How do I say goodbye without a funeral

[BoldBlueZebra]

Just that really. A relative recently passed and they chose direct cremation. I really want to mark it but I don’t know how to do it as there’s no service or anything. I suppose I’m looking for ideas that aren’t laterns or balloons

What about planting something lovely in the garden? Saying a few words? Burying a note with your memories of them in the soil? Maybe having a personal ceremony at home, lighting a candle?

My parents bought a small stone statute for their garden and they always lay a flower for birthdays and special events.

Did you visit anywhere that perhaps you could go to and have some time being mindful there - remembering some good times maybe?

Or if they had a particular place that meant something to them, visit there?

Can you find a small group of like minded people who knew the deceased and have tea or drinks to mark his/her life, kind of like an informal wake.

Or if that won't work, make a donation to a charity or cause you think the person might have liked.

These are nice ideas thank you

I like this too - I have ordered a lovely rose and maybe I will put a bird table or bath there too

Do they have any other family that were close to them or any of their friends and maybe get together for a nice meal so you can all chat and remember them?

Other family and friends might be feeling the lack of a funeral too, if so you could do something together to honour them. You could have a ceremony of some sorts at their favourite place, have a meal/evening together and share memories of them, plant a tree or something hardy like a rose. Do an activity they love, visit their favourite place, play songs they like and remember them.

I had this recently when my dad passed away. I couldnt stay at home and so I travelled to a place we used to visit regularly when we were on holiday growing up. It was just what I needed.

What is happening with the ashes?

Not really it’s a bit of a difficult situation so I will be alone. It’s not too sad just the natural passing of life but it seems wrong to not mark their contribution to my life and how they helped to shape who I became as an adult

They will come back in a few weeks and be put in the family plot half the family disagreed to this so it’s not going to be a farewell it’ll be more like a task to tick off

I went down to the shore and lit a candle that I let float away as I thought about the person. That felt quite calming.

Go to a place the deceased loved with the people closest to you/them. It could be abroad or just to the local park. If the deceased loved a particular pub or hotel, that makes it easier cos you can just take over part of it or remember them. If they liked a particular sport or held a season ticket, go and see a match and celebrate afterwards. If they liked the theatre, go there.

Oh I see...I hope you manage to do something fitting...sorry for your loss

Could you afford a bench in a park, along the sea front, any favourite place? Or even your garden where you can go and sit and remember them? There are some in my local park and they have a little plaque on them to remember the person.

My mum wants direct cremation. She wants me to put her in a beautiful urn, hire a pub and have her right in the middle of a party with lots of music.

I think I’m going to plant a lovely rose in my garden and pop a bird bath or table there. I think while the cremation is carried out I will light a candle and keep it burning then blow it out when I think it’s completes thank you all so much you’ve given me some lovely ideas

@BoldBlueZebra

Sorry for your loss. Funerals are very much for the living really.
Is there any possibility of having some sort of gathering of family and friends where you can just get together and share memories or do you think that would be going against the spirit of your relatives wishes.
Will the family receive the ashes as scattering is another opportunity to say goodbye.
Is there something you could do relating to their interests, their childhood or a favourite place you could visit, maybe read a poem or play a piece of music they loved.

I'd like my son to remember me by going on a trip on the Mersey Ferry, scatter some ashes with Gerry and the Pacemakers blasting out and then take the rest of them to my happy place on the Isle of Wight and have a holiday. I will leave money in my will specifically for such purposes.
I hope you can find a way that gives you the peace of saying goodbye whilst honouring your relatives wishes

@CleanShirt

That sounds like a lovely way to say goodbye. Reminds me of nana's funeral in the Royle Family

Sorry for your loss💐
My parents sat in the grounds of the crematorium around the time when their relative was cremated as they wanted a direct service. It made them feel close to them. We are planning on scattering their ashes at some point and will have a meal together.
I sat in my back garden with a cup of tea and a small period of sunshine around the time the cremation happened and thought of them.

A bird table is a lovely idea!

There’s a place near me where you can buy a tree that is planted in memorial.
https://www.heritagewood.co.uk

could there be something like this near you?

I think it's going to be exactly like that! 😊 (Hopefully no time soon).