Bills, bills, bills!

MeMyself00 · 2025-02-13T08:19:31+00:00

Sorry for the long post. My husband and I each have our own bank accounts that our salaries are paid into. We have a joint account for all the bills. 17 years ago when we first got married, we paid the bills 50/50 and earned roughly the same. Then after a few years I had children and worked part time so the agreement was that my husband would pay 100% of the bills in the joint account and my part time salary would be used for food shopping/ baby stuff etc etc. Now the kids are older and we still have the same set up. I’m still on my part time salary which hasn’t increased much over the years and with the cost of living I struggle to pay for all food etc that we need. My husband is earning about 5 times my salary which is great but I’m constantly having to ask him for more money (which I hate) and he always sighs and asks me what I’m spending money on. He always gives me it but not without make a big deal of it! I feel poor but he is rich in comparison! He always goes on about paying all the bills and we wouldn’t have holidays if it wasn’t for him. Which is correct but why does he have to say these things and make me feel bad about it. Am I being unreasonable to think he should just pay more into the joint account to I don’t have to keep asking?

Notsuchafattynow · 13/02/2025 08:23

I think you need to work out what % of both salary's are going on bills.

What is being saved (joint names?)

What pension provision you both have (equal?)

After that, see what adjustments need to be made, including increasing your hours if required.

Without any knowledge of the above, none of us can comment.

scorpiogirly · 13/02/2025 08:27

Tell him it's payback for all of the free childcare you have provided whilst working part time.

Obviouslynotobviousmum · 13/02/2025 08:29

He always goes on about paying all the bills and we wouldn’t have holidays if it wasn’t for him.

Well presumably he wouldn't have been able to carry on working full time if you'd not facilitated this by doing the brunt of the childcare for years? And in the process, sacrificed your own career progression and earning power? What a cheeky fucker he is!

Obviouslynotobviousmum · 13/02/2025 08:30

Sounds like you do all the mental load of the food shopping as well, what an ungrateful arse he sounds.

TheFlis · 13/02/2025 08:32

How old are the kids now, can’t you increase your hours if they are older?

3rdtimeinflorida · 13/02/2025 08:33

When I read posts like this I always think “I really hope my son doesn’t turn out to be controlling and tight with his money when it comes to his partner and kids.” I’d be really disappointed in him not to mention ashamed and if I knew this was happening I’d be speaking to him about it.

SpanielsSunflowersSand · 13/02/2025 08:35

It sounds like it’s time to sit down and budget plan together once again. Me and my husband do this at least once a month. We write down our goals for the year I.e savings, holidays, investments. We note down all bills and outgoings and then we work out salaries and what percentage of each needs to pay the bills/ savings, etc.

I don't think the set up you have works long-term. Personally, I don’t think you paying specific bills and him paying others will work because as you’ve noticed when those bills increase and your incoming salary doesn’t, it’s no longer balanced!

Original poster

MeMyself00 · 13/02/2025 08:35

TheFlis · 13/02/2025 08:32

How old are the kids now, can’t you increase your hours if they are older?

I could yes and this is something I am considering now the kids are both at secondary school.

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Original poster

MeMyself00 · 13/02/2025 08:39

SpanielsSunflowersSand · 13/02/2025 08:35

It sounds like it’s time to sit down and budget plan together once again. Me and my husband do this at least once a month. We write down our goals for the year I.e savings, holidays, investments. We note down all bills and outgoings and then we work out salaries and what percentage of each needs to pay the bills/ savings, etc.

I don't think the set up you have works long-term. Personally, I don’t think you paying specific bills and him paying others will work because as you’ve noticed when those bills increase and your incoming salary doesn’t, it’s no longer balanced!

Thank you. I think we need to do this, yes.

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rightoguvnor · 13/02/2025 09:32

Every marriage needs a 'reset' periodically and it's your turn now. As dc get older, you need to start looking long term and wondering whether this arrangement will suit when it's just the two of you. No way do I see my retirement being spent with a grumpy old git demanding to know what I've spent my pension on. And emphasising that we wouldn't have that butter if it weren't for him.

I didn't tell my DH when I started applying for jobs. I had been so long out of the workplace I didn't know that I'd get any offers. Teenage dd let it slip the day I got an offer.
And that was the reset for my marriage. I was equal again, and being on a better financial footing somehow makes you more confident in other areas too - no more falling in with his wishes, no more putting up with dodgy remarks and asides, a full vote in everything that goes on in the house, more respect from the children, more choice in your own personal purchases. A better pension for yourself should you choose to jettison the moaner at some point.

Original poster

MeMyself00 · 13/02/2025 10:01

rightoguvnor · 13/02/2025 09:32

Every marriage needs a 'reset' periodically and it's your turn now. As dc get older, you need to start looking long term and wondering whether this arrangement will suit when it's just the two of you. No way do I see my retirement being spent with a grumpy old git demanding to know what I've spent my pension on. And emphasising that we wouldn't have that butter if it weren't for him.

I didn't tell my DH when I started applying for jobs. I had been so long out of the workplace I didn't know that I'd get any offers. Teenage dd let it slip the day I got an offer.
And that was the reset for my marriage. I was equal again, and being on a better financial footing somehow makes you more confident in other areas too - no more falling in with his wishes, no more putting up with dodgy remarks and asides, a full vote in everything that goes on in the house, more respect from the children, more choice in your own personal purchases. A better pension for yourself should you choose to jettison the moaner at some point.

Thanks! 🙏 😄

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