To think of you really love somebody.

[Chinesewings]

You couldn’t just move on straight away and find somebody knew? I have to get this into my head.

Often it's a distraction.

Humans are strange creatures - if someone jumps straight into something new then they either already loved that person or it's a rebound situation. Either way, it's not your business.

Often it's a rebound, or the person stop feeling that love a while ago and it's a different kind of love more like a friendship.

It's possible to appear to. You can really love somebody, but then check out during the relationship and keep it going much longer than you should, then when you break up you're already ready to move on.

I've done this before, kept a dead relationship going much longer than I should. I then moved on "really fast" when I finally gave up and ended things. The reality was I was done couple of years prior, and was stupidly hoping things would magically change.

You very much could, at least on the surface. I still love my ex, we broke up less than three months ago. This didn't stop me going on dates because, frankly, I needed a distraction from ruminating on breakup. None of these dates went much further (although, I did go on 5 dates with one chap) but it was nice to get out of the house and feel that someone is excited about you. Ultimately, I now put a stop to it and I will give myself a bit more time because I am categorically not ready to love someone else right now.

When you ask someone what love feels like you find they describe a range of other feelings and needs. This is because love is an umbrella term for a wide range of emotions.

It's possible to move straight on because you need comfort, connection, reassurance, etc, and it all feels like love.

You can if you’re a man. Most of them are terrified of being alone.

I think it's possible to love more than one person at the same time

As said, it can be a distraction, or somethingtolook forward to. I think I'd be out and about if my DP had have died during surgery, recently, because otherwise I'd sit and eat. There's no children involved.

Did you completely lose all feelings with the other person and just never thought about them again?

I couldn't - it might be different for others.

I’ve been reading up on this (been where you are) and from what I’ve found women tend to spend longer getting over the previous relationship. We spend longer going over the relationship, learning from it and grieving / hopefully growing. Whereas men rebound, they DO need the distraction and reassurance they are still attractive. If you have an ex who has moved on quickly it’s like others have said. He’s either already had someone lined up because he had checked out OR in my case, he needed the distraction and reassurance but his heart was still hurting and grieving for us. I needed time to process things before I jumped into something, he didn’t want to think about what had happened and what he had lost, so tried to distract himself with friends, family, hobbies and OLD.

If you really love someone the only instance where you'd move onto to someone new is to serve as a distraction/try to make your ex jealous/or are scared of being alone.

Otherwise you're not really still in love with that person and are just pretending.

The one time I had my heart broken and was in love with the person I couldn't conceivably be with anyone else for a long time, it hurt so much.

If someome is telling you they love you but have moved on with someone else chances are they're lying and are not really in love with you anymore.

Also, people have different definitions of love. Loving someone and being "in love" are two different things.

I do think he checked out a long time ago, he said he did anyway.

It doesn't mean he feels the same as he did about you instantly. It means he fancies someone and enjoys their company and may be developing feelings for them .

Also it depends how the previous relationship was ended a sudden end when still madly in love with someone is different to a slow decline in feelings. He may have grieved the end of the relationship before you officially split.

The best thing you can do is try to accept the situation and move forward. And access therapy if you are stuck

They met at the back end of last year and he told me he loves her

I think you’re assuming it’s only possible to love one person at a time.

@Chinesewings why is he discussing his love life with you? If they have only been together weeks then he may feel love but the reality is he's still getting to know that person and the relationship may or may not last.

When I split with my exh (we were together 10 years and have two kids) he met someone almost instantly and within a few months they were living together and he was referring to her kids as ours kids 'Brothers' 🙄 they lasted less than a year. He was single a few weeks then he met his next gf, again he moved in within a few month, her dd became our kids little sister. They got pregnant within a year or so and got married the following year. It lasted 6 years before he cheated on her and left her for wife number 3, and my kids got two new brothers plus a new half sibling. He has been with wife no 3 eight years .

What a waste time it would have been to have compared his relationships to ours. It's easy to compare and feel lacking but you don't know how genuine their feelings are or how compatible they are. They may last a few months or years or she may be his soul mate. It doesn't matter. What you need to do is move on and focus on what you want from life.

Well, there are different types of love. And then there is lust and infatuation, too. You can love somebody like a favourite but slightly worn old jumper but then you might meet someone who lights enough of a fire inside you and that is dangerously compelling and addictive.

If someone has moved on straight away it could be a number of reasons.

It could be that it is a rebound or the person is scared of being on their own and they still love their ex. It could be that the relationship had been done for a while but they didn't know how to end it. Sometimes the one who doesn't end it feels relieved and feels really happy when they meet someone straight after.

Disagree. I loved my ex. He split up with me. 2wk later having moved to a new place I downloaded tinder just to meet some people and go out and have fun. Met DH. First date was less than a month after splitting with my ex. It obviously worked out.

I'm just one of those look forward, no point in looking back people. When it's over it's over. No point moping around. Move on.

Stop talking to him about this stuff.

The only reason you need to stay in Touch is if you’ve got kids.

When my XH announced that he no longer loved me and was leaving I was utterly devastated. I adored him. Six weeks later I was in another relationship and, although I didn't LOVE him I liked him a lot and we were together for eight years. It helped me to kill the residual love I'd got for my XH, because I was distracted.

Or cheating on you

OP, this is really hard and painful for you, but I don't think it necessarily means that he never really loved you. Some people are good at compartmentalising their relationships ("that was nice but it's over now, time to move on"), or maybe it's a rebound and won't last long, who knows? When I split up with my ex boyfriend, both of us were with someone new within 3 months and we both ended up marrying them! I did love my ex but clearly it wasn't "the one" for either of us.