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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to deal with competitive parent friend?

4 replies

Bookworm05 · 12/02/2025 18:21

I need some advice/reassurance please.

I've been friends with someone for about six years and now our children are in the same class at school. Since becoming parents this friend has become very competitive, right from them being born - and with everything, sleep, weaning, the lot. I've never engaged with it but it has since strained our friendship because I don't enjoy her company. Her competitive nature drives me mad! It seems to have ramped up since starting school - she will often make sly comments about my parenting decisions.

Anyway, she keeps inviting my child to their house to do activities but she is inviting my daughter before asking for my permission first. I dread the time that we have to see them - school run, play dates etc and I try to avoid these times. I've tried politely saying no to meeting up etc because I don't want to offend her but I feel really uncomfortable and stressed around her, and she either hasn't taken the hint or doesn't want to... there's also been times when I've said no to something and she has then asked my 4 year old daughter what we did instead. This then results in my daughter becoming sad that I said no to them! I have just had another baby so I could just be being emotional, but I'm not sure what to do. They've also now joined my child's swimming lessons so we see them at the weekend too. Another activity I used to love but now dread. AIBU to feel so at odds with this friendship?! Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

OP posts:
5128gap · 12/02/2025 18:32

Can you tell her the truth? That the comparisons being made between your daughters and your parenting styles make you feel uncomfortable and get in the way of you enjoying her company? If you feel you can say that, the timing is best in the moment the next time she does it.

Endofyear · 12/02/2025 21:11

You're either going to have to continue to distance yourself and encourage your daughter's other friendships so that she's too busy to worry about missing out on the invitations - or just tell the woman straight that you find her competitive behaviour juvenile and annoying! This will inevitably make her back off but you will still have to see her at school and activities so might not be the most diplomatic option!

Allswellthatendswelll · 12/02/2025 21:16

No advice but YANBU. Competitive parenting is so bloody tedious.

Seabreeze18 · 12/02/2025 21:16

Ultimately you can’t change her so why do you find her so triggering? Does she make you feel less than? A great book to read is let them by Mel robins! Fairly new and so helpful to rethink things in your mind. Let her boast, those that say the most are usually jealous and deeply insecure themselves! Think of all your positives, you are unique and so is your daughter u just can’t compare!

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