I need some advice with leaving my husband

[WhatTheMoo]

Married 3 years.

I have 1 child from previous relationship and we have a toddler together. He owns the house we live in, I am not on the deeds or the mortgage. I don't want to be with him anymore but don't know what my next steps are. From what I've researched, I won't be able to stay here and pay rent if I want to claim UC. I do work, but i don't earn enough to survive. I don't think I would be entitled to anything from the house as I'm not on the mortgage and have only lived here 5 years when he's owned it for 15 years. Is my only to move out into a rented property at this point? I have been contributing to the mortgage since I've been working. How do people afford to leave? I would need a deposit on a rental plus first months rent and enough money to furnish the house as pretty much eveything here is owned by him. I don't know what to do.

You save. Ideally, you save all the way through the relationship and never leave yourself in a vulnerable position. Even though, at times it feels disingenuous like you always have one foot out of the door. But it's worth it if and when the relationship breaks down.
Don't worry about furnishing, that's what freecycle is for. Or facebook marketplace. Or, worse comes to worse, you just pick up minimum to get you started which is a bed for your kids and a mattress you can put on a floor for yourself. Build it up as you go.
So you only need to worry about deposit and rent for now. Take a few months to save for it, there is really no other option unless you have friends or family you can stay with.

I have been contributing to the mortgage since I've been working.

@WhatTheMoo have you been paying directly to the mortgage provider or your husband?

To my husband. I put a portion in our joint account each month

Your first steps are to see a solicitor

You are married with children. I think you won't walk away with nothing.

If you are married then it doesn’t matter if you are not named on the deeds - married = all assets are joint. It doesn’t really help you in the short term but in the event of divorce you would be entitled to a share of the assets.

You are married and have a child together: don't assume you are not entitled to anything from the marriage, and ensuring your child can be adequately housed is a priority. I'm not suggesting 50:50.

As you are married you can register matrimonial home owner rights. It’s designed to protect spouse who isn’t on deeds of matrimonial home.
england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness/marital_home_rights?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADwswOzLomdUAxUbYdoeuBH-gqTBq&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5Km2rPjAiwMVCIBQBh1E3iNTEAAYASAAEgKHB_D_BwE

https://www.gov.uk/stay-in-home-during-separation-or-divorce/apply-if-the-property-is-registered

form to fill in to register matrimonial home rights. I’d encourage you to see a solicitor for advice.

You may wish to collect all information related to joint payments. It would have been better if you paid directly to the morgage provider as this may have helped the case with your financial interest in any joint asset but since you are married and have children, I hope you can still get some support.

If you have any evidence of payments made directly to anyone for any repairs or other maintenance of anything like boilers or anything else in the house, you may want to start collecting that and yes, as suggested earlier, you may want to start looking for legal support . Wishing you all the best.

Your entitled to part of the equity in the home because you are married.

There is no requirement to be on the deeds - you're married, therefore the house is jointly owned.

Do you think your husband will be difficult/cause trouble if you try to leave him?

You need advice. Shortish marriage with no kids - you’d be entitled to v little. Shortish marriage with a young child & you’ve been contributing to mortgage - you VERY much will be entitled to something. A court would look at your ability to house yourself and also order CM from your ex. All assets get looked at inc his pension pot and yours if you have one.

Do NOT do your child the disservice of looking into this properly. Women who chose to leave often do this out of guilt. I nearly short changed myself for this reason. Get advice immediately please.

Contact a solicitor. If he's owned the property 15 yrs, and the outgoings of the house are for instance 2k a month and your share has been 1k then you may get something, if the outgoings are 2k a month and you've paid £100 then it's going to be harder to prove you've "contributed " enough to quantify a settlement.

Only professional help will tell you what could be the outcome.

The mortgage is only £260 a month so I haven’t contributed a lot but still half.

You really need to see a solicitor because you are sort of on the border of it considered being a short marriage. Anything over 5 years is considered not a short marriage, but the years where you were living together before marriage counts too so you might just be OK. You should not walk away with nothing, but it might not be 50-50 either.

I don’t really want to walk away at all but I just can’t see anything getting better and I feel like I deserve better than this.

Maybe it's worth fixing it instead in that case? When I left I had come to the point where all I wanted was to walk away and never look back. If you are not there yet and neither is he then perhaps see if he is willing to work on it?

Agree. The grass always looks greener but rarely is.

Yes you need legal advice the fact it has become the martial home means it is an asset thiugh not necessarily 50/50 - the fact you have lived there is enough you don’t need to prove exact contributions

would a 15% equity be enough for you (plus some of the furniture that too is a marital asset) half of the length of time you have been together

He’s always willing to work on it but he never actually does. I’m tired of having the same conversation over and over again. He’s an alcoholic and he won’t get help. He went out last night and came home with his face completely smashed up from falling up the steps. He’s even lost a tooth which I know he won’t bother getting sorted as he hasn’t been to the dentist in about 20 years. I deserve more than this. I’m just really scared and upset.

OK so you do really need to leave. Sounds like you will be the default parent to your toddler as well as needing to be for the older one too.
Save what money you can. Start the process. Get some advice from a solicitor. Plan for a future with ‘’some’ money from the divorce. Maybe enough for furniture and deposits etc.
The hardest thing will be finding a rental that takes some benefits.

@WhatTheMoo In that case, yes it's time to leave. You have two children who should be nowhere near that behaviour. If he is ever going to be a good and reliable husband he has years of work ahead of him and that is not a process either one of you or your kids should have to witness. I'm sorry you are in this position.

Yes it sounds like an untenable living situation for you and your children. You need to get legal advice asap. You are married with a young child and the house is a joint asset so you will be entitled to a financial settlement but you need proper legal advice to work out what that is.

Do you feel safe at the moment? Is your husband aggressive or abusive when intoxicated? If you feel unsafe, please call the police.