Can't cope with the worry that comes with parenting

[Lucylou02]

Not really an aibu. But wondering if anyone else feels the same or has any advice to cope.

I have two children of different ages and I worry about them so much.

Although they are both doing ok, it's al of the little ups and downs that come with life and growing up.

Neither have been hugely popular at school or the best at sport or the most academic.

Nothing major thankfully, but lots of teenage angst, friendship issues, not being picked for the team. That sort of thing.

Dh and I have always tried our best, helped them with school work, took them to sports and extra curricular activities, facilitated play dates.

It just seems as though some children breeze through being popular and good at everything or at least excelling at something.

As much as I love them and love being a parent, there are times when I'm not sure I'd do it all again if I'd known how stressful and worrying it can all be.

I think you need to let them live their life, not the life you think they should have had.

Well my dds are both fairly popular and very academic - there’s still a hell of a lot to stress about though?! Your post makes it sound as though you think the life of parents of popular kids is a breeze which is a little odd. It really isn’t, it’s just different worries.

To answer your question, I deal with it the way I would any anxiety (though not that well at times, I admit)! No point worrying about stuff you can’t control, it’ll most likely all work itself out in the end, and if I doesn’t there’s no point getting stressed. You just need to recognise that the actual anxiety isn’t a productive feeling and try and stop it in its tracks.

I completely agree!

The school years are the hardest in terms of worry I think.. they're still young and they're having to negotiate so much.

I still worry about mine now ( all in their 30s) but to a lesser extent and about different things.

Blimey harsh replies so far!
Yes I know exactly what you mean op, you never stop worrying and stressing about them. Mine are adults now, with some fairly bad health problems and I still worry.
Sorry I know that’s not what you wanted to hear but just wanted you to know you are not alone.
The only way I cope is trying to distract myself, either by going for a walk/reading etc. Not very helpful I know.

This. Take a step back. Navigating life gives them resilience - it’s not good for them to have you waiting to spot & sort out every problem - that will generate its own issues. Mine are grown up now. None the most popular or the best at anything. They had good friends & found things they enjoyed. They’re happy adults & very much their own people.

I expected them to be polite to others & not cause harm to others but otherwise had no expectations (& convincing the youngest we really didn’t care one bit whether he went to uni or not was a challenge) - kids get bombarded with expectations these days from schools, social media etc. Don’t worry about where they will end up, just enjoy watching who they become!

I understand OP. I stupidly, naively thought that if I was a good enough parent then my children would somehow be insulated from the the worst difficulties of life. I am aware how ridiculous that sounds.

Reality has proven to be very different and yes, had I have understood how painful parenting can be, I would not have had children.

Being popular and academic comes with its own challenges. Like pressure to stay that way or anxiety/self doubt etc.
There is a path for everyone, your kids don’t need to be popular nor academic nor good at sports to do well in the future.
I wasn’t and I’m doing just fine 😊
How were you younger?
That said I hear you about the constant stress and worry about your kids, I think it’s part of parenting sadly, for me it’s more worrying about health, road safety, mugging, knife crime…. 😫

I would seek some therapy for yourself. If your anxiety is starting the effect your life negatively you may need some support to adjust your thinking. I found CBT effective.

In my case I got some bad news about my oldest (genetic) and my already bad anxiety spiraled. Depression and anxiety go hand in hand. One causing the other. In my case my worrying was leading to depression which then effected everything. Don't underestimate your feelings and their effect on your life.

In my case having some worry reduction methods have helped. Winter is usually harder so I'm hoping it's as bad as it gets now a d will improve with the weather.