Last spring, me and my then-DP were invited to DP's friend's wedding which is to be in April 2025.
It was addressed to 'Me and DP' not 'DP and plus one' if that makes a difference. I think it does really but open to other's opinions.
Me and Ex split in September after 4 and a half years together.
It was an amicable break up, we didn't fall out or have cross words, we both just wanted different things and it was inevitable it would happen. We still speak, we check how one another is doing, have one another on social media, I sent DP's niece a christmas present etc etc.
Anyway not long after we split I asked Ex what we were doing about the wedding. I said I was happy to come as a friend, but if bride felt she'd rather invite someone else that was okay-there's also the matter of me having dietary preferences and if someone else was to take my place, this would need sorting with the venue, so best to address sooner rather than later.
I have a mutual friend with Ex DP and we had a natter last night and she asked if I was coming to the wedding. I said I'd check with Ex as I'd not heard back from her about what bride wanted. Friend did say 'Oh (bride) won't care you've split-she'll want you there!' but anyway, I checked with ex and the conversation went something to the lines of;
'Didn't think you'd want to come'
(me) 'Do you remember us discussing it a few months ago?'
'I remember u saying u would come but thought it might be awkward i mean I can ask again if u do ?'
(me) 'Ask again, what do you mean?'
'Bride's Mum took you off as I didn't think you would come' (Bride's Mum is organising things, I don't know bride's Mum myself).
(me) 'Why would you think I'd not come, I'd said I would? If you didn't want me to come, that's okay, you could've discussed that but why tell her I didn't want to come when I'd said I'd be happy to come?'
'It isn't that I didn't want u to come I just didn't think ud want to that's all'.
(me) 'What part of, I'll happily come as a friend could possibly mean I didn't want to come?'
Anyway, I'll elaborate more if people want but in essence ex has gone to the organiser of the wedding and told her that I don't want to come. Ex backtracked later in the conversation and said that bride's Mum had asked, and ex had said we'd split up. I haven't said anything but I simply do not believe this, why would she ask? She's never met me and isn't close to ex either-you don't tend to just ask out of the blue if someone invited is still coming?
I also told ex that if bride didn't want me there due to us splitting up, that would be fine-I can see why she might want to use 'my' place for someone else who she may see more of over the coming years but AIBU to think;
It wasn't my ex's place to make that decision?
Ex should've discussed it with me first-I was an invited guest
If Ex didn't want me to come, I'd have understood and we could have talked about that-I wouldn't want to make things awkward for anyone-however if that was the case I would have gone to the bride direct
And (my main issue with all of this) ex has made me look very rude and dismissive?
If it /was/ true, and I HAD decided not to go, I'd have gone to the bride directly, apologised and explained my reasons-not just told someone else (which I didn't) to 'get me taken off'.
And, ex saying 'I'll ask again' -I did say later on in the conversation that you just cannot mess people about like that with weddings, there's so much work goes into organising them as it is.
I don't really know what to say to the bride without looking as if I am hankering after an(other!) invitation, that is really not what I'd be doing-I just think ex has made me look like an ignorant ungrateful oik.
Further info-bride is someone I'd class as a friend, she came to my ('big') birthday a couple of years ago, we'd often socialise in a group however ex has known her much longer than I have so for this reason, I'd totally understand if she wanted to 'uninvite' me in place of someone closer to her. I just feel that that's up to her, not up to my ex DP.