing with 3 others in his class. Am always a bit overwhelmed by the sheer number of presents they receive when inviting the whole year group (now standing at 35 kids) so noticing a thread on MN, suggested to 2 of the other mums who I'm v friendly with we ask guests to bring just one present and we will share them out between the 4 boys. The remaining mother, fairly new to the school, does not agree and has been quite short with me asking how we can reasonably share them out as each dc likes different things, she can't see any problem with her DS receiving up to 35 pressies.
I know my DS is grateful for ANY present and wouldnt dream of saying (at least in public LOL) he didnt like a gift. Some of the other mothers who responded to the invite have expressed surprise but I have stuck to my guns citing lack of space in our house, expense for parents and particularly environmental impact of all that plastic, wrapping paper etc.
Our Dss are at school in quite an affluent area and many of the parents to me, epitomise consumerism but I feel strongly on this one and am not afraid to make myself "unpopular" . I honestly dont mean to be ungrateful either, AIBU?

OP posts:

funnypeculiar · 09/05/2008 08:23

good luck

ds & dd had a joint party & I wrote a strongly worded suggestion on the invite that everyone chose one child only to buy a present for. Only one person (out of 36 children invited) bought one present.

SueW · 09/05/2008 08:26

Each child should invite one quarter of the class.

But sounds like it's a bit late now. And actually people like to give!

justaboutdisappeared · 09/05/2008 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SueW · 09/05/2008 08:28

Sorry posted too soon - if one child had each invited one quarter of the invitees, then those who can't afford to buy more than one present wouldn't feel obliged too.

But if the invitation went out saying

Tom, Dick, Harry and John
invite
Janet
to their party

then it pretty much sounds like presents all round.

moondog · 09/05/2008 08:31

I expressly tell people to bring NO presents to my kids' parties. Utterly decadent and repellant practice for amny reasons
I'm well off and couldn't give a shite if people think it is weird. Neither do my kids.

Original poster

manicmuvvaof3 · 09/05/2008 08:43

Yes, I suppose with hindsight we should have stipulated on the invites. However this new mother has taken over all the organising (phew!) - I didnt even realise the invites had gone out until DS brought one home last Friday LOL.

This mother did tell me only 3 days ago, however, that she had only had one or two replies, and how could she now tell them about the presents?I offered to ring them myself and I personally spoke to a couple more who rsvp'd at the school gate.
Guess we will have to wait and see what happens.
Forgot to mention on OP we are hoping to move in a couple of months so am frantically decluttering - another reason not to want an influx of more STUFF! Thanks for your replies

OP posts:

cupsoftea · 09/05/2008 11:00

if you get loads of pressies donate some to a charity shop/ salvation army

madmuggle · 09/05/2008 11:35

Good for you, I think it's an excellent idea

BalloonSlayer · 09/05/2008 12:50

What a great idea. I may try that one with DS1's joint party.

I always feel guilty that the kids only get one party to go to and the parents have to shell out for 2 presents.

bigTillyMint · 09/05/2008 12:56

Why not ask people to donate to a charity - donkey / buy a goat for a village in Africa, etc?

cutekids · 09/05/2008 12:57

my kids all celebrated their birthdays last week and had a couple of friends each around. What I did was just ring the parents of a particular child and said, "It's so and so's birthday on ....Would they like to come to the house on....?" I didn't elaborate on the fact that all three had birthdays so each parent didn't feel obliged to buy x 3 presents...although admittedly some did!

Pheebe · 09/05/2008 18:00

Tbh I think you are being both unreasonable and ungrateful. Its the childrens birthday not yours and if people want to give them presents you really shouldn't get involved. I totally agree with the 'remaining mother' and you might find the other two do as well but just didn't want to be seen to be 'grabbing' presents for their kids, which I'm sure they aren't but might feel as if they'll look like they are if they disagree with you.

If you feel that strongly, send a note round asking that no one buys presents for your child but leave the others out of it.

seeker · 09/05/2008 18:04

My children and I love choosing and buying presents - I would hate to think that the present we chose for a particular individual was divvied out randomly to someone else.

pagwatch · 09/05/2008 18:11

If you have aproblem with the volume of presents why don't you explain to your son that he will receive thenm over a period of time and not all imediately. That would be a nice way for you to help him appreciate each present without having to tell people that they cannot choose their friend a special present.
My DD is only 5 but she always knows what she wants to get for her friends .
I personally wouldn't really appreciate being told what and how to give. You are placing others in the position of feeling mean.
I understand your intent.
if you are rteally concerned aboutthe waste/ethic/indulgence of it all why not see if there is a local refuge or something where you could donate a proprtion of the toys?

soapbox · 09/05/2008 18:12

I did this last year for my DS's birthday, when he shared his party with two of his friends.

We laid out all the presents and the boys took it in turns to choose one each. A few parents had bought a small present each which was fine as it was only 2 or 3 people who did this.

I agree with you that 35 presents is just an infeasible amount to deal with, unless you plan on giving half of them away to charity!

potoftea · 09/05/2008 18:13

It seems a bit expensive to me that the children get to go to one party and yet parents will have to buy 4 presents.
I think it's very fair for everyone to buy just one present, and as for sharing them out, I'd do it while they are still wrapped so it's just luck who gets what.

Unfitmother · 09/05/2008 18:14

Why not give the guests a name of one of the 4 a week before?

soapbox · 09/05/2008 18:14

Oh yes - DS's were still wrapped when they chose them - which actually made it quite fun - seeing whether they chose the mahoosive one or the little envelope

pagwatch · 09/05/2008 18:14

yeah - ignore me.
But then I would never do a shared party so I know nothing

pagwatch · 09/05/2008 18:16

god that sounded sarky !
I seriously agree with potoftea and as I wouldn't/won't ever do a shared party I have no valid view point. seriously

Minum · 09/05/2008 18:39

I think you are absoutely right, and should stick to your guns. While of course you can donate presents to charity, the fundamental problem is making all the stuff to start with, and all the wasted resources. I have had friends upset with me in the past, as they love buying presents so much, so want me to accept them, but I think we all need to move on, and get out of this consumeristic way of life.

seeker · 09/05/2008 20:40

My dd's birthday is 4 days before Christmas. On her 5th birthday she had he first proper party, and invited the whole class. I hadn't thought about the presents until the day - but `I will never forget her face when she saw the pile of 30 presents she had to open when she got home. She still remembers - she's 12 now - the glorious hour of opening. I know it's lots of tat - but, just got a moment, imagine yourself 5 years old again.

Pheebe · 09/05/2008 20:57

seeker, you've just bought a tear to my eye, how magical for her. I know we should all be trying to teach our children not to be materialistic etc etc but on their birthdays...

wheresthehamster · 09/05/2008 21:11

You absolutely MUST tell the parents only to buy one present.

My dds would NO WAY be going to a party that I would have to fork out 4 x £10 presents for!

Original poster

manicmuvvaof3 · 09/05/2008 22:31

Wow, thanks for all the input. I should have pointed out we always spread the gifts out even throughout the year and we also pass stuff on to charity shops/Christmas women's refuge appeals or even recycle to other parties! DH and I have large families and DS is one of only a very few grandchidren so he has always been inundated each birthday and Christmas.

I honestly do not mean to sound ungrateful and do appreciate people like to chooe presents for a party but I just feel so strongly about this. I will take on board some of the suggestions here and mention to the others and yes, the two DO agree with my stance. Thanks to all for your replies.

OP posts:

Flip