Partner vaping in our house

[hummingfish]

My partner quit smoking many years ago and took up vaping instead. We have a 3.5yo and I'm also pregnant (20+5) with our second.

We recently moved to a new city because of my job and he's working from home only (he kept his previous job online). He works in our bedroom (no other available space in the house) and vapes in there when he's working. He also vapes in a small 'utility room' which is directly next to the kitchen, where we usually dry our laundry. I'm worried about him vaping in our house (mostly about the potential health effects but also because, to be frank, I find it quite annoying). He knows I find it problematic and has made an effort to mostly vape in these two spaces, and he won't vape in them when I or our kid is around (i.e. when we're not in that specific room when he's doing it). I think he underestimates the potential harmful effects of secondhand vaping (to be fair there's no serious research on this out there at the moment) and thinks I am overreacting over this.

I recognise he is making an effort and trying to be considerate but I don't think it is enough. Is it ok for him to vape where our laundry dries (including our daughter's clothes), directly next to the kitchen, or in our bedroom? I would find it much better if he vaped outside, or at least next to an open window. He is always very polite when we are in other people's homes, especially if there's kids around, and always goes outside to vape (and of course it goes without saying that he won't vape in indoor public spaces/transport).

Am I being unreasonable? Any advice/insights on this would be much appreciated!

A difficult one as it does sound that he is trying to be considerate to some degree but I personally find it a revolting habit and don't allow anyone (not that we know anyone who does it) to vape inside our home.

I have no advice - but I feel your pain. My DH vapes CONSTANTLY in the house - I HATE it.

It's his house too so we had to reach some sort of compromise. He only vapes in his office which is also his bedroom and the kitchen and downstairs loo.

... but we watch the TV in his office and sometimes I have to leave because the smell is just too much.

I hate the sickly sweet crappy smell - I permeates everything.

One thing that has helped recently is that he is topping up the liquid with a flavourless liquid which means that it is not as strongly flavoured or scented.

He has also installed an extractor fan in his room.

... he's clearly got no intention of giving up - 10 years and counting now - and generally he has a tote on that thing every 2 minutes - he NEVER smoked that much...

... but I'm just ranting now!

Nope. Both DH and I moved from smoking to vapes for about 6 months while we quit.

The smell is just as bad and with no definitive research done about the effects, your DC should not be exposed.

I wouldn't object to much to the utility room if there is a window that can be opened. Otherwise, by an open window or door, away from you and DC.

I’d hate that. The cloying, synthetic smell is repulsive. Can’t he at least do it out of the window?

Honestly, I think vapers can be worse than smokers in terms of selfishness and entitlement. We were on holiday last year and someone was doing it in the swimming pool! Yuck.

Gross. It sounds like he’s swapped one addiction for another. Can’t he quit this one? Maybe if he had to go outside for each one it wouldn’t be so attractive. It’s strange he’ll do it for other people but not his own wife and kids.

I wouldn't be happy about him vaping in the house at all. As yet the harmful effects of vaping aren't fully understood but there is enough evidence emerging to be worrying.
And , as pp have commented, the disgusting stomach churning smell is horrible. Why would anyone want that in their home even without the health worries?
I think you really need to be firm with him: if he really cares about his DC's and your health and wellbeing then there should be no vaping indoors. And yes, he should be trying to give up his new adduction for his own health aswell.

New rule. No vaping in the house.

Only outside, starting now.

Done

Show him a list of harmful effects from second hand vaping. That should be a eye opener.

I would hate this and wouldn't allow it in the house at all. There's enough evidence out there to show second harm vaping is harmful

This

DD vapes and I hate it - we tried to no vaping in the house and she ignored it and vaped in her bedroom so have now compromised that she can vape in her bedroom with the window open. It's not ideal but she's 21, pays board and the smell doesn't last long thankfully. They are horrid things and I wish they were never invented. Smoking cigarettes might be worse but I'm pretty confident DD would never have taken up smoking if it wasn't for vapes.

So I had the same issue with my partner and did a fair bit of research before deciding whether or not it was going to be an issue to raise with him, apparently it sticks to the walls (as with nicotine) even with an open window. Depending on where he’s doing this you could still be breathing in the particles and if you or your child are touching things in the rooms he does it in them it’s getting on your skin. Doing it at all, I don’t like, but doing it in the house for me personally is a dealbreaker. Doing it while you’re pregnant is really quite bad but as other posters have said it seems like he was at least trying to be considerate, I’d forgive him if he starts taking it outside, if not I don’t think I could continue to live there.

I would say vaping is just as disgusting as smoking pso he has to Go Outside Every Time He Does It Regardless Of The Weather

I wouldn’t tolerate that for a minute but then I would never date someone who smoked or vaped. As you are he’s still being incredibly inconsiderate and selfish.

From Cancer Research UK:

Is passive vaping harmful?

There is no good evidence that second-hand vapour from e-cigarettes is harmful. As vaping is still relatively new, we can’t be sure there aren’t any long-term effects to people who breathe in someone else’s vapour. But this is unlikely to be harmful

Passive vaping is not the same as passive smoking. This is because e-cigarettes do not contain tobacco

Thanks for posting this... my partner vapes in his office here and the sickly smell gets everywhere... doing some reading after reading other posters' comments I think vaping outside or with the window open will be the way forward

Dc and I both have asthma. I have a severe allergy to fragrance mix I. That means I am allergic to most fragrance additives used in consumer manufacturing. Many “flavors” actually include fragrance because that is how our bodies process taste.

if I accidentally end up near someone vaping for a second I need an asthma inhaler. I’ve never stayed close enough long enough to see if it would progress to an allergic reaction. Thankfully in my little town smoking and vaping in public are rare.

most people don’t have severe allergies like mine. They don’t live in fear every time they leave the house. Our cases should still be illuminating because we are like the canaries in the coal mine. Just because the sturdier humans aren’t obviously reacting doesn’t mean they are safe.

i personally would leave a spouse over this issue. I wouldn’t have a choice, but I don’t think it’s ok to expose your children to this every day.

He vapes outside only. There is no excuse for vaping inside. I hope that he can stop this environmentally unfriendly habit. What a waste of money as well.

Thanks so much for all your insights on this everyone - I really appreciate it.