I’m thinking about filing for divorce but scared

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i think I need/want to file for divorce but I know it will mean sadness for my children and I’ll most likely be alone forever.

been together 16 years
2 dc 13 and 8
sexless marriage he doesn’t want to,
he promises things and then moves the goal posts - we can move house, we can go on holiday and then makes excuses, decorate the house etc
hes lazy so unbelievably lazy

he speaks to me like shit way too frequently and generally doesn’t seem to like me about 60% of the time so I’m never sure if it will be a good day or bad day depending on his moods

he is a good dad and does provide well and so do I we both earn around 60k each.

i want a divorce but all the upheaval it will cause for the kids am i best to wait until they are grown?

im worried about getting another house im have a medical condition so cant get life insurance so that will affect me getting a mortgage would probably have to move to a more affordable area.
I doubt I’d have another relationship not particularly attractive and with my medical condition doubt anyone would want me anyway so I would have to make a conscious decision that this will likely mean I’m alone going forward,

Sounds like you are both unhappy. Could you talk to your DH and see if would agree counselling? At least let him know how close you both are to losing the life you have built together. Sometimes you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

Do you think your children are oblivious to your husband and your relationship?

You earn a good wage so it's just fear of change. Do you want to remain in a celibate relationship with a man who treats you like a maid and doesn't like you? Do you think after all this time he's going to change?

I can't imagine anyone in your house is particularly happy so take the leap.

A good dad is one that models how to be an adult to their children. Your husband isn't doing this and your children are learning how relationships work from yours.

I don't know the answer as to what you should do its just the "hes a good dad" that jumped our at me. And as a very small point- not being able to get life insurance won't stop you getting a mortgage (get good advice, it might well be possible anyway)

This is not an AIBU question! It's a relationship one.

Please don't stay for the sake of the children. Your DH isn't a good dad by the sounds of it - and your children will grow up seeing an unhealthy relationship being modelled by the pair of you.

Put in Aibu for really honest responses but happy to move to a different section if that is best?