To ask how to deal with work place bully

[tiger45]

Who speaks to me like shite for no particular reason, she's cliquey with management

In an ideal world I’d make a record of all incidents and take it to management, but if she’s in thick with them then it’s likely to be pointless. Start looking for a new job.

In the meantime if you feel confident say in response to her, loud and clear, phrases like ‘did you mean to be so rude’ or ‘why do you feel the need to speak to me in that rude manner?’ Shine the light back on her behaviour particularly in front of other people.

i had this basically just keep doing what managment say and not her, as best as

What is she saying?
As PP says, I’d be going with things like ‘what did you mean by that?’, ‘do you think you could soften your tone?’, ‘I am finding your manner quite rude, are you aware you are coming across like that?’

I guess it depends on what type of thing she has said. Being rude is different that saying something discriminatory for example and each would require different actions.

Examples?

Either challenge her or ignore her.

We have one at work. A massive narcissist. Likes everyone to suck up to her. If you’re not one to play that game, you pose a threat. They’re usually hugely insecure. If you bite back she might well back down. I’d ask her if she realises she comes across as quite rude, then note her reaction.

Basically she gets involved in things she doesn't know about but thinks she does, so makes rude comments to criticise, when she doesn't know the full picture. She also judges others a lot and I have heard her bitching about others, sometimes when they're even in the same room. She also just talks to me like shit on a shoe, I don't know how to describe it, sometimes its not what she says but how she says it. She nit picks and tries to come up with ways to put others down. I am fairly new to the role, I can tell she thinks she is very much above me, it's making me dread being in on the same day as people walk on egg shells, it's not just me she does it to me, but it feels like she's picking on me more as I've not been there very long. I can feel her eyes on me glaring when I am just getting on my job

Yes that's exactly it. The other day she said 'I do so much for this place'

That's not bullying, you just don't like her, and she's an arse.

Just ignore her, don't let her get to you. Civil and polite.

The only thing you can do is record and date everything factually. Dont use emotive words.It's easy to put feelings into it but that won't help.

Also questioning what they are saying such as ' sorry can you repeat that' or 'please can you say that again, just so that I'm clear.'

I've been there with a manager with higher management in his back pocket.
They will take their side and pick holes with your version.
Staff ( witnesses)will say they are behind you but you wont realise it's 500 miles behind until you go looking for them and then suddenly they can't remember anything and start to gaslight you. ( are you sure he meant that love? maybe you are just a bit sensitive)
Fuck them, get a job so.ewhere else and live your best life away from them.

That doesn't sound like bullying. She's just odd. A bit of a cow.

Ignore her!

She's not bullying you. You're timid and she's outspoken and unpleasant.

Go in full of confidence and give her a bear hug and be extra jolly around her.

She's zoning in on you because she sees you as being weak. Give her the jolly comrades in arms routine to throw her off.

If someone is singling you out to be on the end of unpleasant behaviour it absolutely can be classed as bullying.

You're almost me in this scenario, although I've been there over 20 years and recently promoted.

We have a lady who wants to poke her business into everyone else's and has an opinion on everything.

She's also rude to those she sees as beneath her.

She's very dangerous and thinks she's "in with management"

Since I've joined the management team I've realised exactly how nasty she is. As in running to the management team snitching on everyone, gossiping and basically being the horrible person we always suspected her to be.

The one manager who listened to her retired recently and she is now passing her info to others including myself.

She's not happy as been told we don't want to know, it's not her business and down the route of her being dragged to HR
She still has her job but currently on best behaviour as we no longer wish to engage in snitching.

My only advice is smile at her and ask her to repeat herself, ensure others are around as she won't want to repeat nastiness. It's said for effect at the time.
Also ask nicely, "are you aware how rude you're coming across"
Another is "I'm not sure I understand your point, can you explain it a little more clearly?"

I would also mention it to your direct line manager, they are usually aware of people who are full of self importance and can't really do anything without a formal complaint.

Bullies never win, they show their true colours

I know it depends on how confident you feel but the type who wants to dominate and is keen to get you on the back foot needs immediate pushback. I'd would tell her politely but very firmly 'if you need to communicate with me you're going to have to speak to me properly'. I would also call out the talking about others if you are party to it, 'I don't gossip about other people so don't include me in what you've got to say'. Firm, polite, unsmiling, unbending. I'd also pay special attention to developing good working relationships with others.

Not easy I know but I doubt you'll ultimately lose out if you stand your ground and I wouldn't mind betting the management see her as a pain in the arse who bends their ear rather than has their ear.

Thanks everyone.

This is the thing, today I was chatting to my colleague about work related thing, supporting each other and getting on well. I could see her staring out the corner of my eye, with a look on her face. I think she wants me not to have a good working relationship with anyone

i had a collegue like that, what was most frustrating was it seemed only me that they would focus on, eg one peson was doing x, another doing y, etc you get the jest yet soon as i stopped to talk to anyone straight away i got the stop talking etc, in the end i called it out as bullying because under acas guidelines if they are criticising your work then its a form of bullying

Yeh! Take the pi$$!
Suck up to her.

Praise her “Oh Miss Cowlick you are so clever!” kind of thing.

”Miss Cowlick I have this issue. How shall I handle it? I will value your advice.”

Meanwhile, it’s not what she’s saying, bullying or not, it’s how she makes you feel that counts, so write a journal everyday after work. Purge your frustrations to paper. ✍️

Leave

I've only ever experienced bullying once. I was never bullied at school (am very lucky in that regard). But the bullying I got in one work place was horrible and twenty years on it still impacts me

I wanted to leave but my workplace were funding my masters so I stayed and endured the bullying for 18 months until I .completed my masters. 18 months of tears before work every single day, of spending every evening dreading the morning. It was hell.

I still don't know if it was right to stay. That masters changed my life and my future career and I'd never have been able to afford it myself. But the bullying had a lasting impact on me. Was it worth it. I don't know

If I'd had no reason to stay I'd have left in a shot.

If you can get another job and there is no huge reason to stay, leave. When management are friendly with the bully you can't win. Don't suffer longer than you have to.

In my case it was my manager that bullied me. I had noone to turn to because she was chummy with her seniors and the other managers so the power dynamic was awful.

I was in my twenties when the bullying happened. I'm 46 now! But my confidence is still impacted!

Do yourself a favour and get the fuck out of there before it turns nasty. Start looking for another job.