Sexless Marriage

ChellyT · 12/02/2025 01:22

Is your partner 'A Sexual'?
Have you both thought of having therapy (and not sex therapy but couples therapy)?
Is your marriage a marriage of convenience for her (security or love)?
Do you have children?
Does your wife have a stressful day to day life?
Has this always been the way of your sex life (you married her knowing she didn't want sex)?

I, myself am a touch person. I love to touch and be touched, I'm talking about holding hands, a hand on my shoulder as you walk pass me in the kitchen, cuddling on the lounge every other night or so, going to bed and the end of the day together, kiss, cuddle, goodnight, not ramped sex day in day out. My marriage broke down as we (in our early 30s) were having sex once a month and I couldn't deal with it. My husband threw everything at me, that I was not normal, that he didn't have a problem I did, that he was tired I didn't appreciate him... now I know he was gaslighting me and truth be told we just were not sexually compatible and I'm ok with that.

BeforeTheFall · 12/02/2025 01:33

You get one life. You need to both be honest with each other and work on a way to go your separate ways. I did. Best thing I could’ve done. We are both much happier with our lives now.

farmlife2 · 12/02/2025 01:37

How old are you both? I'm finding getting older brings challenges that make it less appealing.

If that's not a factor, your wife should see her GP, just to make sure all is in order. If it is, maybe she's asexual? Is she having some struggle with it she's not sharing (physically or emotionally)? Is she on antidepressants (that can kill the urge a bit)?

I feel for you. It's hard to feel rejected. It's also hard to feel pressure to be sexual when it's just not happening for you (and no-one should feel pressure).

May229 · 12/02/2025 01:52

Did you know she wasn't interested in these things before you got married？

R2D2C3POSkywalker · 30/04/2025 13:12

Teekay10 · 12/02/2025 00:44

I am a married man who is in a sexless marriage for some time now, and it is affecting me a lot. My self esteem has gone down, and am not sure what to do. Have tried so many times to talk about it but my wife is not interested in sex. Can anyone please help. Thank you

Any further developments?

You need to consider your future in this marriage as it sounds like you’ll end up pretty miserable. The right woman could be out there somewhere who could make you happy! Life is too short.

Screamingabdabz · 30/04/2025 13:18

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ThatDaringEagle · 15/06/2025 12:31

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Jeez, that's one lousy, incompassionate. , condescending post @Screamingabdabz .

The OP stated that his self esteem was at a low ebb cos of relationship issues & probably reached out on here to get some advice from a women's pov.

Yet you type him that, with the totally unnecessary 🙄 included, to answer his desperate call for help!?!

Lovely, you're just fuppin lovely 🙄!!

twomorecats · 15/06/2025 12:34

Do you do things around the house? Pick up the mental load? Act like a caring partner? I find it far more of a turn on with a partner if they're making the effort all day rather than just expecting sex at the end of it.

Caligirl80 · 15/06/2025 12:46

Sadly if your partner isn't interested in working on this then it's time to go your separate ways. You can't force them to want to find you sexually attractive. And you can't stop yourself from wanting to have that aspect of a relationship. No doubt they won't agree to an open relationship, and those things rarely seem to work anyway: your partner still won't want to have sex with you, and that's what you want, so that resentment will still be there.

Get yourself a good therapist and a lawyer that hopefully deals in non-confrontational divorce. Do NOT use divorce as a threat - that will not work, and it won't make them want to shag you. Just end the marriage/relationship and be as civil as possible.

Caligirl80 · 15/06/2025 12:48

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Yikes - that's entirely unhelpful!!! The guy is clearly asking for advice and experiences from people who have been in a similar situation to him. That's what people do on MN all the time.

Your rather nasty response is telling - stop projecting and start being kind.

Caligirl80 · 15/06/2025 12:50

twomorecats · 15/06/2025 12:34

Do you do things around the house? Pick up the mental load? Act like a caring partner? I find it far more of a turn on with a partner if they're making the effort all day rather than just expecting sex at the end of it.

From what the guy wrote he's tried to figure out what the reasoning is - meaning that his partner has had loads of opportunities to convey what is preventing them from wanting to have a sexual relationship with him. If she's not interested then all the house work in the world won't change anything. It's also interesting that you assume that he's not doing his fair share.

Didimum · 15/06/2025 12:59

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…old thread

twomorecats · 15/06/2025 13:06

Caligirl80 · 15/06/2025 12:50

From what the guy wrote he's tried to figure out what the reasoning is - meaning that his partner has had loads of opportunities to convey what is preventing them from wanting to have a sexual relationship with him. If she's not interested then all the house work in the world won't change anything. It's also interesting that you assume that he's not doing his fair share.

Show quote history

I didn't assume I just asked. There wouldn't have been question marks if I was assuming.

ThisRareFox · 23/07/2025 15:22

@Teekay10
Have things improved?