I feel like something cracked within me in the winter lockdowns 2020/21. The summer was hard enough, but there was the window when some things were allowed to reopen for a few months and it felt like I've used all my drive to keep pushing me and the DCs out through the summer into the autumn, and by the interminable spring of 2021 was depressed. I got to the point of dropping the DCs off at school then hitting inertia until I had to pick them up. The weather was too lousy for yet more walks.
2022 was the year of the funerals. Literally the only reason I had to dress up that year. Nothing Covid related (old age, cancer and suicide). It's kind of a moot point when MiL died because the travel/ carehome restrictions meant we hadn't been able to do a family visit since our last routine trip in Autumn 2019. We did travel over in summer 2021 but only DH could see her because of carehome restrictions. By the time the carehome restrictions ended she was dying and wouldn't have known who the much-grown DCs were anymore and it was better to leave them with their memories of who she had been. The only difference 2022 made was that she was able to have the full traditional funeral that she'd always wanted.
It was 2023 before friends really emerged from the fallout of the lockdowns and everyone is more insular since. Mainly life-stress, money and loss of habit.
We also had strings of (non-Covid) health issues to deal with causing more disruption to life. Access to routine healthcare has pretty much died off which has pushed one of the DC's on-going health conditions to acute care a few times when it's escalated.
DS was diagnosed with autism just before the lockdowns and I was still adjusting to that when all social normality was stripped away. That is exactly what you do not need, and he came out of it at the age when gaming is far more alluring than socialising with extended family that didn't want to see you for a couple of years (but too young to leave at home) and that's made it permanently hard to re-connect with extended family and friends. It also taught him that people are unnecessary in life. I'm just relieved that I don't have a school refuser after 4+2 months of him being denied access to school.
I'm 5 years older. 5 years closer to menopause etc. 5 years more jaded with life, and especially the constant catacylsmic way it's reported in the media. Everything's a fucking crisis. "Crisis" has now lost all meaning. I don't do much more than follow the gist of headlines anymore because it's too bleak.
It's not all Covid, but ripping through society and the economy for 2 years with rafts of extended and virtue signalling measures that greatly exceeded what was necessary (June 2021: no, families who've had access to vaccines can't possibly sit on a school field to host a normal sports day coz covid. Stay at home and watch the Euros with a crowd of spectators in Wembley instead). The political choices of 2020/21 greatly damaged our collective ability to cope with the rest of the shit happening in the rest of the world. It probably wasn't going to be a glorious decade and the 2010s were pretty ropey too, but there was a brewing hope by 2019 that fortune would change for the better and prolonged Covid restrictions snuffed that out.
And the weather's been shit too.
(Probably the Climate Crisis)
Sigh