Family events when being a step parent

[fireworks345]

I have been with DP for 1.5 years. Spending a lot of time together but living separately.
DP has DS who is going to have first communion in the next couple of months.
DP and ex are organising a family dinner for this occasion, to which I have been invited by DP's son.

All very well, but I have overheard DP's mum, who lives abroad, saying how she can't wait to see the ex and chat with her about good old times they all had together.

If I decided to go, most of the guests at the dinner would be ex's family, DP, DP's mum and me. I don't know anyone except of DP and his son. Haven't met DP's mum and have not spoken to her over the phone either. I haven't met ex yet, but she and my DP mostly get on well.

I fear it will be awkward for me and I am going to feel like outsider. AIBU to only go to the church and to politely decline the invite for the dinner?
I haven't had a chat with DP about this, trying to decide myself first what is the right thing to do.

It's very early doors really, after 18 months I probably wouldn't.

I think it’s something for the child’s family really, and it doesn’t sound like you are quite in the Stepmum shoes yet.
I wouldn’t want to go because I think you are correct in thinking you might feel a bit excluded.
But on the other hand if the child wants you there and you think the relationship is for the long term, then it’s a chance to meet everyone as long as everyone is amicable.

You're not a step-parent.
I wouldn't go, as I don't think a child's first communion is the right place to meet DP's Mother or ex.

Thank you x
You're right, it's not quite being a step parent, but dad's girlfriend sounded like a short fling.
Definitely we are thinking about longer term future, we are both happy together and DS is lovely. I'm just unsure what's best to do

You are dads GF nothing more at this point. It's lovely the child has invited you.

Speak to BF and make arrangements to meet his mum while she's visiting.

You’re not a step parent. But even if you were, a first meeting with your boyfriends mum and his ex at his child’s holy communion surrounded by exes extended family would be a nightmare scenario 🤣

it’s lovely that his son wants you involved - capitalise on that and get him a special present to continue to forge those bonds gradually.

If have always felt that DSD's family are nothing to do with me, they are her family and DP had a relationship with them when he was with DSD's DM - so I don't attend such events and am happy for DP to go on his own. Listening to them all reminisce about the past makes me feel awkward I wasn't there, I wasn't part of that time in their lives (DP was with ex for 25 years).